Fair

What is fair? What is acceptance? I ponder these things tonight as I sit in this room alone. I have often needed or felt the need to be accepted, even though I’ve never been any but accepted. This thirst for fairness can affect every aspect of a person’s life and the very actions he or she may take in this walk of life. Make no mistake that the soil from which we arrive and grow in will play a major role in all orders of our lives. We must have fertile ground if we are to grow. This applies even if our start began in soiled land. It is fair that we look back on past events that laid the foundation to our make-up, but we must accept what we see in doing so, and look forward to fresh starts. It is ok and fair to want and need acceptance of fresh things. Seek these things as you walk, and perhaps more important, share all the knowledge that you gain from this walk of acceptance. Neither we, nor I can change past dealings, and we are to be careful not to remain there with them. It is fair that we accept those things and move forward to better ideals and all that’s promised to us all.

Prince

I close my day out and lay down to rest and watch t.v. Only I’m compelled by what surrounds me. I rest under fabrics fit for a prince, with Egyptian rare shades at the windows. A table at my feet, with a bronze lamp of a man holding an umbrella. White lilies drape over the edges of the table. At my head rest another lamp of a warrior in battle. Starring down at me rests a white tiger on the wall. At this moment I realize all that has been given to me and the need to acknowledge that screamed at me to write this. I often start writing and don’t know where it will end up, but I know these words serve some purpose in some way or another. What I hear is that God telling me that He needs to find another way to get my attention. I hear that I am valuable and that the knowledge that I possess is great and needed. The white tiger that stares at me, says I am with you always. I am your protector. The man with the umbrella seems to be saying, I will cover you. The warrior represents the conflict inside my head and soul. With all that surrounds me, I am not deserving of it. Yet here I am; resting in things fit for a prince.

JOY

Sometimes you can spend a lifetime running in darkness. You can lose your way and not know it. Seemingly you can be out of place, even as you are IN PLACE. Sometimes you can drift with the endless counting of watching the blades of a ceiling fan go round and round. A brief memory of things once enjoyed may creep in a time or two, but it doesn't sustain you. This can transform you ways that are unrecoverable if not careful. With each day that passes, stop and remember the good of the day. Bring light into your eyes every chance you get. Hold fast to all good things and find love in them. Delight in the good, for it saves many things. Trust in what you know to be real, and not what others try to make real. LIVE LIFE JOYFULLY!

No Posts

I use to have more time to post because most of it was done at work but they've blocked this site at work plus I have class so i'm limited on time. Not to mention that I can't copy and paste anymore...wth happened.

well hope all is well to all

Best of It

The greatest of these things are love
Through which all is possible
Even when it seems impossible
There it shall prove to win out over all things
Discover it in places rarely expected
Or sought
Place it where it protected yet shared
This gift cannot be denied
It changes even the unchangeable
united it brings joy, and peace beyond imagination
Simplest of things
Yet most don't experience the core of it
Kind in it's natural way, it pours out, endlessly
Often in the face of many, it is sometimes taken for granted
Even so; it endures
So happy to share this greatest gift
With YOU
I love you

Retired

A killed spirit which quickened the bones of his desires
There he sat stalemate
Detoured from his vision of life
Left dormant, his dreams resided in a frozen state
Unaware of the darkness to which he’d paid so much too
His dreams could no longer find dreams to dream
This continuing cycle kept him in place
Every now and then rewarded for his post
He’d treat himself
Yet back to lost
To play his part, he’d find himself
Deflated,
He’d still roll on
Unaware of the state he was in
As he celebrated his retirement
And blow out the candles to a job well done
His presence faded with the smoke blown from the candles
A box of bones he carried away
Reflections of time gone by
Filled with loneliness and out of place
He found that he could not carry on
He rested his eyes for the last time
And just like that
He was lost
Along side his
Desires

Cant Post

Sorry for the not so often post. I used to do these while at work and for some reason they've chosen to block this site. So now I don't have access to post :(

Love To Hate

I hate the way you tell me to do stuff
I love you for the way you talk to me
I hate it when you don’t answer the phone
I love calling your voice mail to hear your voice
I hate it when you get mad at me for not letting the toilet seat down
I love how you keep the house clean
I hate that you yell at me when arguing
I love the different ways you express yourself
I hate it when other people flirt with you
I love the fact that you’re with me
I hate it that you make so much noise in the morning
I love waking up to you
I hate it that you are sometimes short tempered with me
I love the fact that you’re passionate
I hate that you always have to buy new shoes
I love those red pumps on you…..o boy!
I hate that you won’t stop talking and let me rest
I love to hear your voice as I fall to sleep
I hate that I’m having a problem making this list
I love the fact that I have more love than hate for you

LIFE

Life’s passion can sometimes be obscured by the very thing it starts with; LIFE. I’ve pondered this all week. I’ve asked myself this question over and over. If I could do anything in the world what would it be? What would give me that passion for life? What is that one thing? While thinking of the answer I thought about other people. I thought how even as adults we are still children attending school. I mean, we wake up to an alarm clock that we keep hitting the snooze button, just as we did when our parents called for us to get up numerous times. Or even the way we take lunch at work. Just take a second and look when you go to lunch. It’s as if the school bell has rung. All of a sudden there’s traffic, stores are crowded and people are rushing to get in out so that they’re not late returning to work. Heck we even watch the clock for the end of the day bell so that we can head home to do nothing but lodge around. Think about it for a second, this has been the norm for most of our lives. So discovering that passion that breaks those cycles and gives people a zest for life would be so fulfilling to many of us. So in thinking on this for a while I’ve come up with my passion. I’m sure as with most people I’ve always known what my passion is. Do you? If not shouldn’t you try to find it? After all, it’s LIFE!

My Name Is Jade

My brothers and I were sitting in the back seat of my father’s car. My father was driving around looking for something. We didn’t know what it was he was looking for and we didn’t ask. It was raining that night. I remember turning the corner and seeing my father’s eyes light up while looking at them through the rear view mirror. It appeared he’d found what he was looking for. A pay phone (or so we thought)! He stopped the car in front of the phone-booth and jumped out into the rain. My brothers and I sat in the car waiting for him to return. Boom! Suddenly a man was thrown onto the hood of the car. My father appeared too. Next thing I knew my father began beating the man to a pulp. Even as the man was on the ground, my father kicked him. We watched as he picked the man up and threw him into the phone-booth. I remember my father bending down pointing at the man saying something but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. Without either of us saying anything, my father jumped back into the car and drove off. We never mentioned what happened to anyone. Not even to one another. Twenty something years would pass before we’d speak about what we saw that night. I asked one of my brothers if he remembered that night. He said and I quote, “Hell yeah I remember! That was some crazy sh*t!” We’d have plenty of stories like that to share between us. It’s truly amazing some of the things we saw and never spoke of them while growing up. Hey, that’s my history and my name is Jade!

Pick Up Lines

Excuse me!

Pssssp, hey how you doing? I was just wondering……..since I’m lost, would you mind if I go home with you?
Pssssp, excuse me but I was wondering if you’d be interested in a free ride to my place?

Pssssp, I’m sorry to pssssp at you, but I was wondering if you’re the blind date I’ve been waiting for?

Hello, sorry to bother you but I’d be pissed at myself later if I didn’t at least try to ask you out.

Oh my goodness! You are breath taking……you better get ready to catch me before I faint from lack of air.

O.K, O.K. where is Jesus? He has to be around here somewhere! If he’s letting Angels walk around here, he has to be here somewhere!

Hi! Have you ever laid down on a sleep number bed? Well here’s your chance! My place at 9!

I’ve been trying to come up with something perfect to say to get your attention, but all I could come up with is, you are beautiful.

So where are WE going tonight?

I love you!

Excuse me! Did you just drop something? Here you go; it was just my business card.

Stop, Stop, Stop! I just want to give it up to your parents! They’ve made a remarkable work of art by making you.

I knew there was gold at the end of the rainbow!

DAMNNNN!!!!

My minds telling noooo, but my body, my body’s telling me to do anything I can to get your attention.

Would you mind if we shared this taxi and the rest of our lives together?
Now I know you’ve heard some of those lines before so I’m not going to use them. All I’m going to say is would you do me the pleasure of having dinner with me?

Epiphany

Dark and with certainty, I rebirth myself in hopes of finally cutting the cord of harmfulness. These labor pains are meant to serve as a reminder to never look back into this pit. Scratching, ripping and tearing has to take place in order for cleansing and purification to renew what is covered in darkness. Caring hands awaiting to pull, support and catch me should I get caught up or stumble. Naturally I’ll have to do my part and allow what feels right to be right. Closed eyes throughout the process, operating without a clue to what surrounds me. Then suddenly an epiphany touches the very fiber of my being and just like that I am born. Needing to learn all, I trust in those that surround me. I’ll lean to them for many things, and someday I hope to have them lean on me. No more tears. No more pain. No more harm. I love you guys, though I haven’t shown it lately. Processing the process.

