GMA

You…you were pleasure. You were kind. You were giving. You always put others first, even when I wanted you put yourself first. You would always try to clean, even as I was taking the rag out of your hands. You’d bake my favorite cake, just because you knew I was coming. You loved me as I was your own. Even as life interrupted the time we’d share, you still let me know you’d always be my gma. So often we miss opportunities that were sent from heaven, but I’m glad that this one wasn’t missed. Gma you been called a true saint and that’s all I knew you to be. I watched you with Gpa all those years and admired your dedication to all things. Gpa ain’t the same without you. I can hear him calling your name as he always did…..’Flo Bell’….he’d call you but didn’t want anything but to know that you were there. I’m sure he’s calling you now, so Holy Spirit please give him comfort that he needs. Gosh Gma, you were peace. I can’t help but erase the tears with smiles as I think of you…while I may shed some, most are tears of joy that I knew you.

I Wonder

Dear you,
I wonder so much through the thought of you. I wonder the potential of a you and I and I wonder if there truly is a potential of a you and I. I wonder why I wonder such things because I believe there is potential in all things. I wonder if I’m right about you, but more important I wonder if I’m right for you. Even as I know I’d live the fullest life I could reach for with you, I wonder if it’ll be enough to sustain your all. Funny thing is, that even as I write this that wonder fades. I wonder how such things could be so easily obtained through a you and I, but just as I type that, the wonder is taken and replaced with a resounding ‘you are deserving’. I wonder if the ‘be careful what you ask for, because you may get it’, will happen, but then again I wonder why I wonder that because I want what I’ve asked for. I wonder if you know what I’ve asked for, but then again I believe you know because you see her in the mirror daily. I wonder what your tomorrow will be like; will you enjoy every moment, or will you be lost in translation of your new realization. I wonder if I’d be enough for you, but if you are what I pray for, you’d have to be, but I wonder if I’ll be the dream of what you’d want to hold on too for a lifetime. I wonder what it is that I see in you that have become my magnet. I wonder why I never walked away from you. I wonder how your smile lightens my thoughts. I wonder that what God would show you if you prayed about certain things. I wonder how God will give me exactly what I’ll need to preserve you. I wonder if you’ll truly love me for who I am, at every moment that lay ahead. I wonder if you get me. I wonder if you know how much I enjoy ‘getting’ you. I wonder how you’ve taught me things without actually speaking. I wonder why you’re in the package that you’ve come in. I wonder if you could nurture me the way I need, but I already know you carry that ability. I wonder how long you’ll hold back before letting go and give freely. I wonder if you’ll enjoy the giving that you give me. I wonder how long this letter could be if I keep wondering, so instead I’ll leave my worries at the door and enjoy every moment I spend with you. You ready?

You Can't

You can’t have the stars without first experiencing space. You can’t have rest without first taking time. You can’t have peace without living first. You can’t have vision without first having purpose. You can’t have love without first giving it. You can’t have dreams without first having hope. You can’t hear without listening first. You can’t have desire without knowing your needs. You can’t lead without having followed. You can’t reach the clouds without being grounded. You can’t breathe without life. You have no limitations except those you place upon yourself. Everything in contact with you serves a purpose!

Breathing Fire

How to love is like breathing fire. Love provides lessons even when you don’t show up for class. You don’t need a list of supplies at the beginning because you carry all the materials you’ll ever need, internally. You’ll encounter those that will pour into you, but guard your highest valued asset as if it were the world’s largest diamond. There will be attempts to break in and steal your heart, but learn to see them for who they are and what they represent. Treasure your love, because it is unique and ambiguous to those that do not seek to understand your making. Love is the air you inhale that passes through your lungs and gives new life. Love is not sought out but it is stumbled upon. It is a discovery in places that you hadn’t looked. Mirrored reflections of you stare back at you as you stand in the presence of space that is all yours. As you stand there, look deeper into you. Notice the deepness to which your shores have no limits. Watch the curves of your frame move along a symphony of waves. Look as your eyes tell a poets story of passion. See the treasure that you contain deep inside you and know that you are more than your outward beauty. Yes, that is beauty that you see gazing back at you and it’s blazing with much verve. It takes the earth’s hottest fires and pressures to form what you carry, and that diamond that is all yours, is yours to show and share only to those deserving of its attendance. Class is in session for those that seek you, so they need to know that all it took to make you is the same it takes to ‘see’ you.

Artist/Writer

What defines a good artist/writer is not the delivery of words but the authenticity to which those words are offered. Well at least that’s my opinion.

