There are so many tangible things that we will encounter in this journey of life but finding something worth holding on to, and working hard to keep it, and learning how to nourish its existence is where you find meaning in the experiences you encounter. Learning how to let go of all securities and dive into a sea of possibilities is where passion exist. Finding ways to breathe with no air, only living through corporeal proficiencies that give new life to your days, and warms the night’s cool breezes; can only be understood through looking beyond your sight and trusting in something more than what can be seen. When asked, ‘How do you know you love her/him’, it cannot be fully understood because it is a living thing that is forever changing and adapting to survive in its atmosphere and it will leave you with a response of, ‘I just do’. I live because I’m made to do so, and I love because I’m called to love her as living-loves-to- live. Most precious gifts are not fully appreciated because we lack the understanding of its true purpose. What a joy it is to comprehend a gift truly. A gift brings out the best in a thing, and the best things are never tangible. They are the things you carry with you internally, and they sustain you and feed you in ways you never imagined a need would be. So subtle are the tones that exist between us, and I’m anxiously awaiting our next note. How substantial you have become to me and yet still no finger could point to one exact thing that draws me to your well. Continue to pour over me, the fabric of you and I will catch it all…… Yeah I’m talking to you!

My Name is Jade

Aight, so you’ve read some stories from the past life I once led and you may be wondering where or what I’m up to now….. I’m not sure if I’m ready to reveal that just yet, but looking over all that you’ve read, where would you expect me to be? Look over what todays world has brought forth…. Nigga’s being nigga’s, but to some it may look like nigga’s are worse than they’ve ever been; I beg to differ on that. I don’t know, maybe it’s the world, time, atmosphere or people I came up with but I don’t think it’s the same today as it was back then. Lol, at ‘back then’, because it sounds like it’s been so long ago since the stories I tell are 50 years old or something. Everywhere there’s a club atmosphere or any gangster movie I see, or any hood I find myself in makes my blood thin and causes my heart to pound at a familiar beat and I find myself right back in a world of boss status. During movies I’m like the former general watching a military movie and noticing that nothing is current. Everything from the bars on captains shoulders and hearing people in the movie refer to them as lieutenants or something crazy, causes me simply shake my head. I can see or spot the authenticity in gangster movies from the first 10 minutes of it. I can spot a loud mouth idiot that’s certain to get dealt with before the movie ends. Almost every club scene or gang related viewing my eyes partake of, or real gangster movies reminds me of what these streets can and will bring. I’ve been asked by many, what dirt have I done in my life. Have you ever shot someone? You ever kill someone? How many kids you got? What happened to the money? Police ever try to get money from you? Where the hoes; you never really write about them? What are you up to now? How much time did you do? You ever been shot? Man I promise you all I be wanting to say is, ‘mind your motherfucking business pimpin’, but if you’ve been one that have asked me those questions you know my response is always upfront and honest. For those that read this and want to know the answers to the questions above, I’d ask that you simply read the stories of Jade and many of your questions will be answered. There’s so much more to come because the life I’ve lived, I’ve lived in a lifetime. Have you ever shot someone? Yes! It wasn’t expected. Even though I’ve carried a pistol since the age of 13 or so, I never expected to actually use. It’s weird because I never had a problem using it, I just never figured I would actually to it, you know? I mean I grew up with fundamentals. You didn’t pull a weapon unless you was going to use it. You didn’t threaten anyone with words like, ‘I’ll shot yo ass’, or ‘I’ll stab yo bitch ass’ unless you were going to attempt it! Plus I always had a way about me that made people respect me. I mean, I didn’t have to say much or do much cause people were just willing to handle dirt for me. Sure I took care of those around me, but to this day I have no idea what it was/is about me that makes people do some of the things they did/do. “Sooooo what or how did you end up shooting someone negro?” Hold on, im getting there! Remember me talking about the club scene? ……yea put a lil liquor in me and