MJ

Go and hug your "Michael" by Maya Angelou...Yesterday I cried watching the Michael Jackson memorial. I cried for a little black boy who felt the world didn't understand him. I cried for a littleblack boy who spent his adulthood chasing his childhood. And I thoughtabout all the young black boys out there who may too feel that the worlddoesn't understand them. The ones who feel that the world does not understandtheir baggy jeans, their swagger, their music, their anger, their struggles,their fears or the chip on their shoulder. I worry that my son, may too,one day will feel lonely in a wide, wide world.I cried for the young children of all colors who may live their life feeling like a misfit, feeling like no one understands their perspective, or their soul. What a burden to carry.As a mother, I cried for Katherine Jackson because no mother should ever bury a child. Period. And I think about all the pain, tears and sleeplessnights that she must have endured seeing her baby boy in inner pain, seeinghim struggle with his self-esteem, and his insecurities and to know he oftenfelt unloved even while the world loved him deeply. How does it feel tothink that the unconditional love we give as mothers just isn't enough to makeour children feel whole? I wonder if she still suffers thinking, "whatmore could I have done?" Even moms of music legends aren't immune to mommyguilt, I suppose.When Rev. Al Sharpton ("who always delivers one" awesome "funeralspeech") said to Michael's children, "Your daddy was not strange...It was strange what your Daddy had to deal with," I thought of all the "strange" things of theworld that my children will have to deal with. Better yet, the things I hopethey won't ever have to deal with anymore.And as a mother raising a young black boy, I feel recommitted and yet a little confused as to how to make sure my son is sure enough within himself totake on the world. Especially a "strange" one. To love himself enough toknow that even when the world doesn't understand you, tries to force youinto its mold or treats you unkindly, you are still beautiful, strong andBlack. How do I do that?Today, I am taking back "childhood" as an inalienable right for every brownlittle one. In a world, that makes children into booty-shaking,mini-adults long before their time, I'm reclaiming the playful, innocent,run-around-outside, childhood as the key ingredient in raising confident adults.Second, I will not rest until my little black boy, MY Michael, knows that hisbroad nose is beautiful, his chocolately brown skin is beautiful, and histhick hair is beautiful.And nothing or no one can ever take that away from him."Now aint we bad? And ain't we black? And ain't we fine? ---Maya Angelou


I thought of my lil MJ; Elijah

Wife

Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife.
Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone?
You should reserve it for yourselves.
Never share it with strangers.

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.
Rejoice in the wife of your youth.
She is a loving deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts satisfy you always.
May you always be captivated by her love.
Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman,
Or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman?

10 Things To Know

Here’s the latest useless information that you know you need. Lol! I’m already lol at those of you that will try number 8 and 9.

1.) The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

2.) In Utah, a husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence. WTF

3.) In Wisconsin it is illegal to kiss on a train and sleep on a train. Now you can have all the sex on a train you’d like but make sure you don’t fall asleep afterward.

4.) The Statue of Liberty is actually a statue of two different people. The face was that of Charlotte Bartholdi, the mother of the designer Frederic Auguste Bartholdi. The sculptor's girlfriend, Jeanne-Emilie, was the model for the statue's arms and body.

5.) Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots. Ain’t that some sh**!

6.) The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. Even at your desk lol!

7.) The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910 and the youngest pope was 11 years old.

8.) If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

9.) Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

10.) The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma. Um can someone please inform Red Cross!

May I Have This Dance

If I could I’d dance a life with you
We’d share our floor with a love
Beyond stars
Touch a kiss between the two
Never to end our days would last
With this gift I give you my joy
Yours to have
Mine to pleasure
Place with me to protect
Dreams
Hopes
Plans
Needs that I’ll labor to achieve
Give me this moment
I’ll stand a lifetime
My God
He must have sent you Himself
A loss for Him to lose an Angel
Gain for me to grace this gift
So my sweet
As we dance this dance
Know that I will never stop
Growing deeper into you

Michael Jackson

Today a grace of God breezed through the airways of our lives. Michael Jackson died on June 25th, 2009. Today he was honored for his works. Usher sang one of his many number hits, “Gone Too Soon”. A certain sense of mortality seemed to come through. This was a man, a human, a living person with a life of his own. He left behind many memories and many things. We were truly blessed I believe in living in these moments to have witnessed some of his works. I believe he managed to achieve things that were meant for him and him only. His daughter put it best. She said, “Ever since I can remember he was the best dad”. These words are for me. God always has a way of reminding me of His grace. Today it came through today’s tribute to Michael Jackson. May he rest in peace!

Heaven

Close your eyes and visualize the most fantastically beautiful place your heart could ever desire. Pure delight and peace. Your every need is met with just a thought. A utopia of bliss that cannot be contained. I mean just a pure joy! This is Heaven!

Remember When?

Remember when all the kool aid was gone or close to be gone you’d see all that sugar at the bottom?
Remember the penny candy lady in the neighborhood?
Remember we’d call “bingo” when we saw a car we wanted to have when we grew up?
Remember when you could only ride your bike on your side of the sidewalk and only for half a block?
Remember that mean man/lady on block that was mean for no reason?
Remember that dog that would always get loose and chase you?
Remember the name of that dog; always something like, “Red”, “Pepper”, or “Spike”.
Why was it always a black dog?
Remember when the street lights came on, some of us took off running home, cause we’d better be either on the porch or in the house when they came on?
Remember that barber that used to knick the hell out of you and would say stay still?
Remember that fine teacher you liked?
Remember thinking she liked you too?
Remember when Michael Jackson did the moonwalk on Motown 25?
Remember when New Edition split to become BBD?
Remember Toni, Tony, Tone
Remember Toni Braxton walking across the stage in that dress?
Remember having supersonic hearing when it came to the ice cream truck?
Remember your parents saying stupid stuff like, “you better be quiet before I give you something to really cry about”?
Remember the corner store?
Remember Thanksgiving meals at Grandma’s?
Remember Now & Laters, Lemon Heads, Boston Bake Beans, Redhots, and Big Pal gum?
Remember Birthday “Licks”?
Remember sneaking out the house before mom got home?
Remember that open fire hydrant, somehow it turned into a block party?
Remember car alarms that required a key to activate and disarm?
Remember that girl/boy you liked?
If you’ve seen them recently you questioned why you liked them?
Remember all those kids you grew up?
Where’d they come from?
How many fathers do you remember in the neighborhood?
Remember the boy “Black”?
Remember hurting yourself to the “white meat”
What do you remember??????????????

Everything

Everything from the smell of her hair to color of nails
Everything from the length of legs to the small of her back
Everything from her touch to her kiss
Everything from the sound of her voice to the joy of her laughter
Everything from the deepness of her eyes to the calm of her skin
Everything from the curve of her hips to the sway of her stride
Everything from her passions to her dreams
Everything from her love to her family
Everything from the moment I met her
Made me all the better

The 5 Things You Need To Know Today (To catch and possibly keep a man)

1.) If you’re interested in a man don’t look away when he looks at you. (I’m not saying you have to stare at one another but give him that invitation with your eyes.)

2.) Don’t talk too much when you first meet. Settle down a bit….lol

3.) Listen to him. Chances are everything you’ll need to know will be disclosed to you with the first few minutes. You have to just listen. (any questions let me know)

4.) It’s ok to compliment him. (nice shirt, nice smile, etc.)

5.) Remember a man loves a chase. Don’t be anxious to give him all of you, even though you’re so ready too. Be the onion and allow him to peal back the layers. You’ll both have fun doing this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELIJAH

Today is my son’s birthday! He turned 5 today! I just spoke to him. He has a way of feeling my heart with just pure joy. His angelic voice could bring a smile to anyone’s face. Sometimes he makes life that much easier! Happy Birthday Elijah! Daddy loves you and I’ll see you later today!

So You Wanna Leave

(HIM)
So you wanna leave me…..well go ahead and pack yo shit!
So you wanna leave me…..well stop talking and leave
So you wanna leave me…..well leave the keys to the crip and the whip
So you wanna leave me…..well take that hair out yo head that I paid for
So you wanna leave me….well take those damn nail tips off that I paid for
So you wanna leave me….well leave that Gucci bag that I paid for
So you wanna leave me….well imma need that black card back
So you wanna leave me....well just get ta steppin

(HER)
So you wanna talk shit…..well here take these keys
So you wanna talk shit…..well here, you can have this hair back
So you wanna talk shit….well here, take these nails back (I can’t get this one off but here)
So you wanna talk shit….well here, take this bag too
So you wanna talk shit….well here, take this over the balance card back
So you wanna talk shit…..well that should be all since I already gave you that STD…we should be even!

Truth Be Told

Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told you could never be replaced
Truth be told my heart will always belong to you
Truth be told by true happiness rest in you
Truth be told I was blessed to know you
Truth be told your laughter is missed
Truth be told I still feel your presence
Truth be told we were suppose to grow old together
Truth be told I’d rather have you here for just another moment
Truth be told I didn’t express these things to you
Truth be told no one knows me like you
Truth be told I’ll always truly be yours
Truth be told this is to you
Truth be told things we lost pale in comparison to not having you
Truth be told you was what I needed
Truth be told I lost my love
Truth be told I lost my life
Truth be told I lost you
Truth be told I………………………

My Name Is Jade

So I arrive in the beautiful city of Miami seemingly straight out of a scene from Scarface. In the trunk of the rented Chevy Cobalt lies a briefcase full of cash. Carefully placed Ben Franklins on top. 3 deep, 12 rows. Singles 4 down and straight across. This will be used as show money. This will allow me access to a supply that would eventually move me into a “player” status. Sort of a buy in process. Without skipping a beat I manage to impress the one person I needed too. I’ll always remember his first words to me. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more unsuspectful person come to me like you!” Just like that I was “blessed” in. Without truly knowing I’d found myself with a network that stretched from the east coast to the west coast. You know how the movies portray scenes of naked girls braking down keys of cocaine and dudes are sitting there in the room with AK47’s? Well let me tell you first hand. That’s pretty much how it’s done. Can you imagine walking into something like that? Remember you have to remain cool and calm like this is the norm. It’s a funny business at that level. You learn quickly who’s on what level. You learn who touches the product, who supplies the need, who fronts what’s needed, who does the dirty business (you really don’t want to know them; at least not like that), and who manages things. By the way managers never touch anything. However they’re always in complete control of every aspect of the business. You’d be surprised to know just who some of the managers are. In this business you learn fast that nothing is a surprise. This is my story. My name is Jade!