Package

If there is one thing that I’ve learned, it is that love rarely comes in the form that we imagine it to be. It can truly be surprising the package that it may come in. I have also learned that when you end bias’ on love, it knocks at your door in the form that it was always meant to be in. I’ve posed visuals to myself and laid expectations before me and turned away from things that didn’t meet what I perceived to be the package that was meant for me. I have failed and failed miserably. I was built by my manufacturer and being that I have a direct line of communication with my architect, all I needed to do was ask for a package that would add to me. I had to ask for a package that would add too me and I to it. I needed to seek the manufacturer first and since doing so you should see the form it has come in.

Discovering a Fairytale

Excuse me but I don’t think that you know who I am, so here let me tell you. I am a black man and that means I’m strong, patient, determined, able and willing. It means I can suffer much and still get back up. It means that I am capable. It means that I am smart. It means that I have no limits. It means that I am royalty. It means that I am worth obtaining and keeping. It means that I am a giver. It means that I am a teacher. It means that I am father to many things. It means that I your mate but beyond that I am your King and you are my queen. It means I am power. It means that I need you. It means that I am love. It means that I am fertilizer to earth. Past being a black man I am trying to show you that I will always get back up when I fall. I will always show you how much you mean to me. I will always build you up and show you who I see you to be and work hard to make sure those things are made reality. I am encouraged daily to see life as it is; brilliant. I am willing to sacrifice much just to get to where I believe I need to be. I am fun but fun in new, fresh and different ways. I am the different air as my lungs have the breath of my Heavenly Fathers touch. I am faithful to what I believe. I face my struggles head on. I am bold because I walk with authority from my manufacturer. I am always encouraged at today’s possibilities. I can overcome any obstacle in my path. I am valuable and purposed to be displayed as something worth acquiring. I am so much more than you apparently think that I am. That’s ok though, because I am also a wisher and one day I wish you look at yourself and see who I see and understand exactly what I am saying. So for now, I close my eyes and imagine the fairytale of discovering who you are because it is then that you will see me as I am.

Hurt

Hurt – Hurt runs deep and cuts in places you thought were safe and secure. It reaches the deepest darkest places that light have never touched. It is meant to leave scars and pain but I so want you to know that even the deepest hurt doesn’t have to leave you scarred. While it may be easier said than done, leaving pain right where it needs to be left is something that is not only needed for you but it needs to be left there so that the person inflicting the pain doesn’t win. Claiming victory and healing over a situation gives you power and starts the healing process. To carry pain is to carry prevention and when you are preventing anything due to something that has harmed you can lead to prevented true joy, happiness and peace. Neither I nor anyone is too good to have hurt try to attack us but it is how we recover that defines us and molds us into who we are to become. Leaving hurt in the dark place that it was injected takes courage and courage is the air that you should breathe. I’m encouraged to know that joy still lives and dwells in the corners of pain and that my desire for such joy be passed along to everyone, even those that would cause pain. If you are human, chances are you’ve caused pain to someone else and even to someone you care about. You’ve left your stone and the feet of that person, but I want you to know that the stone does not have to become who you can be. Sometimes hurt is given out of love for someone but that delivery may not mirror those intentions (that’s for another post). To those that own the stones at the feet of others, I encourage you to go back and pick up those rocks and ask for forgiveness and move on. Do not remain in the imprint left by the weight of your stone as it is designed to keep you held captive under its shadow. You are not the shadow but you are the light and you whose foot the stone rest upon, it’s over now. Kick that rock to the curb and move on. There is no need to look back at the damage it caused, instead focus on your clear skies and live in the brightness ahead of you. Forgive those that trespass against you, because your freedom rest in it. Understand that when hurt is imposed, there is never only one that suffers, so healing is not accomplished alone but rather it is when both come to an understanding that love, peace and joy should follow each all the days of one another’s life. Peace to you!

Write It

Write it: Closed minds and ignoring ears will always lead to loss. Do you not know that lessons taught need not fall upon ignorance? If it were laid out before you with detailed instructions, would you intentionally step over them to do you? Look, a path is designed to be followed but as with any path there is an option to deviate from the path. Discoveries are often found when a different path is chosen but the path that was paved for you were uniquely built for you and therefore it contains no hidden pitfalls and would supply all your needs. It is the challenge that we face to remain on the path that chases our mind. I pretend not that the path is easy and that there will be no distractions along the way but understanding that the path to which you are on directs you to destiny. Just what is destiny? It is what you know to be yours and real. It is what you’ve seen. It is what you feel. It is what you make of it and it is what you think of it. The path of which you step was made of soil just for your soul. Stay on it!