add some loud music with some damn near half naked females and 1 shout out by the DJ and ‘Jade’ becomes reborn into a almost totally different person. I can comprehend everything and remember details at a higher capacity in that state and the club becomes MINE (in my head), and I want everyone in the place to have the time of their life! I make my way all through the club; everywhere from the DJ booth, to the restroom to the front door welcoming people to the pleasure palace. The spot became my kingdom for the night and we were gonna have a time to remember! Every outing was always nice….except for this one time…. As you may already know, there’s always some idiot that’s bound to fuck shit up and of course that night ‘he’ would have to find his-self being the fool in my space…. Now here I am feeling good and having a great night out….VIP full of ass! My boyz feeling good. Smiles could’ve be seen from miles away if the walls fell. Everyone G’d up (dressed nice). Bottles poppin! Cigars lit! So there I was with 2 females under my arms headed back to VIP to introduce the new ‘horses’ I captured at the door. (side note – it’s funny writing this cause to this day, when I’m at a club, you will find me at that door at some point in the night lol). “A NIGGA, watch what the fuck you doing”…. Now I heard that and kept walking cause he couldn’t be talking to me, but as I said my senses are always heightened so 15% of me was on alert just in case something popped off with some idiots fighting each other in the place. So after dropping my ‘ponies’ off I kept it moving, as they were in good hands with my people. I noticed one of my brothers people chilling toward the rear of the club so I headed that way. Halfway to him, I hear the same voice I heard moments before saying, “I don’t care who the fuck that nigga is. I’ll bust a gap in his bitch ass”. Man I swear it was as if the music stopped and everyone was silent. I didn’t know who said it or who he was talking to so I turned in the direction I heard the words coming from. I locked eyes with this big dark skinned dude and I gave him the ‘what up my dude’ head shake and all I heard was, “Yeah nigga, I’m talking to you! Fuck around and get popped in the mouth and find yo ass in a ditch somewhere”. Stunned, I find myself pointing myself in my chest mouthing, “ME?” “YEAH YOU!” Now I’m in shock, but I remember every word he spit in anger at me and puzzled as I was I asked him, “Damn, you gone shoot me?” and before he could respond, there I was holding a smoking barrel of glock 9 and all I see are yellow timberlands, toes pointed to the ceiling and several of my people running toward me, pulling out the back door. I remember ‘Skip’ coming up the alley with only the fog lights glaring from the blacked out Yukon. “Get the fuck in nigga!” “What the fuck happened?” I still didn’t put it all together. I was in a state of ‘where we going? Why we leaving?’ I didn’t see it as anything wrong, because the level at which I was, no one was allowed to do what this nigga did and get away with it. I completely put it back on him and couldn’t comprehend why we had to leave the damn party! Man I think it was a couple of days afterward that I realized the magnitude of what I’d done. Sure it gave me street cred, but I didn’t need that shit…I had that already! I guess it did give everyone around me the comfort (man that seems crazy) to know that I’d always handle things as needed and they knew that if we rolled together, then we rolled as 1. Now I guess you’re wondering what happened to the dude I shot and truth is…… you’ll have to stay tuned…. This is my story and my name is Jade

Naked....Standing

Here I am standing naked as never before With my heart belonging to you Fear grips me like never before In defense mode my heart enters Constantly searching for escape routes to prevent hurt Find all of my fears painted over this canvas called ‘exposed being’ See who I am freely Watch as I remove the blanket of comfort from my soul Find me reaching for you, hoping that you’ll reach back Listen to the broken gifts left upon the roads I’ve traveled Look into the pit of my pupils and feel the endless voids that have claimed root there Even in as I’m falling and I’m yelling for you to catch me I’m behind the wheel but you are in complete control Exposed, open, yet completely covered in dark hope Here I am standing naked as never before As even completeness fills me, I hold on to potential emptiness Find me in a sea of wonders and give me peace Let this night turn into days and days into nights Even as distance grips our bodies, leave me a lifeline to grab hold of Hear my passion beating for you and dance in its rhythm Placing my all. My everything. My fiber. My heart. My mind. My body before you nake and I’m…. Standing Here