Carry Me Father

I can’t seem to write anymore. There are several things I’ve managed to start writing about yet I can’t seem to finish them. I’ve been in that fog I once wrote about. I’m in a place of happiness and sadness all at once. I’m not going to go into detail about it. Its funny this thing called life. Full of up’s and downs joy and pain. Everyday I find joy and try to hold on to it. Every single day. Yet sometimes I feel like I’m running out of gas and can’t make it up the hill. Yet every time I feel that I suddenly receive a push. It comes in different forms but I know it is the hand of God carrying me. His caring hand comes in many different forms. Sometimes it is manifested through people or things, but sometimes it’s the subtle whisper from God simply saying, “I am!” Those two soft words He speaks reassures me that He is all I need. Those two words cover everything I face in this life. It’s funny how I find the words pouring into my thoughts now because I’m speaking about God. He is all! All that I need! All that makes me! All that I should be! All that is! He is carrying me right now and I’m thankful for it. People can make you laugh. They can show you a good time. They can sit and talk with you. They can provide some comfort when you need it. They can help you take your mind off of things. They can help in many different ways. Only God can supply all of my needs. All, everything, anything, and whatever….He can and will be my supplier. Thank you Jesus for sacrificing for me to have access to the Father. Thank you Father for carrying me!

The 5 Things You Need To Know Today

The 5 Things You Need To Know Today

1.) Today is national Man’s Day (For real)
2.) Today the Magic is waking up asking, what happened (Lakers Win)
3.) 1994 The Lion King Opens on this day
4.) No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.
5.) In Georgia all males in the state between the ages of 16 and 50 are required to work on public roads.

Broken

Things seem to be out of place. I awake and my day begins with uncertainty. A stranger in a place of welcome. A smile graces my face yet there is unhappiness that lies behind the smile. Simply put, I am broken!

Can I ask you a question

Can you cover my eyes and lead me to comfort?
Or will you lead me to destruction?
If I shared my dreams with you, would you help me reach them?
Or would you kill them?
If I was hurting would you comfort me?
Or would you talk about me behind my back?
If I lost all my possessions would provide shelter?
Or would you say you have no room?
If someone hurt me would you come to my aide?
Or would you befriend the very one that hurt me?
Can I share what I have with you?
Or would you try to take all I have?
Can I trust you with my kids?
Or will you treat them like nappy head step kids? Lol
Can I talk to you?
Or would you not listen?
If I told you I wanted to form a band and be the lead singer, would you support me?
Or would you say I’m out of my mind and it’ll never work?
I just thought I’d ask……………..

Hands

A basketball in my hands is worth about $19.
A basketball in Michael Jordan's hands is worth $33 million.
It depends on whose hands it's in.

A baseball in my hands is worth about $6.
A baseball in Roger Clemens' hands is worth $475 million.
It depends on whose hands it's in.

A tennis racket is useless in my hands.
A tennis racket in Andre Agassi's hands is worth about 30 million.
It depends on whose hands it's in.

A rod in my hands will keep away an angry dog.
A rod in Moses' hands parted the Red Sea.
It depends on whose hands it's in.

A slingshot in my hands is a kid's toy.
A slingshot in David's hand killed a Phillistine giant
It depends on whose hands it's in.

Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my hands is a couple of fish sandwiches.
Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in Jesus' hands fed five thousand.
It depends on whose hands it's in.

Nails in my hands might produce a birdhouse.
Nails in Jesus' hands produced salvation for the world.
It depends on whose hands it's in.

As you can clearly see now, it depends on whose hands it's in.
Therefore, put all your concerns, all your worries, all your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your families and all your relationships in God's hands because...
It depends on whose hands it's in.


Thanks Ele

A Subtle Breeze

A subtle breeze made it's way into my room last night. It carried with it a calming melody that blissfully danced into my dreams. It's tunes seemingly kissed my soul. I could feel it's presence with every fiber of my being. A symphony of beauty filled the space from corner to corner. A rest fell to me unlike any I'd experienced before. Though naked I was clothed from it's aura. I could somehow understand all things concerning my concerns. The melodies constantly chattering the strings of Angelic tunes, somehow told of calmly things. A true peace entered from everywhere. Time no longer existed. For a moment, heaven entered my room through a subtle breeze from my window last night.

Rearview Mirror

Looking through the rearview mirror of life. I hope to look back at mistakes I’ve made and corrected them. I hope to have learned from them. I hope to never travel down that road again. I hope to save others from going down the same path. I hope to never forget where I’ve come from. I hope be better than I was 5 minutes ago. I hope to leave something behind that can be of good use. I hope that others forgive me of things I may have done that I never expressed to them in a way that showed I was truly sorry. I hope to look back and find pride in some things i've accomplished. I hope that this road traveled was not in vain. I hope that my kids smile from times we've shared. I hope that people know I was there……….I hope........

Break Away!

You know when you’re driving and you’re just not really yourself but you don’t realize it until that damn song comes on the radio. Somehow the lyrics seem to be directed at you with such clarity and meaning. Somehow you get a vivid picture (all while driving) of the very reason the lyrics mean something today. So to Nikki,

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd prayI could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and break away.

Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane
Far away And break away





Thank you Kelly Clarkston

Sorry

Sorry for not posting recently. I've been in a fog lately. I don't like writing nothings.

Forward Through Life

Broken and in need of restoration
Stripped and hungry for covering
Lost and seeking direction
Alone and in need of a friend
Tired and chasing rest
Stagnant and needing a push
Somehow life has its way of showing all that it is
Sometimes we get caught in its fog and can’t point nor make it to any destination
The thing about life is that it doesn’t stop
Finding the drive to continue is what keeps us looking for those things we need to press forward
Forward
Forward
Once the fog has lifted we are better for it
Another one of life’s lessons that’s meant to be passed on
I am all those things named above and then some
Yet I know this too shall pass
With the lifting I hope to remember the very things that brought me to this moment
Thank you to you that remind me of things
Your words though at times may seem unheard strike a cord that simply cannot be ignored
Life’s words are full of life
Life is full of life
Press through Forward through life’s challenges
And never stop
Never give up
Forward
Forward

Prissy

I remember when you’d run and jump into my arms and say “Jamelly”. Wow! I love you Prissy!

10 Things I Find Wierd About People

1.) People that don’t like animals of any kind.
2.) People that put animals before humans.
3.) People that are always in someone else’s business.
4.) People that think racism is dead.
5.) People that are prejudice because someone is different than what they’re use to.
6.) People that curse at kids.
7.) People that hit people and keep going.
8.) People that are “ghetto” but don’t know they are, so they call others “ghetto”.
9.) People that are “close talkers”.
10.) People that don’t take responsibility for their own actions.

The 5 Things You Need To Know Today

5 Signs that your girl is cheating on you.

1.) When you call her she answers with a rare nickname (like boo or you) and is very brief.

2.) She hangs out with a male “friend” that she says is just her “friend” and he doesn’t like her like that. Umm he’s not gay!

3.) She has introduced you to the very dude she’s seeing.

4.) Out of nowhere you notice upgrades to her everything, i.e. new Yacki or Brandi weaves, nails down regularly, new clothes, heck even her car is clean (ALL THE TIME).

5.) She tells you in a joking way. It sounds something like this; “You know I got my other man for that”.

Slum Dog Millionaire 5 out 5 Stars

Every award this movie has won is definitely deserved. LOVE can sustain and overcome anything. No obstacle, no circumstance, no mistakes, no failures, no hurt, no monetary belongings, no power, no lost, no gains, no captivity, no matter what is in the way of LOVE, Love simply wins through. It is the one thing that has been birthed into us from the moment we were created. Everything about life is tied to love. Life represents love. Love represents life. In both are the keys to everything we need. I try to remember that I'm surrounded by it daily. Finding it in others is not something that is promised, but if we slow down and intake the wonders of life we shall acquire pieces to the many parts of the puzzle of LOVE. In it's purest form it is rarely realized. I say this because Love endures ALL. It does not boast or puff itself up. It is given with ease and shared the same. It is perhaps the one thing that never changes. Because of it's very origin it is what it was from the beginning. Love doesn't change. It last an eternity. Today, tomorrow and forever it shall always remain the same as it was yesterday.

Priceless

Box of BC Headeache Powders, $3.25
Soup, DVD Rental, Juice, $5.45
Blanket, Pillows, P.J's, $39.99
Watching my son roll around playing doing flips fighting the invisible monster, shouting watch this daddy!

Priceless!