My Name is Jade

Faded in the distance I could feel the slipping grip of hope losing out to circumstance. Something was different this time though. I’d lost many things in my short life’s span.
She entered into my time with subtlety and brought with her pleasure, laughter and returned happiness, and seemingly the race was over as she entered with much to offer. While there was much to offer there was much to lose as well and obstacles to which was a concern. You see, she was taken by another, not through marriage but none-the-less, she was taken. I don’t know what my intentions were when she caught my eye but I knew she was someone that I would definitely like to get to know. I was set on discovering who she was and what made her tick. I did everything I could think of to get her attention but truly nothing worked. Without going into subsequent detail of the many passed days that I failed to get her to notice me, finally my moment would come one warm winter day. There I was with open space to walk up to her and ask her whatever, but true to experience she was busy but I was ready to wait for a moment of opportunity. Finally my moment was due, but just as soon as it presented itself, it was taken away as she was rushed back to previous obligations. However along her path, there I sat and as she passed an acknowledged look of ‘I see you’ penetrated her mind. While the moment passed for me I figured it was just another missed opportunity to get her to see me. As usual I would be wrong, as later that night through email she would send me an invite to come see her play ball Friday. Finally a window had opened and I was determined to climb through it.

06/15/11

Who am I to say what I deserve? Sure I’m like anyone else out here, I want comfort, peace, abundance, family, prosperity and many other things. I cannot spend any time worrying about what I’ve lost and what I may not have because the abundance of what I do actually have far outweighs the things that I don’t have. In other words I am truly starting to believe that joy is creeping into my life. It seems that no matter what I face, I remain at peace. Right now, at this very moment I’m all smiles…. Thank You!

Poker

Poker players take note: the pupil of the eye expands as much as 45 percent when a person looks at something pleasing.


Um, add tongue movement and/or lip sucking to it and you pretty much got someone ready to burst.

Grey Hound

Drop me off at the nearest bus stop. Let me place one foot in front of the other and climb aboard the future. Give me a window seat so that I may view the passing lanes left behind. Take the scenic country route so that it's calm may pass through me. I want to forget what's being left behind and marvel in today's views. Give me a nice sunshine start to this trip. Do not give me the direction that I'm headed in but rather make my destination the last stop of the journey. Let my feet be planted in new fertile soil that forever my seed may flourish.

No Where to Hide

There’s nowhere to hide when love calls your name. My man Kem says it best and hits the nail on the head. Music is tunnel to elastic passions that span miles across this land. It is something shared between cultures and understood through all genres. The tempo of soft tunes has the ability to uplift and calm even the roughest shores of our lives. With each passing beat a care is removed. You can lose your fears in the midst of its smooth erythematic staffs. Fall deep in the unseen waves that sweep across your ears as they strum through all that connects you to it. Let love speak through all that it brings to you.

Turn and Walk

Turn and walk away. End the desolated faint remembrance of this thing. Do not think of the missed purpose that may have been. Meet the hour that you choose head on as this comes to a conclusion. There is nothing left here for us to do but to take our hand off the pause button and let tomorrow play out with new imaginations. Cast away your concerns and unspoken questions and live in the new seconds of each passing minute. Stand in your presence and try to speak life into a dying energy that has already been replaced by new hopes. Walk away from yesterday’s smiles. Walk away from days gone by lost to the new moments of delight. No more cloudy days that block visions of happiness as the storm has passed. Turn a new page in this ever-changing story of life. Discover its wonderful past, present and future and unwrap each slowly and not forget that yours are uniquely designed just for you. Turn and walk away with a sway unlike any other. –Oh you sassy huh!

My Name is Jade

You ever wonder why no one in this ‘business’ seems to have or go by a real name? I mean think about it, throughout history the most popular gangsters were never called by their birth names. People like Scarface, Bugsy, Hit-man, Lucky and several in the hood carry other names that I’m sure you’ve heard of. Here are a few that comes to mind, Black, Boo, Baby, Murder, King, Jay, D.J and several other names that can always be heard in any hood. So why is it that the nickname becomes the new name for the individual? I mean most nicknames are assigned, meaning they are given to an individual by someone else. I remember receiving one of my nicknames after committing an act of what I like to call ‘understanding’. I don’t remember how old I was but I was definitely under 15.

My parents had 2 cars and one was usually accessible during the hours of 8-5. I know what you’re thinking and all I can say is, can you blame me? I knew where the keys were and my brothers would never tell on me, so joy riding is what I did best! Sorry kids, you can’t do this type of crap now, because as much as gas cost, trust me your parents will know. For the most part, every day after school me and my friends would hop in the car and go for joy rides throughout the neighborhood. Shoot we even went through some areas that we had no business rolling through. OMG, what if the car had gotten shot up. I mean we were kids, and we had nothing better to do. We never worried about the police because the only time you’d see a cop was during a home raid or something. They simply did not come to our hood. One particular day, after returning the car to my garage we sat in the car listening to the radio. I was revving the engine like an Indy Stock car driver or something. There we were, all 5 of us having a blast with me at the wheel bumping NWA. I decided to up the fun and put the car into drive and play with the gas and break pedal to make the car jump as if it had hydraulics. I’m not sure if my foot slipped or what but next thing I knew the car hit the garage. All you could hear was the sound of 3 car doors shutting and Nike to pavement. I slowly backed the car back into its proper spot and got out to see that there was no way I would be able to fix the damage. Seeing the ass whipping that lay ahead, I tracked down each friend that was in the car and told each of them that if they said anything to anyone, I’d burn their house down! Now they knew me. I mean they grew up with me and knew that they really couldn’t put it past me. The only part that I hadn’t calculated was my brother. I didn’t factor in the fact that my parents would blame him and that he would find out what truly happened and confront the people that were in the car and demand that they speak up. Either way, I didn’t care. I didn’t care if my brother threatened to beat their ass, it was better to take that then lose your house. Oh I was dead ass serious. So when I found out that Tyrone was about to snitch, I went to his house that night with matches and a bottle of alcohol. I was about to climb underneath his home and do my thing when Anthony (next door neighbor and my brothers friend) called my name. He said, “Boy what the hell are you doing?” Of course word travels fast in the hood so he knew what I was up too and thankfully talked me out of it. I remember him saying, “dang nigga you like a Jade. Cross yo ass and there will be hell to pay”. With that my name was born, Jade.

Tyrone never knew how close he came to having his house set a blaze and he never snitched because my brother got to me and made me tell my parents what truly happened. We laugh about it to this day, as I never got in trouble for it. All they said was, “you could’ve been hurt and don’t do it again”. Man my brother was pissed because he’d gotten his ass whipped over it lol. You have to remember I was youngest which means I always got away with things that my brothers would’ve been killed for.

Boarders

Boarders without limits are what I seek. Boarders come with limitations and limitations leads to the inability to exist freely within the confines of who you are. To come and go as you see fit, abandoned not by what someone else allows for is called a will. Your will is made just for you and when it is bended to will the will of another, then you will reach the termination of your control. While it is ok to die to one’s self, it is never ok to allow death to transform you into something that does not like to exist as you see fit. Free is boarder- less, and is permitted to breathe in all the advantages of such a state. I want to live in a boarder-less-state-of-mind.

Chances

Excuse me, but close your eyes woman. Stop your worrying and let go your cares. Give me your hands and walk with me a while. I got you. I’ll keep you nice and warm. Let go of your all and rest right here. I’ll keep your cares protected. Tell me your secrets and I’ll share 10 of mine. You’re in my heart and I’m trying to get you to stay for a while baby. I don’t care what challenges that may lie ahead, because I know that together we can face them with determination to overcome what may. Lay it hear baby. Put it all on the line as I’m on bended knee asking that you be mine. Lets make this interlude last a while longer. If you’re worried about regrets I’ll not rest until they escape you. By the time this is done you’ll know the “you” and “I” will never be done. Girl I’m the glove to your hand. So bring that smile to me today because I need it more and more with each passing day. The future is defined as: Time that is to be or come hereafter. Something that will exist or happen in time to come: The future is rooted in the past. My past yesterdays are hopefully tied to your tomorrows and starts with today baby. While your eyes are closed, please imagine the’ what if’ good parts and let go of your worries. Chance is defined as: the absence of any cause of events that can be predicted, understood, or controlled: Often personified or treated as a positive agency. Take a chance on me baby and I’ll spend the rest of my days making sure that it spends no moments in regret. Now open your eyes and see me wanting and needing you baby. Yeah, I’m talking to YOU! Called out again!

My Name is Jade

Twin engine, Cessna or jet engine, four seat plane. Oh the four seats includes the pilot and optional co-pilot. Yeah, optional can be used when it comes to piloting a plane. In fact, the plane itself can fly by itself. How many times have you heard that a “twin engine” airplane has crashed? If you’re like me, you’ve heard that several times, but that didn’t stop me from jumping my butt into one of the 4 seats in the plane. Thinking about it now, I’m like wow the freaking pilot was right in front me. No cockpit door or nothing to separate us lol. All those buttons and radar equipment all lit up. So there I was about to fly out to Alabama with 3 guys I just met, 2 of which I just met a few hours ago. With Brian as the pilot, my life was literally put into his hands. We all had headphones on to communicate with one another. We could hear the airport tower people giving instructions and clearance to take off. Ok so this part may be a little jumpy as it was a little exciting I’ll admit. Let’s go back an hour or so. September 11, 2001 was the day that 2 planes crashed into the world trade center, and that changed how we secured our airports and other transportation spots. Ok, now picture this if you will: Post 9/11, you have 4 black men pulling up into the parking lot of an airport around 8pm on a weekday carrying no luggage. We walk in and through the airport right onto the tarmac. Wait, wait, Brian does stop at the desk to give his credentials, but as for the rest of us, nothing was given or shown. We walked outside where Brian led us to the plane we were about to take out. While waiting we see Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton waiting on their plane as well. We engaged in a conversation that will more than likely be in another chapter of this story. I will add this part though; I worked with both Rev.’s previous to this, as I was an active member of the SCLC (shout out to Ms. Brenda). So off we were headed to Alabama just to go, well something like that. It was more of a test run to show me just how easy flying back and forth could be without being tracked and or noticed. We landed in Alabama approximately an hour or so later and was met with keys and a car for the evening. We didn’t really have plans so we just went to dinner and somehow the dinner turned into an after party. Once the waitress heard that Brian was a pilot it was a wrap. She called her friends and we all had a good time and no that will not be including in another chapter. Listen people, this is how people are living daily both legal and illegally. Now imagine how expanded my mind became after a night like that. I couldn’t even fully enjoy the party as all I could think about was the possibilities that lay ahead and I was ready to get back home to go to work. This is my story and my name is Jade, necca you better recognize this homey.