Even when I feel alittle under the weather he always has a way of bringing joy to my world.

The 5 things you need to know today

The 5 things you need to know today (He’s just not that into to you)

1.) He only calls when he wants or needs something (never just because he’s thinking about you)
2.) You get put into voicemail over 50% of the time when you call him
3.) He rarely or never buys you anything
4.) Even when he has spare time, he doesn’t make it a point to spend it with you
5.) You haven’t met his friends or family members

Smile Babes

Be patient and I’ll hand you the world
Use judgment to know when not to bend
Listen to what it is I speak
Learn from words I choose
See me for who I am
Know that with you, I am complete and renewed daily
Allow me to be a man
A provider
A protector
A giver
A lover
A friend
And all the things that add to me
Allow me to compliment you on how beautiful you are in the light of my eyes
Learn when I want you to respond to a slight touch against the small of your back
Understand that everything I do is meant to please both God and you
Even as I write this I smile thinking of you
Allow me to be the lifetime shoulder that catches any pain or tears that you may face
Do not hesitate to ………anything
Damn we look good together
Just thought I’d express some things that came to mind
Smile Babes

Today's Quote

Today's Inspirational Quote:

"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you will help them become what they are capable of becoming."

-- J.W Von Goethe

The 5 things you need to know today

Ok, so there’s a radio station here in Atlanta called the Burt Show. Anyway they have a session called, “Melissa’s five things you need to know today”, which is based on news stories of the day. I started to wonder what are the five things you need in a relationship to make it successful. Now I’m sure you need more than five, but here’s the top five that I came up with.
1.) Attraction
2.) Commitment
3.) Honesty (no matter how difficult)
4.) Trust
5.) Support

Now these aren’t in any particular order. Now some of obviously come with time and some can sneak up on you. One should be learned quickly (while courting or chasing). Supporting each other passions and dreams can lead to many great things. Being committed to one person gives you freedom to explore each other’s everything.
Please feel free to add your 2cents………

Roses are red

Roses are red
Violets are blue
The pain I feel
Is directly from you
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Keep this up
And we’ll be through
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You playing games
Is something I don’t do
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have to ask
Do you know whom you’re talking to
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Why are you trying
To make me act a fool
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Now I see
Why the last dude left you
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Stop provoking me cause
Hitting you is something I will not do
Roses are red
Violets are blue
So now you’re
Calling the boys in blue
Roses are red
Violets are blue
All I wish to is leave
You take her word over mine; officer please
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Away I go
All this over some broke down hoe
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Learn from me
Don’t let this happen to you

Follow Me

A letter was left on my desk asking the following questions.



Why not trust and follow me? Have you known me ever lead anyone down the wrong path? Why not love me? Have I not shown you unconditional love? Why not listen to me? Have I only given the best advice and have I not followed my own word? Why do you push me away? Have I not tried to protect and shield you? Why do you choose to go against my request? Have I not shown you that I only ask out of love? Why have you trusted in others and not in me? Have I ever let you down while following me? Why do you not talk to me? Are my words not encouraging? Why do you settle? Have I not offered you a kingdom life? Why not start to follow me today? Have I not made my point clear?

X ____________Jesus Christ____________

HMD

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

Familiar Places

I found myself resting in a familiar place. Comfort filled my needs. Laughter that had been condemned was free to fill the air. The smell of life before the pain revisited me and I took in the breath of peace that surrounded me. I watched as the glow of light from the bathroom luminated the wood floor leading to this station where my dreams once probed. She was there, just as she'd been before, brushing her hair, preparing for bed. I smiled as I remembered moments when I could no longer wait for her to finish and so I'd find myself entering the light, just to be next to her. Companionship brings to mind many wonderful thoughts of exchanged beauties in this familiar place. A lifetime shared together filled with many beautiful things. Funny how the glow of light from a floor can take you to a place far from where you are and carry you to a heaven of love. I'm thankful for these things that are before me. Just nice to know that there is a place I can find familiarity.

Go check out the poem on sweetmango's page called............Love came and took me for a walk last night.

Rest

I wish I could rub away your pain and hold you until you find yourself refreshed and ready to breath in a new day. No worries shall penetrate you while I’m on duty. Relax and care for nothing but you. Time out for the outside passions that leave you drained. Today I shall stand in the heat of your days. Pick up a book, watch a movie, or maybe listen to your favorite cd. No cares today. No visitors today; that is unless you’re bringing laughter along. Rays of sun shall grace your cheek while I massage your feet as that novel takes you away. Today is rest. REST!!!

Be Careful Please

I say goodbye to a friend.

DeKalb teen dies from injuries in Saturday car wreck
Head-on crash killed other driver Lisa Hutchinson

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
After playing in a pair of baseball games on Saturday, 16-year-old Benjamin Bynum went to the movies with some buddies.
The Stephenson High School sophomore never made it home.

Family
Bynum died Tuesday evening from the injuries he sustained when the car he was riding in with five other teenage boys crossed the center line on Rockbridge Road in DeKalb County. The crash killed 43-year-old Lisa Hutchinson, whose 1994 Toyota Corolla was hit head-on.
Recent headlines:

Bynum died Tuesday evening from the injuries he sustained when the car he was riding in with five other teenage boys crossed the center line on Rockbridge Road in DeKalb County. The crash killed 43-year-old Lisa Hutchinson, whose 1994 Toyota Corolla was hit head-on.
A friend’s mom was supposed to pick the boys up at the theater, according to Benjamin’s mom, Linda Bynum. But those plans changed when her son met up with other friends. Linda Bynum suspects one of the boys offered the others a ride home in a 1995 Honda Accord.
“They decided they didn’t need to wait,” she said Wednesday night. The boys were all childhood friends.
Linda Bynum learned of the accident from her husband, Bernard, as she got home from work late Saturday. Because of the extent of his injuries, Benjamin was taken to Grady hospital.
“We were told there was nothing they could do,” Linda Bynum said. “He was already critical.”
DeKalb police spokeswoman Mekka Parish said Saturday night’s accident is still under investigation. Charges likely are pending against the 16-year-old driver of the Honda. He also suffered injuries in the crash.
Linda Bynum said the community support her family has received has been overwhelming. Church members, neighbors and Benjamin’s former teachers and coaches have reached out to the Bynums. Benjamin was active in his church, in the Beta Club at school, and was considering running for class president next year.
As the family makes funeral arrangements, they have found some comfort from knowing Benjamin’s organs have already helped several others.
“Even in death, there’s life,” Linda Bynum said. “To know that someone else is living on because of what the organs could offer is such a blessing.”
Benjamin is also survived by two brothers.

Enjoy

No words today because you should be outside enjoying the wonderful day!!!

My Name Is Jade

Fuck you too, I shouted! What? He replied back. Fuck you too, I answered. Ok, he said. Then continued to play as he was before the argument started between this man and me. One team had been on the court for quite some time, and when that happens the team never wants to accept defeat and this was no different. Once the inevitable defeat took place things seemed to have cooled down. Finally I was up next to play. While walking onto the court I was blindsided by the man whom I’d been arguing with moments before. I mean he sucker punched me dead in the mouth. His boys surrounded me, and I was trapped. I didn’t know anyone because I was new to the area. I think the man came to his senses as I put up my fighting arms lol. Understand I was 16 and he was approx. 28-32. I was jacked up. What a shot he got in. I needed stitches to close my lip. It was a big as 2 golf balls. I stayed out of school for like 2 weeks until the swelling went down. I swore that if I ever saw him again I’d kill him!

“Let me get 15 on pump 3”, I said as I handed the attendant a $20 bill. As he handed me the $5 in change I turned and noticed a man sitting in a Suzuki Sidekick outside. Instantly I was back on that basketball court from 6 years ago. It was that man who sucker punched me and left a permanent scar. Things had changed quite a bit over the last 6 years. 3 of my friends were sitting in the car waiting on me to come out of the gas station. Funny thing, well at least to me, we’d just come from playing basketball. I walked to my car and informed my friends that the dude in the Sidekick needed to get a quick beat down. With no objections from anyone, we proceeded to walk up on the fellow that truly had it coming. I asked, “Do you remember me?” Before he could answer one of my friends hit him. It was on from there. He didn’t have a chance. Figures huh, neither did I. Now I’m not going into detail but let’s just say, he won’t be hitting on anyone else for while unless he has help, if you know what I mean. (Though I know you don’t) Last words before we drove off were, my name is Jade!

Would You Mind?

Would you mind if I talked to you for a while
Would you mind if I walked you home…………lol….I know it might be a long walk considering we live in Georgia
Would you mind if I held your hand and carried your stuff lol
Would you mind if I complimented you on how nice you look
Would you mind if I told you I really like you and I’ve wanted to tell you that, a long time ago
Would you mind if I told you I think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known
Would you mind if when we finally made it to your home, I gave you a kiss and thanked YOU for walking with me
Would you mind if I asked if we could maybe see each other,,,,say next Tuesday at starbucks, say around 9pm or so
Would you mind if I didn’t wait til Tuesday to call you
Would you mind if I told you your smile brightens my days
Would you mind if I sent you a text with these words…….Good morning! Hope you have a great day!
Would you mind if I gave you flowers for no reason
Would you mind if I asked you to be my girlfriend……:)
Would you mind if I wrote you love notes
Would you mind if I had lunch with you
Would you mind if I told you that, everyday I’m with you feels good and new
Would you mind if I asked you to dance with me
Would you mind if I pulled you close
Would you mind if said I think we make a lovely pair
Would you mind if I act silly at times
Would you mind if I sang you songs even though I can’t sing
Would you mind if I told you I know you’ll be successful with anything you choose to do
Would you mind if I called you by nicknames that I made up
Would you mind if I kissed you again :)
Would you mind if I wanted to give you the moon the stars the sun and whatever other things that seem out of reach
Would you mind if I just simply said nothing and just enjoyed you
Would you mind if I made love to you
Would you mind if we shared thoughts, dreams, and plans together
Would you mind if I wanted all these things and more
Would you mind if they ended
Would you miss it?