Oh and no security shouldn’t be on the lookout cause some black guys were flying out in their own plane but they should’ve been on the lookout for anyone not really fitting the build of “traveling” people. Jesse and Al, my dudes lol.

Words

Dear words, I need you to direct a symphony of meaning. I will type what you impress on me. Clear and moving I hope my letters will form an image of something easy to follow and understand. People are in need of encouragement and guidance, so please pour out onto this paper to give them what is needed. They may not be able to see all the charms around them. They may not be able to see the gem that stares back at them in the mirror. Man, woman, boy or girl you are a jewel unlike any other and to be discovered is like finding something so rare that it’s truly unique. So do I speak to the people and say these things or do I continue to express the love I witness often? Do I ignore the destruction around me and focus on the newness around? How do I do either without overlooking the other? Dear words, make sense of what it is the melody is trying to say. I know it wants to dance in a message of ease but that’s not reality for some and I want all to step with me as I praise in the good things of life. Sure there’s pain and hurt but the good carries a much bigger experience in this life of ours. What I believe I’m trying to say is find the good in all things. Even through death, there comes life. Even through loss there is gain and finding the good in that is a peace that has the ability to surpass all understanding. Upbeat and gifted is this rhythm playing in your backyard, so come on…dance with me…… Keep stepping…keep stepping.

I Will Always See

Is it meant for a man to see such beauty in her? I cannot help but to express not only what I see but what I feel as well. Sure she is outward an expression of God’s joy, but there’s more of it that lies beneath the surface. I see it through her smile and laughter. I see it so clearly that a smile breaks my face when I see it. Inside her is peace and pleasure that would last a lifetime. In her is patience and misunderstanding. I pretend not to know her, but rather I know what I feel and what I feel is unmeasured contentment that she is gifted with angelic admiration of love. To come into contact with a love this extraordinary is something beyond common. “Some people search a lifetime to discover this kind of” love, so to appreciate the spirit of which she brings is something that I must speak of. She is reasons I write. She is reasons I want to be better. She is reasons I sit up at night reading. She is reasons I pray. She is reasons I see hope. She is reasons I have reasons to have reasons. Do you not think I have to express these and so much more? I see beauty in you babes and I ain’t afraid to speak on it. I will always see beauty in you.

I May Turn Away But...

I tend to turn away from you Lord when I find myself lost and confused. When all is going well, I give you all the praise and worship that you desire and deserve. I cannot find myself pleading to You when I am without because You been nothing but a provider and protector even when I didn’t deserve it. They say that it is when you are lost that you’re to lean on You but I’d rather lean on you when I’m found. I care not to bring my worries to you because you’ve always been my aide even without me asking. You are my lamp in darkness. Your words dwell in me and pour out in time of need. I thank You for trusting and instilling in me an understanding of who You are and who I am. I know that You’ve trained, guided and shown me the way so I also understand that I must stand when the time comes and trust that You’ll catch me if I fall. Please do not be offended that during my lost state that I do not run to You, as You’ve taught me enough to make it out on the other side. I will always give you praise through any and all things. Thank you for the people You’ve assigned to me. Thank You for the lessons You teach. Thank you for your words that I hide unto my heart. I do ask that You forgive me where I fall short and cleanse me like never before that I may be restored unto You fresh. Thank You Father for never giving up on me and freeing me from my past. Thank You…Thank You!

My Name is Jade

I don’t know why it was so easy but this life was as easy as it comes. I guess as with anything you’re into, you’ll do it well and after all this was in my blood (literally). Everything from obtaining ‘businesses’, to making new acquaintances, it all just fell into my lap. This particular day would prove to be no exception to the normal as I was introduced to someone that opened my eyes endless possibilities.