Jaheem

Moved to tears as I listen to the story of 11 year old Jaheem of The Virgin Islands. His parents moved to the US where Jaheem attended a Dekalb County School. I'm not going to make this long. Basically after being bullied at school because of his accent for quite some time, little Jaheem came home from school one day and went to his room where he took a belt and went to his closet and hanged himself. My prayers go out to his family. I can only imagine what was going on in his head to have his life taken in such a way. He reminds me of my son. Listening to his mom talk about how happy and playful he was, simply moved me to tears. This was an 11 year old! 11! There are people around us daily that carry hurt or fear or even pain. To anyone that may find these words that think that all hope is lost, please know that it IS NOT!!! This may seem like a cliché but I'll say it anyway........if you need help or someone to talk to, please don't give up until you find it or someone. I truly want to say more, but as I said, I don't want to make this long. Now get out and enjoy life, it's a nice day outside.

Do two wrongs ever make a right?
What does true forgiveness mean?
Does anyone truly owe you?

Hip-Hop

Hip-Hop is
Life’s Journey
Eyes through dreams sometimes covered up by their surroundings
My activism voice
Sometimes a false reality
Reality
Rhythm that cannot be contained without movement
A voice to my community
Underestimated
A movement
Educational when applied through its true form
Chance
A tool that transforms nothing into something purposeful
Opportunity that may not be there in other ways
A swagger that could only be hip-hop
Is not everyone
A story as seen through its creators eyes
A contest
Light to darkness
A stance against the status quo
A gift not to be taken lightly
Art
Pencil to paper
Where the alphabet comes to life
Able to cross genres and leave a lasting impression that lasts a lifetime
Something that was thought to not last long
A line used to gain someone’s attention
Something that comes in many forms
N.W.A, LL.COOL J, Public Enemy, T.I, Common, Jay-Z, Biggie, Luda, Run-DMC, KRS-One, Special Ed, Lost Boys, Nas, Lil Wayne, Pac, Pun, Fat Joe, 50, Puff, Big Daddy Kane, Rakim
Also
The Rolling Stones, Justin Timberlake, Beyonce, Joe, R. Kelly, Maroon 5, Nickleback, One Republic, Cold Play, John Legend, Alicia Keys, James Brown, amongst many others
Setting the bar higher and higher
A dance, a vibe, a beat
You and I
Love
Hip-Hop

Elijah daddy loves you and needs you daily.

Home

Ah home. As I walk through the front door a sudden ah-ness takes hold. While not much is here it's still all mine. From the shoes I left at the door some weeks ago because they were wet from me returning from the car after searching for a cd I'd left on the seat. To the items left on the floor that I keep telling myself I pick that stuff up in the morning. Ah the stereo that seems to be calling out for me to turn on. Before going upstairs there's a brief stop in the kitchen where a box of lucky charms sits awaiting to be eaten for dinner. Yup dinner. Upstairs a camera clings to the door knob waiting the next adventure. Two pair of jeans hang from the closet door seemingly to say wear me. An iron sits in the corner waiting to press the issue. While the clothes in the corner cry for laundry day. 4 books grace the floor along with a school book. Ah home! The many little things that make it. Thank God for shelter! :)

Express Your Self

Expression is one's gift to those left with a touch of life left behind from the giver. So express yourself people. Live Live Live

Rest

You rested in my arms
I watched you close your eyes
A certain peace seemed to breather with you
Protected these arms carry you
Your comfort finds warmth with my soul
Released of all cares deeper you sink
Soft peddles of air escape your body
I reach to pull the cover over you to capture heat
You pull me even closer as if to say these arms are all I need
A gentle kiss I placed unto your head
To my joy a smile graces your face
Even through your dreams I am there
I pray that this never ends
Slowly our light between the blinds begin to dim
Rest my love
For tomorrow will provide a new day
So for now
Rest

My Name Is Jade

I know that, at cost a key of cocaine cost (at the time) approx. $10,000. I know that when stepping it down you’ll make more than double what you paid. I know that a pound of weed can be purchased for $900 -$1500 depending on the season and source. I know that you can double your money in time when breaking it down. I know what it feels like to have bullets flying through trees and the sound it makes when traveling through leaves. I know what the smell of crack smells like. I know what it feels like to be locked up. I know how easy it is to make a $1000 in a few hours. I know what it means to be “the one”. I know what it feels like to get what you want just by asking. I also know what it’s like to have the rug pulled from under you. I know what it’s like to walk away from power, respect and money. I know what it’s like to see someone murdered in front of you. I know what it’s like to be a Vice Lord for life. I know what I know because of life. It has taught me many things. In many ways it has hardened me in ways that cannot be changed. However with all that I’ve seen and lived through I still believe that God protected me through it all. I remind myself that things could be much different. Not only has He protected me and removed everything that was tyied to a certain life style, He is constantly renewing and replacing things that He knows I need. He is my supplier of everything. My name is Jade. While there are many stories I may write about, I in no way want them be glorified. These are just ways to express the way I try daily to submit to God’s purpose for my life. As I said, my name is Jade……….
To be continued…

?

You ever had that girl that you liked that you found yourself lose in her words? You ever had the seconds on a clock seem to tick by slowly while listening to her stories? You ever have to play catch up on her because somewhere in her words you just wanted to stop her with a smooth kiss that would leave her asking for more? You ever had that moment when the moment you saw her you knew everything would be fine on that day? You ever miss her when she’s away for a day? You ever want to help deliver her dreams to her? You ever just want say nothing and just while looking at her? You ever want her just because she’s who she is? You ever think about her smile when you’re alone? Or smile when thinking of her walk? Or maybe the way she hums to certain songs? Do you ever want to protect her from worries? Just thought I’d ask!

Today's Quote

"Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you."

-- Richard Bach

Black Females

I love my sisters. Lately I’ve come to the fact that I need them more than I realize. Everything about them is an art. From their curves to their feistiness it’s all about the black woman. She has nurturing qualities that only could come from her. She has a passion which words cannot describe. In her I find rest, love, peace, joy, happiness, covering, understanding, fruit, life, tenderness, and everything else not mentioned that I need. She can see straight through me and know when I need words or love. Her concerns are mine. Her vision is clear and straight forward. She is my gift that Is endless. I’ve come to look into them for so much. I’ve found that they are a vision of who I am and what I need. Their many shades brings beauty to many places. I guess what I’m trying to say is……To all my beautiful black females, I love all of you!!!

I Wonder

I wonder what it’d be like to brush against your skin. Or have my hand grace the small of your back. Or take your hand and lead you to dance. Or pull you close and whisper in your ear how beautiful you are. Or take a walk with you through the park and share stories between us. Or sit in silence and feel like we’ve just shared the world. Or be the protector of your everything. Or give you flowers to brighten your days even more. I was just thinking about those things.

You'll Say

I’d be faithful to you as long as you’re watching. I’d tell you, you’re a queen to your face but treat you like trash when you’re not around. I’d tell you I only have eyes for you, but when I’m out I seek to find who ever will give up the drawls. I’d give you flowers to show my love for you, yet I’ll also send flowers to the others as well. I’d say you’re the greatest, but I will always search for something better. I will spend time with you and make sure I leave enough time to spend with them as well. I will tell you you’re all I want and need, yet my search will continue to have more. I will say I’m not like those other people, but my actions will show we’re the same. I say don’t you see that I love you, and you’ll say…………………

I Enjoyed Life

I enjoyed my life here. I met a lot of wonderful people during my time. From the moment I came into the world I was embraced by many. Life’s lessons taught me that anything is possible if you would only believe. I appreciated everything that people did for me. I smiled, laughed, and even danced at times which brought me joy. I say these things because I want you to know that you too can have joy. You can have peace. You can have love. You can laugh. I left behind gifts for all of my father’s children. Seek them and you will find. There are many stories I’d like to share with you. You can find them in that book called The Holy Bible.

Shhhhh

I’m going to touch every inch of your walls. These chocolate hands will finesse your canvas to drench your loins’ in expected delight. Close your eyes as these full lips kiss you softly in all the right places. Sweet moans of bliss you’ll fill my ears. Those brown hands gripping my head as sweat swipes probe your love box. Kissed from toes to thighs your body raises in passionate preparation of all that I have to offer. With a thrust of our pelvic we become one. As hand to glove it was made for me. Those legs wrapped around me keeping me close. I’ve tasted every inch of your sweet tasting body including where my lips now rest. Just under your lob where your neckline begins are just right thoughts that escape your whisper. Together in song our bodies release with harmonies of eroticism. Curled toes and rolled eyes take you to a place where beatitude leaves you calling for more. I’m going to touch every inch of your walls is all I whisper……..Every inch…..I’m going to…..shhhh

Inside Her

Inside her is jubilance which most don’t get to see. Inside her are the gifts of passion yet to be tapped. Inside her is beauty beyond her pleasant smiles. Inside her shy quiet appeal is earth shattering love. Inside her are words yet to be spoken to her mates’ ear. Inside her are puzzles that if put together properly she’d open you up to pleasures never witnessed before. Inside her is pure felicity that can only be touched through dedication to her. You see there is someone that is meant to walk with her. To bring out those things that is buried inside. There is someone that will add to her everything. There is someone that will speak life into her lost dreams. There is someone that will touch everything and simply rock her complex. Inside her there he shall be…….