One of the ways I remained ‘normal’ was to take on normal routines as far as ‘work’ was concerned. Along the way I learned how to complete a number of tasks such as heating and air, small car repair, telecommunications, truck driving and even home remodeling. Now why would someone seemingly successful in another business find the need to learn those other things? Well, in order to remain successful I knew I had to be different. There is no such thing as a successful drug dealer and it is definitely a lifestyle that does not last. Yeah, but why learn those other things? Simple answer is access; it gave me access to people and that opened other doors. Boy-o-boy it opened many doors. The work that opened the most doors was telecommunications. With one push of this doorbell, a lot was changed. This day I had on my telecommunications hat and was accompanying a fellow technician there to install service for a, um we’ll call him Mr. Brian. Mr. Brian was laid back, but loved to talk. The more he spoke the more I became interested in what he did for a living. Me being me, I didn’t hesitate to ask him what he did for a living. He smiled and said, “I’m a pilot”. Feeling that there was more to that, I asked him what company he flew for and he replied with some company I hadn’t heard of. He said that he only flew as he was needed and that it was from the states to Europe. He said he paid well and that he made additional money by flying people back and forth to other locations around the states. He would simply rent a plane (the same one every time) and fly people that could afford it to wherever they choose. Now what would you think, do or say if you were in my shoes and just heard something like that? My eyes were opened so wide I didn’t have to say anything to Mr. Brian (I need to drop the Mr. because he was/is young), he knew I wanted to fly. Without asking, Brian asked me to come by the next day so that he could take me to check out his plane. Thinking about all this is quite amazing because you’d be surprised at the unspoken language in some business transactions. If you know the business you’ll hear it, but if not, you’d be clueless to the business being done right under your nose. This is my language and the language I speak is Jade.

This one will definitely be continued…

Mr. Writer

Um Mr. Writer, I need you to heed your own words! Like for real already my dude.... Adhere to what you know and what you know is REALITY!

Clear Paper

A clear white sheet of paper with no words yet printed on it can sometimes say so much. There’s a lot behind a nothing and so much within blankness. There’s something in its simplicity that says so much without needing anything applied. Its absoluteness and certainty that its purpose is simple and defined and not able to be confused with anything else rings out to me. There’s no obstacle to prevent it from doing its thing. There’s no push back but rather it’s ready and waiting to except the letters that tell the stories as the pages turn. It does not provide a wait and see but beckons to live through imagination or reality. A clear white sheet of paper can teach so much. School is in session, now let the class begin!

TD-H

TD-H
I still delight in your smile. Even when I don’t want too, your ‘you’ makes hope jump inside me. I still gotta write about this thing I share with you. SMH, “what thing”, you may ask and to that I say, “This thing!” Yeah I’m still standing in the gap of you and dancing to the music of you. “What music?” you may ask, and to that I say, “this music”. Yeah we kinda share a smooth methodic dance that when made even the cardinals stop and stare. They do! I’ve seen them come back just to see if the dance of love is growing. Yeah they really do! Just thought you should know that your smile still brightens my space.

Stand For Peculiar

When you make a stance expect that some around you will look at you with the “who do they think they are” attitude. You are not meant to be normal but rather peculiar. If you were meant to be the same as the next person, then you’d bring about no change but rather add to the status quo. Simple enough as it may sound, speak when you should and do not close your eyes to the things that may harm others. The way you care is not like others and your caring has an ability to show others that a change can and often times are the best move for them. Caring is speaking and not holding in or out. Freely give the words that have been poured into you. They save and saved you from many “deaths” and allowed for many second chances so in those chances your destiny is to provide purpose in your days. Look back upon your days and understand that each one provided meaning to the next. Kiss the stance of unwavering faith right on the lips and say that holding back is no longer an option because I love you just that much. 

Man In The Mirror part 2

You can spend a lifetime and never find the taste of life. Yet often times we are surrounded by it and fail to witness it. We ourselves prevent our buds from tasting the flavor that was mixed specifically for us. Whether due to looking in places for the very thing that’s in front of you or choosing a path you choose alone, we block so much from our lives. Look around you and see the weeds in your field and pluck them. You are so much more than you see in your mirror. You are captured power and heavenly manufactured peace. You don’t have to seek, peace, joy and love will find you! Time out for second place and not reaching for the stars and staying complacent in the state that you are in. Stand in the wisdom of knowing that you are important and something meant for sharing in ways that some very, truly blessed person would be lucky to have. You are first and definitely not purposed for last place or loss. The creation of you sparked joy to many, and expectations were placed on you before you laid eyes on this world. You still carry those today, expectations that is. I expect you to know that you are special, unique and carry gifts that are uniquely specialized just for you. As for your mate, they will want each day with you to not end. I will give you a measure to remember when it comes to that mate; if they do not feel that way about you, then they are not your check to your mate. I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. I wish you could see that the beauty that environs your days was meant just for you to rejoice in it. I use the word beauty often because it personifies much and many things, but to me it defines perfection as close as possible to heaven I could imagine. It actually brings a smile to my face now when thinking of the power beauty brings. Don’t miss your flavors any further. Know that when you see me I’m praying for you and expecting nothing but the best for you. I am in your corner and together we will win this race of life. Today is your beginning and remember that anyone interested in running this race with you will suit up and let you know that they are in. So until then…ready, set……go!