Come

Come on and walk with me, talk with me, laugh with me and even cry with me. Don’t be afraid to let me get close to you. I’ll do my best to cover you in all your pain, your hurt, your sadness, your loses, and anything else you may need covered. Take my hand and I will lead you to new beginnings of passionate love. Each day shall be gifts given to me of which I had no idea I’d ever open. Handed to me from the angels of Heaven I rejoice in all that you are. Never to fail in my thirst to please you, I will go the distance in this life with you. Careful I would be, to ensure that our dreams are reality. My love, my life, my hopes and needs; they rest with you.

Jade

I fell in love at 17 with a beautiful person both inside and out. Her laugh filled my heart. I remember the line I used to catch her attention. We sat next to each other in class. I leaned over to her and said, "there's someone in this class that I like". She replied, "who?" A booming "you", fell from my lips. Who'd know that she'd end up my wife and the mother of my child. From that moment my life was destined to become a world wind of life. Perhaps to much of life at times! We went through the phone stage. You know when you find yourself falling asleep talking on the phone about absolutely nothing. We'd go walking and not even notice that we'd walked for miles. All that mattered was that we were with each other. I slowly became a father at 17, because the love of my young life is a mother to a charming little girl with an overwhelming charm and fun loving spirit. Everyone looked at us as "the couple that would make it". And so we married. So there it is...young love.
It was her in the back of those court rooms I'd been in. It was her that always tried to lift my spirits when so many doors were slammed shut in my face. It was her that made my house a home. It was her that introduced me to love. This could go on and on for page after page. She was my light in a world that was constantly trying to darken around me. With all the good, fun, and light we shared, it wasn't enough to keep us together. It's tricky to be in a place where order has collapsed and roles have changed. Sort of pretending and hoping that some day life will return to normal. Only there will always be a this out of place thing that I'm afraid will never really fit. I've always had the ability to adapt to life's many changes. Finally it has managed to throw me a curve that I can't seem to hit. I even question if I should be allowed to swing. Happiness should be granted to those who seek it. Joy should be experienced for those who find it. Love is given to all of us, only so often we don't lead our heart to love. I'm learning that love is learned, experienced, and given only from God. Without a relationship with Him it cannot truly be known. Many things led to the fall of my marriage, but all are contributed to lack of a relationship with God. My name is Jade, and I need love in my life.

Freedom

T.I should not be going to jail! He does far to much good to still have to face jail time. We've all made mistakes in life. Obviously he's made a really big one. However he made some really big and good things happen as well. So come on and say it with me. Free T.I....Free T.I....Louder!!!

My Love

Ask of me and I shall attempt the stars. Trust my love and I will deliver. Take my hand and I'll carry your needs. Rest with me and I'll and I'll bury your worries. Talk to me and I'll absorb your beauty. Lay with me and I'll quench your needs. Share with me and I'll enlarge your territory. Ration to me your hurts and I will cover you. For you I'd give my heart. To encounter but one dance would delight my passion. To turn and open my eyes to days first light and have you there, I'd give my world to share. You make my days and my nights this more amazing. I love you my love....I love you.

Watchmen

Watchmen! I've heard several reviews about this movie, including from some friends of mine. All of which stated that unless you've read the comic books I wouldn't like it. I disagree with ALL of them. I've never read one issue of the comic but I did like the movie. I tend to like well thought out movies. You know the ones that start out all over the place but in the end everything comes together. If you haven't seen the movie I'm about to give one clue away.....Remember he's the smartest person on the planet.....Anywhooo, I'm not sure what the whole nakedness was about but ok. Out of 1-10 I'd give it an 8. Oh yeah, don't take your kids. You will have to leave....just trust me.

Tears

Warning if you just broke up with your mate, this is not good to read!!!

It’s raining outside. Hopefully it will hide my tears. You see I broke up with the love of my life. No fault of my own seems we just grew apart. My dreams slowly became just my dreams. Those hopes we once shared of life’s many treats shall no longer grace us with its presence. Funny how life brings unexpected change to your doorstep. I’m glad the clouds are blotting out the sun today. I just want to curl up and sleep all day. I know time is needed for this pain to ease, but there has to be a “press forward” button somewhere around here. Walking past people, seeing their lives continue as a struggle with this, gives me hope of possible newness added to my life. Slowly my cloudy days are parting, and I begin to feel the rays of sun brushing against my face. As though a wipe of God’s hand my tears are dried. I know everything is going to be ok. It’s just a shame we didn’t make it. We could’ve had the world at our doorstep.

The Dentist

I went to the dentist Monday to get some work done. Being that I don’t like pain I requested to be put under using nitrogen gas. Man o man let me tell you it was something else being that high. If that is what weed feels like I need to stay away for life, cause it was a great feeling. Felt like I was floating over my body. I remember laughing while the Doc. was drilling into my teeth. For whatever reason I found the sound of the drill to be hilarious. I think I even told the nurses that they were pretty. Heck I even called people on the phone. I don’t know what I told them but none of them hung up. Heck I called my boss and she just stayed on the line. Not one of them hung up! LOL! All in all the visit went well. I did come up with a great show idea while I was under. It’s called the Dentist. Basically I came up with characters that visit the dentist. While under the gas they start to tell stories about things that have happened in their lives. One of them is a serial killer. One is cheating on his wife. One is just trying to find the right man. One is in love with the dentist (which is why she always comes back so often – oh the dentist happens to be a female). The other one is in the mob. Now I don’t know how all of it ties together but we’ll see. Oh one last thing, if you haven’t been to the dentist lately, you really need to go. Oh yeah the dentist is black.

Relationship Questions

When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies. But after he wins her heart (for some he never did, you just settled), he often stops learning about her. The mystery and challenge of knowing her seems less intriguing, and he finds his interests drifting to other areas.
My question is, is there anyone out there that can explain how to stop this corrosion in it's tracks?

Today

Today I woke up with you no longer a ray to my morning. Today a release was given. Today the taste of you, changed. Today without liquids my thirst has been quenched. Today I turned the page of hope. Today I didn't reach for you. Today I didn't want to hear your voice. Today I left aspiration behind. Today joy filled my morning without cogitation of you. Today my love, it's a new day. Today is Today!

Jade part 3

With no company willing to hire me or at the very least take a chance on me, I decided to start a home improvement company. After all I was skilled with my hands. So I had some flyers printed and off went the business. My first customer was a gutter cleaning job which paid me $45 in about an hour. Now I know numbers and I'm thinking umm not bad. That customer in turn passed my number on to his friends and so on and so until I had a legitimate business. I mean I set my own hours. Did things how I wanted to do them. Yet I wasn't happy. This was not the life I'd wanted. I grew to dislike being the "handy man". I felt like my options were limited. Seemed as though everything I wanted I couldn't have. There was always some reminder that I belonged to the justice system. By now I'd been locked up on 4 separate occasions. All stemming from that one case where I was arrested for doing my job. The terms of probation were much to achieve. Not really the whole staying out of trouble thing, but the monthly payment I was ordered to pay was simply too much. I mean I had a live in girlfriend and I was trying to raise a child, all while being one myself. If payment wasn't on time, a warrant would be issued for my arrest. I was always looking over my shoulder. My inner radar for police grew as time went on. Heck to this day I'm always looking to see where the cops are. If there's one thing I know, it's that the police will smile in your face while locking you up. Each time that payment wasn't made it was an automatic probation violation and a minimum of 30 days in jail. All of which was time spent, just waiting to see a Judge. Who by the way could at any point have me locked up for years. Wow what a way to live. I remember meeting my probation officer for the first time. Officer Butler was his name. Ah, he seemed so nice. That is until I called him to let him know that I didn't have the $425.00 payment that was due. Without skipping a beat he replied, "If you don't have it a bench warrant will be issued for your arrest", and hung up the phone. W.T.F. Now what? Now don't get me wrong I was busting my ass finding work, but it was simply too much. The whole system is designed so that you will fail. I mean anyone that's working or has worked knows that you must pass a criminal back ground in order to obtain employment. Although I was running my own business, I would have rather been working for company. So you tell me how do you do that when you're on probation? Trust me you're not going to find many jobs out there that will look past the fact that you've been arrested and charged with burglary and now you're on probation. So what would you do? Well for me I tried everything. from home improvement, to truck driving, to pizza delivery, to drug dealing....
To be continued...

Fresh Starts

Ahhh newness. Everyone loves it. I mean who wouldn't. Freshness, pure and unspoiled. Unknown and can be made into what you envision. A chance to start from the mark and set a new finish line. Isn't it nice. Unchartered terroritories and dreams. Yup newness is nice. Only lets not forget where you've come from and what you've come through to arrive at this place. Just because it's new, it's not always better. Newness begins from within. Not taking the time to look in the mirror will cause you to take the things you thought you left behind and bring them into the "new". That applies to whatever your new is. Understand that I'm speaking to myself as well. Past experience has made me understand that unless you cleanse your past you will end up with specks throughout your newness.

Chris Brown

W.T.F



http://www.tmz.com/2009/03/05/chris-brown-rihanna-police-report/


Um if ever there was a need for a ass whippin!

Good Morning

Excitedly awaken with great anticipation today. I'm not sure as to why, but I know something good is to happen today. Come what may I'm glad I was granted another day. Goal for today is to flow in love. Lead, not follow my heart. Trust what God speaks to me and simply do as He commands of me. Hope all enjoy the day.

Good Night

Good night watchers of the sea. Good night makers of the light. Good night makers of rain. Good night trees of the sky. Good night animals of the field. Good night birds of the air. Good night nations of men. Good night stars to which I rest. Good night to all. I kiss your lips ever so gently as you rest your eyes. I stand for a moment to catch my dreams of you. Tippy toe away I go. One look over my shoulder as you sleep. Good night my love silent wishes for peaceful dreams. Good night Elijah, Christen, and Nakya. I love you all.

What Would You Do?

I wonder what you'd see if you looked inside my window. Would you notice the empty rooms? Would the lonely halls cry out to you? Would the deaf silence attempt a whisper? Would you see the suns failed endeavor through the blinds? Would you notice the empty cabinets and missing pictures? Would the paintless walls cry out for a voice? Would you catch my wonders of desolate thoughts? Would you notice the dark from which I sit? Would you see the unaccompanied meals to which I partake? Would the endless tosses of sleep wonder your mind? Would you reach to wipe the tears of isolation away? Would you notice the repeated routine of lifelessness? I ask but one more question....What WOULD YOU do if you peeked inside my window?

March 1, 2009.....Can someone tell me why it snowed today.....This is Hot Atlanta! WTH...

Jade pt. 2

As if time stood still I knew I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. I knew I had to right my response. I just made a mistake, they'd understand. So I decided to pull Rebecca Stauton aside and tell her my error in thinking that stuff was left by a previous tenant that no longer wanted it. I offered to get in the dumpster and remove everything that was in there. Anything that was damaged I'd pay for. I told her I thought I was just doing my job and that I lied because I was afraid of losing my job. I swear I meant no harm. Rebecca understood how the mistake was made and told me not to worry about it. I immediately went to retrieve the items from the dumpster. Ten minutes into my recovery efforts a man leans over the rails of the dumpster and calls for me to come out. He asks me, "Are you Jade?" "Yes I am", I replied. "You're under arrest" he said. "For what", I asked. "Burglary", he proclaimed. "WHAT, but she said it was o.k.", I said in total confusion. "Well, she changed her mind", he said, seemingly with some delight. Just like that my world crashed. Cuffed in the back seat of a squad car headed to jail where I was finger printed, strip searched, dressed out in orange, and booked into population. I faced 3 counts of felony burglary charges. I spent 2 days in jail waiting to see a judge. My parents hired a lawyer by the name of Charles Floyd. His only effort in helping me was getting me out of jail by getting me a signature bond. After that he was useless. He immediately tried to get me to settle on a plea agreement, telling me I'd probably only do 6 months. W.T.F. I mean plea for what? Doing my job!? My only crime was not telling the truth when initially asked. Needless to say he was fired after our first meeting. Mean while of course I was fired from my job. Heck they even kept my last check. I had a little money saved and was able to hire another attorney. His name was Dallas Ryle. I felt I'd be in safe hands with him. Now he was good...well at least at doing one thing...which was getting the trial delayed. Of course all that meant was more money for him. Being that I now had a pending burglary charge on my record, I couldn't find a job anywhere. I applied everywhere, but come on....would YOU have hired me? Naturally my funds dried up I couldn't afford to pay attorney fees any longer. I remember going to court one time and my lawyer told the judge he was going to have to drop me due to non-payment. Somewhat lucky for me Judge Clarence Siliger ordered him to stay on the case as pro-bono. Now that was good because it meant at least I'd have an attorney. Yet in his eyes this was a waste of time for him. For 2 years my case kept getting delayed. Finally June 1, 10:45am. I was sitting in the back of the court room with my girlfriend. My attorney walking toward me seemingly in slow motion. Finally reaching me he says, "The D.A just made an offer and you need to take it". As if I could read his mind, I knew he wasn't going to put anymore effort into defending me. So I excepted the plea agreement. 3 counts misdemeanor theft by taking. 12 months probation for each count. Restoration of $6754.00 to be paid out on a monthly basis. All under nolo contendra. Once I completed probation my record would be clean as long as I stayed out of trouble. Finally an end was in sight to this nightmare I'd been living for the past 3 years. Well at least I thought......
To be continued...

Ralph Bunche Black History

I've got a shocker for you...Martin Luther King Jr. was not the first black man to receive the Nobel Peace Prize.....oh the horror of it all...lol..

You're looking at the first black man to receive this honor.

Ralph Johnson Bunche (August 7, 1904-1971) was born in Detroit, Michigan. His father, Fred Bunche, was a barber in a shop having a clientele of whites only; his mother, Olive (Johnson) Bunche, was an amateur musician; his grandmother, «Nana» Johnson, who lived with the family, had been born into slavery. When Bunche was ten years old, the family moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico, in the hope that the poor health of his parents would improve in the dry climate. Both, however, died two years later. His grandmother, an indomitable woman who appeared Caucasian «on the outside» but was «all black fervor inside»1, took Ralph and his two sisters to live in Los Angeles. Here Ralph contributed to the family's hard pressed finances by selling newspapers, serving as house boy for a movie actor, working for a carpet-laying firm, and doing what odd jobs he could find.

Write It!

Write it! While saying my prayers this morning an undeniable voice commanded, "Write it!"

I was praying this morning about being denied what your heart wants. I've always believed that if you want something, chase it until you get. Life says this rule no longer applies. Yet everything in me calls for the opposite of what life says. Understanding that rejection is a real thing, I've learned that you must set boundaries in what you seek. Be willing to stand and say o.k. to not having all that you desire even while chasing it, is true love. That's for anything and anyone you seek. Doesn't mean your desire for those things have to change. What if Christ stopped desiring to save us? What if every time we turned from Him, He gave up? Yes rejection hurts but keep loving anyway. Keep pressing toward what you desire. If it serves to be good, then come what may you've loss nothing if it ends without tangible proof.

Million Miles From Home

"A million miles from home. So far from the place I belong." Awaken to a newness that feels melancholy. The sun doesn't seem to shine in this corner of the world. No hint of lumination in sight to ease this wound. As a lost puppy searching for familiarity I press forward. Transition into fresh starts and unconquered worlds are bound to bring comfort. Goodbye my home, from which I once belonged.

DaShand R. Ray

DaShand R. Ray
I lost my cousin this month on the 17th of 2003. He died after being trampled to death in a Chicago night club. You may remember this because it made national headlines. Several young lives were taken that night. I came across his funeral program while looking for a cd for a friend. Every time I see his picture, it grabs me. He always seems to be staring through me. I swear sometimes I can feel his joy. Though he's no longer here, he will NEVER be forgotten. He was born May 4th, 1978. He had a charm that would just draw you in. Growing up we spent a lot of time together. His future was so bright. He was called home so soon, but I know he's sitting with the angels making sure his love ones remain in the book of life. I like to think that he goes to see the Holy Spirit in His office when he see's one of us headed down the wrong path. Gently telling Him to look out for us. Thanks Shan. I love you, and I miss you.

What am i chasing

Falling for the wrong person can lead you down the road of pain. Chasing the wrong thing is guaranteed to end in destruction. Does the person truly have your best interest in mind? For real, ask yourself that question. Before you ask them that, ask yourself what is truly best for you. Life has this way of showing you everything it has to offer. Yet you can miss so much focusing on the wrong things. Listen for God, he speaks to us in many ways. Determine yourself to get to where He wants you to be. Not many of us are willing to chase after Him. Lets change that!