Random Vision

tonight i'm reminded of your presence. i can see ur pretty white dress as you enter the room (or area). the weather is perfect and its as if heaven has opened up its best view for the occasion. you look absolutely amazing, so much so that a tear drops from my eye. ur smile is capturing hearts across the aisle. i mean u look beautiful. there's a pianist playing a solo. i'm singing to u as u make ur approach. its so vivid that i swear i can reach out and touch u now. y would such a dream like this be so realistic and ur soooo far away, there's a video of u playing too...from birth to current day. i can hear the water in the background. u have no idea the vison i see of u. none!!!

My Name is Jade

What do you do when the police raid your mother’s home, looking for you? Trust me, it’s a call that you do not want to receive. “Jade, the police is here looking for you.” Yeah, definitely not something you want to have your mother go through. There’s a lot that runs through your head when something like that happens. What are they there for? What are they looking for? Is there anything there that they could find? Will moms let them know where I am? Are they headed here now? Yeah, the lists of questions go on-and-on. We’ve all seen those CSI shows so you know that you have to move fast and oh, get off the phone. That happens to be a knack of mine, moving fast that is. I tend to think fast on my feet and make good decisions in situations such as these. I mean, what am I doing? I gotta make some changes here.

The police raided my mother’s home due to an outstanding traffic violation. Who’s ever heard of such a thing? I’ve been smart all my life, or rather I’d like to think I’ve been. There are a lot of things that happen when things come out into the open. First the “shock” that something like this could happen. That one always gets me because when you reap from something you know damn well is not on the up and up, why would you be shocked when something like this happens? Are you really that blind to the things around you? What 23 year old with no college experience or professional contract somewhere drives a new Range, Benz and Jag and owns 3 homes all without truly working “full time”? Um unless that 23 year old comes from money, then don’t be blind to these things. It’s ok though, many people like to enjoy the ride for as long as it last, but when the ride ends don’t pretend that you didn’t notice the views along the way. The second thing that typically happens is you lose people that use to be clinging to your nuts. Now if you’re smart you expected that one to happen. I mean it takes a lot to stand with something that is embarrassing and dangerous, so you’d be a fool to expect everyone to stand by your side.

The goal of the police that day was simple, it was meant to let me know that they were on to me and it would be a matter of time before I was either paying them, locked up or dead and as I said I think fast on my feet and knew I wouldn’t be doing either of those 3 things.

Let’s not forget, when in power you make powerful friends and they would prove to be beneficial to me during my exit. This is my story and my name is Jade.

My Name is Jade

She didn’t know either by choice and naïve. As from my perspective it was best that she did not know anything. If anything were to happen, she would truly be clueless to the things around her. Understand though, she was no dummy and had an idea of some things but not anything for certain. I remember her asking me why I never brought my friends around and why is it that people know us and I’d always say because I don’t and because they do. I would tell her to not ask me questions about things and she knew it was simply better not too. I remember her sitting in courtrooms with both a look of, ‘why we are here ’and ‘why are we really here’.

I remember her and I going to a Hawks game and while walking into the stadium we ran into one of my ‘people’ and he was definitely not anyone she’d seen me with before. He and I chatted for a second about ‘things’ and afterward she and I continued into the game. I’ll never forget the look on her face as she asked, “How do you know him?” Of course my response was, “I just do” and I expected that to be the end of that but this one she could not let go. She pressed and asked again and again how I’d knew him. To her defense he looked like what some people would call a street thug or whatever. He was tatted from head to toe with the infamous tear drop tat, which signifies you’ve killed someone. He’s definitely not someone you’d feel safe around unless you knew him lol. No matter how much she asked, my reply remained the same. In an effort to calm her, I told her I’d invite him to the next get together we had and that was enough to quiet her.

I have many stories to tell and many chapters within those stories and I hope that in the end I am able to convince someone to change for the better. As you read these stories you’ll see that most if not all the people I dealt with on a close level are either in jail or dead. This does not end well and it hasn’t been well for me either. I’ve faced some struggles and still do, so in no way should you look upon this and think that this is the life to live. Trust me, the sound of a bullet entering flesh or the smell of drugs being cooked or the sound of a jail cell locking you in are all things you’d like to forget but would never be able to do. I write because it’s in me to do so, not to paint a picture of glory. This is my story and my name is Jade!

Hide N Gone

Close your eyes and count to ten and see if you ever get this again. You charmed your way in my territory but today is eviction day so I suggest you remove your possessions from this space. You see I see through you and I am no longer caught in your magnetism. Yes you had me at hello, but now experience the loss of me at goodbye. Look, I’m not going to make this long, ………. {enter awkward silence}…………….. you still here?

My Name is Jade

If I were transparent you’d see the break in my heart. As she returns to another I witness the dreams of my tomorrow pass away slowly. Like walking through a mall, you’d see right through me and see everything on the shelves of my life. The pain of loneness and lost might have you standing in aw for a while. If I were to be honest for a moment I’d say that I’m tired of losing out on the things I want most. I’d say, what’s the point in being and doing the right thing? You’d see the little boy from Ada floating in a sea of tears held back only from life’s pains that was built out of frustrations. If you stepped into my shoes you’d burn with the feeling that my dreams, while so vivid and reality to my current being are such a torturous place. When does this all end? When does the pleasure of tasting that which is good, stop ending in loss and start ceasing to end, but rather last an eternity? If I exposed myself fully, many would see the falling inside me that beckons to be caught, kept, loved and mended from the many breaks in my heart. At the sacrifice of me, I pray that all others joy remains with them and that they obtain everything that they desire and keep the things they need. If I were transparent you’d see that through my brokenness I am constantly healed in the faith that my architect designed me so unique that only 1 special person may inhabit this space along with me. You’d see that I can suffer much if it that which I suffer for is truly intended for me and for me alone. Healed…and my name is Jade

My Name is Jade

This is no movie and it happens in many of the cities you live in. It may seem truly unbelievable that things such as these really happen but pierce through my eyes and you’ll soon discover that a war is being fought daily right in your backyard and right in here these United States of America.
Dinner amongst “friends” is supposed to be nice and relaxing. It’s supposed to be filled with laughter and good conversation and perhaps some toast to the good week you had. Yeah that’s the way things are supposed to be but that is definitely not my life. None-the-less me and some “friends” decided to head out for some seafood feasting and later get into whatever or whomever. There we were, living the good life and having a blast, but things are never as they seem in this lifestyle and soon the laughter would turn into a nightmare. Now no matter what I’m doing or where I am, I am always aware of my surroundings and that night would test just how aware I truly was. I remember the waiter bringing extra napkins while the servers were handing out the plates that were ordered. Man this was some scarface type of crap too, because one of the servers had that white scarf over his arm while showing off the bottle of wine that was to be poured. It was some real classy ish. I remember the older couple that was coming through the door, as they looked like a nice couple. He was fair skinned and she had a caramel completion. I even remember the neon light from the restaurant sign glowing on street and the ripples in the puddle of water as cars drove by. I remember a silver lexus pulling up to the curb, seemingly looking for valet, but when the car crept up approximately 5 feet and then went into reverse, I knew something was not right. Before I could get a word out…….Boom, Bang, Bang, Bow!!! Gun shots rang out and the chaos began. As you can imagine, the screaming, running and glass breaking began and for the party I was with, gunfire was returned. I swear it seemed like hours were passing but it all took place within a 5 minute period. 5 minutes and 1 second later, there was complete dead silence. It’s quite weird when you hear silence such as that and 2 seconds later the noise begins. I remember Bo shouting at me saying, “You hit? You hit?” Not a word left my lips and he figured I was good and went to check others. “Nooooo! Come on dawg! Get up! Get up! I will never forget the sound of death in a voice, as I could hear Bo trying to call death away from Jermaine who’d been shot 4 times and was killed instantly. As I stood there, thinking and understanding the magnitude of what just took place and slowly began to understand that this was not something random and that somehow this was something that had been planned and planned with the help of one of my “friends”. I lost a close friend that night and instead of Jermaine on the tombstone it could have read, My Name is Jade!

Time in a Bottle

Time spent with someone you care for is nice and it’s even better when spent with someone you love. When you experience that kind of time in a bottle everything suddenly has life. You notice the random colors that surround you and the lyrics in songs have strong meaning to them. As the investment in time is being counted and stored you find that you’ve grown an expanded in ways you hadn’t expected you would. You last in moments that you’ve shared and are able to smile at the many flashes that kept the explosive chemistry between you and them. Give me just another day to swim in your arms and awake to your morning smile. Show me where, how, when and what I’d have to do to keep times pace from catching up to tomorrows sunset. As I stand in the shadow of this passing day, I ponder at the audacity of hope that these things that each has given will not fade into its darkness. With lifted spirits I am joyed at the many comforts, conversations, smiles and laughter, touches and kisses and the simple calmness we’ve shared and they shall remain with me for a lifetime. So sure I’ve been, that the you and I time would never falter that this time that is before me does not come without a slew of emotions and killed moments that takes a piece of my soul away forever. I still find rest in the days I gave and peace in the knowing that everything in me was poured without limitations and for that, I will forever be grateful to have had you be a part of me and I too you.