Inspiration to me

So this morning as I started my day gospel music was playing in the background and I began to think of someone that inspires me. I'm pretty sure she has no idea how much she does, but she does. She's the one that introduced me to this blogging thing. Which I truly enjoy. Expression should be shown in many ways, yet so often we limit ourselves on finding ways to do so. When I met her she was outstanding to me by appearance alone. She's a soulful beautiful person with a outside the box attitude of style. She's one to be noticed. From day one we've clicked like a man and a remote control. Everyday I look for ways to improve myself. I make it a point to do those things that I tend to put off til tomorrow. I want to be smarter, kinder, and overall a better human, and a better man. God places you in places that feed into who He knows you are. We miss it more then we catch it. I believe I caught this one. Thank you Diane "Woot" Feghabo for simply being you

Jade Again

So here it be yet again pen to pad expressing life. From the back of a squad car I watched as my former life of confidence, love, peace, and pure joy faded away as we drove away. A dark voice telling me to sit up. As if to say, sit up boy so that everyone can see you being taken to jail.
Before the epiphany of the above moment I was on my way. Though my accomplishments were minor, they were mine to have. As a child I had a natural talent for fixing things. You name it I could fix it. It only seemed natural for me to apply for a maintenance job I’d seen in the local paper. At 17 I was a shoo-in for the job. Making adult money I moved into my first apartment. Yeah baby, yeah! I had things going for my-self. I was dating the “hot girl”, and lived in a “nice area”, driving the “bad car”. Heck I even got a promotion a few months after starting my job. I was assigned to work at a new complex. There were only 2 of us at the time I arrived. It was myself and the maintenace supervisor, who was hired mainly because he knew how to clean pools. Both of us were new to the property and things were going just fine. I was training my supervisor on maintenance issues and he was training me on clerical duties. Part of my responsibilities was pre-move in (punch out) inspections. Basically making sure the unit is ready for the new tenant to move in. 4:30pm Friday, March 30th, I went to the last unit on my list to punch out. 4:55pm. I lock up the unit and proceed to check the outside storage area which was 3x3 sq. ft of space. To my surprise the space was full of stuff. I mean there was a ironing board, old books, milk crates, shoes, encyclopedias’, a box of glasses, and an old hand held black and white TV set. Man it was 5 minutes to quitting time. A storm was coming and I was ready to go home. I hurried to the office to check our move in-out board. A new tenant was scheduled to move in on Monday. Dang! So the space had to be cleared. Everyone was already gone for the day, and by it being Friday this had to be done. I went back and cleared the space. 2-3 trips to the dumpster and it was done…..
Monday April 3, 9:00am. I walk into the office and right away I sense something’s wrong. I see the office manager waving for me to come over. She’s standing there with a black female whom was introduced to me as Rebecca Stauton. The office manager asked me one question. It would change my life forever. She said, “Jade, did you see any stuff in the storage unit of 735?” Before I could gather myself a “NO” came out.
To be continued…

Nigeria Black History

Little known facts about Nigeria. Of the entire continent of Africa it has the largest population of 115 million people. It's the worlds 5th largest oil producer. It's history dates back to the 5th century b.c. Her people speak over 400 languages, some of which are being threatened with extinction. As with many nations she's still finding her way. With many changes in leadership through the decades, she's seen much bloodshed. With the election of Umaru Musa Yai'Adua in 2007 it is hoped that unity will be achieved throughout it's people, and that what Nigeria offers the world will profit Her much!

I Awakened

I awakened with you this morning, though you were not here. I envisioned your eyes, your smile, your lips and your shoulders. You are by far one too love. Yours are that, that commands an army's attention through eye contact alone. Yours are the deep folds in one's artistic abilities unmatched through your smile. Yours are the oceans waves that kisses beaches. Yours are the canvas I wish to draw a conclusion on with tiny osculations to them.

Mirrors

I reached for you, yet you were not there. I cried for you, yet you didn't seem to care. I wanted to grow with you, yet you choose to stay the same. I needed you, yet you turned away. I whispered in your ear, yet you hated my melody. I tried to feed you, yet my bread you called stale. I loved you, yet it wasn't enough. I prayed for you, yet you continue as you are. How long must this go on before you change these things? How long must I wait for you to finally see? How many tears must I lose before you reach to wipe them away? How long must I stand with empty arms? I reach inside myself to discover these things I seek dwell inside me.

Prince Hall Black History

Prince Hall is recognized as the Father of Black Masonry in the United States. Historically, he made it possible for Negroes to be recognized and enjoy all privileges of free and accepted masonry.

LOUIS ARMSTRONG Black History

(1900-1971) Bandleader, entertainer and the first great jazz soloist to achieve worldwide fame and influence as a trumpet player and symbol of a new music.

Addictions

Today I had to tell a friend off! I mean I cursed his ass out. I’ve reached the point of pure disgust and just plain ole’ pissedofftivity (pissed- off- tiv- ity). The problem is he’s addicted to alcohol and drugs. I’ve held my tongue far too long, and it all came out today.. I’ve seen firsthand what this addiction does to not only the person using, but also the people that care and love them. I’m getting a little pissed now, as I’m sitting this. Inside I’m screaming – Stop being selfish and get some freaking help! You got a PROBLEM!!!! Sorry, I’m still working on that. Love is patient and not easily provoked. I just want the best for him. So, there are 2 things I want people that read my page to do. 1-Is pray for him. 2- Is if you’re dealing with this too, speak up! I’d like to add one more. If you’re one that has a problem, please get help to stop. Please!
I did call him back with more of loving approach. Thank you God for whispering in my ear.

TD Jakes Black History

Bishop came to my church one Sunday morning to speak to men. All I can say is it was TRULY life changing. He spoke in a way only a man could have. He reached so many of us that day.

"You are no greater than what you believe. You are no stronger than your belief system. You cannot have victory without conflict. You can't have healing without sickness. You will never understand pleasure without pain. God's grace is painted on the canvas of despair. The greater the battle - the greater the spoils. Faith becomes the foundation I'm built on.
"Something happens whenever you sacrifice. The enemy is great at changing a word or two!"

Sidney Poitier Black History

This man is my single vision of speaking. His ability to tug at you through the simple use of words is mesmerising to me.

"I'll always be chasing you... Glory."

"We suffer pain, we hang tight to hope, we nurture expectations, we are plagued occasionally by fears, we are haunted by defeats and unrealized hopes . . . The hopelessness of which I speak is not limited. It's in everything. There is not racial or ethnic domination of hopelessness. It's everywhere."

Malcolm X Black History

This was one of my hero's growing up.

"Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today."

"Stumbling is not falling."

"There is no better teacher than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance next time."

Marcus Garvey Black History

The Mystic TouchThe Mystic Touch Many years ago we fell asleep by the sedative of the superman, but the mystic magic of nature wand says awake and rise again. Too long has thou slumbered, too long has time passed you by, your work on earth is delinquent and you cannot reign on high. If it's true that you've awaken, good for you,...

Quote of the day

True love looks for ways to say yes.

Qoute of the month

Be willing to climb a mountain of no's, to get to one yes.

Age

When is love at an out of reach state? When is age a defining moment to love or not? Where should the line be drawn between the two? Love comes in many forms. Those lucky enough to genuinely find it will tell you it has no limits. They will tell you it is patient, and kind. Love is pure hope which rests in faith. Above all love is the thing we ALL have, and there-fore it’s the greatest gift we can give. I’ve learned that MY perception of love is wrong. I’ve tried to place it in a box of my likes and dislikes, yet somehow, someway I’ve been proven wrong many times. Love is always within reach. It is what we choose to do with it that makes the difference. Age has it’s many gaps, but if love conquers all then need I say more. Jay Z and Beyonce are 12 years apart. Winnie and Nelson are 18 years apart too. We’ve celebrated their togetherness. That’s their love thing, which shouldn’t be measured by us. That’s they’re thing. Love is open to many things. Find rest in it. I know this is all over the place but that under the weather thing is trying to rear its head again.

What are the main ingredients in a marriage? What sustains one? What should be in place before one?

Still under the weather

Jade

Hey it's me again Jade. A second away from changing my life. My brother you know the one that tortured me when I was younger? Yeah him! Well he got into a fight with of all people, his best friend. Now I'm not sure how it started but I do know how it ended. Keep in mind I was pretty young at the time. Anyway, somehow his friend tried to get my brother jumped after school. Well he did get into a fight after school, but he didn't get jumped. The person that started the whole thing was my brothers friend. Well one thing lead to another, and next thing I know our phone was ringing off the hook with people threatening him, my other brother and all kinds of stuff. No we don't really back down from a fight so it was on like Donkey Kong. With me ready for war. Yes war! My brothers went down stairs and cut the pool table sticks in half, and I went upstairs to my parents room to get my fathers pistol. Which I had done so many times before. Only this time I truly planned on using it. No my parents had nor have any idea that this happened. My brothers didn't even know about me getting the gun. After we finished preparing for battle, my older brother called the enemy to inform him that we'd be coming in five minutes to whoop some ass. I swear it seemed like we were in the cowboy days because everyone seemed to know that in five minutes all hell was gonna break lose. So there we were. The three of us walking through the alley towards glory. Yes glory. When we arrived there they stood. The one that started this whole thing along with his 3 other friends. They came prepared as well. One even had a big ass chain he was planning to use. Now keep in mind I'm probably 12 maybe 13 or so. Everyone else is about 17 or 19 or so. So I really should not have been there. But there I am face to face with the enemy. Suddenly one of them hauls off and smacks my brother. That's when all hell broke lose. I mean there were fist flying everywhere. I was doing my best to keep my brothers from getting hurt but they really didn't need me. That was until my brother knocked one of them out cold and another one came running over to him about to knock my brother in the head with a stick. Thats when it happened. I pulled out that pistol I'd been carrying and aimed it at that boys head that was about to streak my brother and pulled the trigger. Just as my little fingers was able to fire my oldest brother ran toward me and pushed my arm away to keep me from shooting that guy in the head. I swear it was if time stood still. Everyone stopped fighting and looked at me. My brother was hurt, scared and mad and sad all at the same time. As if a bell had rung the fighting was over. My brother took the gun away from me and we all went home. I told him I was only trying to protect my other brother from getting hit in the back of his head. He didn't care. He was just wounded that he allowed me to be apart of the whole thing to begin with. So much could've happened if he'd not been there in time to push my hand away. So thanks Rocky for changing my life.