Did I Matter B4 Death

Like footprints in the sand are hopes erased as the tide rolls in. Will this too pass away without meaning? Will the existence that once graced this place be remembered or forgotten with tomorrow’s sunrise? These labored hands that wanted so much are no longer raised to carry burdens. This body that was once loaned, no longer finds presence in today’s present. No longer here, but have the many breathes that were taken count for anything? Like the pages of a dictionary, were the days borrowed defined as purposeful? Was well done a thought to any? No longer around to capture the moments of laughter, those moments of eternity has passed away. Is the sound missed? Has the silence become deafening to the missed moments that no longer exist? Did I matter? I hope I mattered.

Exactly

Read an interesting story today and if you know me, you know technology is not my strong suit. Apparently there's a way for ppl to get into your phone by using an app. The article didn't say the name of the app but it exist. This is something I'm sure has been on a soap opera or the hallmark channel, so some of you won't be surprised. This hit me because I've had a stalker myself, and I wouldn't be surprised if she would've done this. Anywho, a relationship apparently ended and the guy moved on, but the female he'd been seeing 'didn't move on' and made his next relationship a living hell!!! She sent nude pics of the guy to her family members and blamed him for sending them?!?!?! How, I don't know but damn! Apparently some of her family members liked the pics and never said anything to her. It didn't say if they'd hooked up or not but again, how in the hell do you send pics to a phone and have it look like it came from another phone!!??? There was a string of messages too, all the while the guy never knew anything about it. I know, I know you're thinking there's no wayyyyy but I'm only telling you what I read and saw on the news. Apparently if you leave pics on your phone or upload them to any cloud, they can and will be grabbed and used. As for me, I wouldn't care if my pics were taken, but damn it mannnnn. So long story short, feel free to send female pics to the cloud and maybe they'll rain down to my phone. Lil P.S she should've been charged but I don't think that she was. http://www.collegetimes.com/college-life/new-app-lets-hack-partners-phone-88464

Living Beyond Restraints

Living within regrets is like living with restraints. I strive to never rest in the confines of such places that leave one bogged down with past regrets over life decisions that have been made, yet sometimes I feel the joke has been played on me and the foolish decisions that led up to any given circumstance is mine to own solely. Tomorrow has it cares of its own, so the grabbling of today’s issues or concerns has left me in a state of aw. To live fully, I believe you must be open to possibility without limit, and yet in doing so you open yourself up to many things, one of them being hurt. Yet do I recommend you run from the possibility of being hurt? No, I say run full speed ahead into all that life has to show and/or offer you and leave no room for regrets. While it may at times leave you feeling foolish, it is those foolish experiences that make you stronger and wiser. It is my belief that with anything you hold back from, will only lead to uncertainty in other areas that may/will present themselves at a later time. I am able to find peace in knowing that I go for what I want, but yes I play the fool along the way, and it is that that inspires this writing tonight. How do you give your all to something, only to end as the fool? How can you believe in something so strongly, that in the end you find that it was foolish to do so? Am I a fool for standing in the gap and waiting for my dance to be had? I believe that I would have been the real fool if I wasn’t willing to try something that I believe in so strongly, and walked away from it before it began, thereby leaving room for regret to cycle through life’s process. There are defining moments in life and the willingness to stand in the gap of hope is something that can never be demarcated as foolish, but rather it should be defined as living; so too that, I will continue living without the restraints of regret.

GMA

You…you were pleasure. You were kind. You were giving. You always put others first, even when I wanted you put yourself first. You would always try to clean, even as I was taking the rag out of your hands. You’d bake my favorite cake, just because you knew I was coming. You loved me as I was your own. Even as life interrupted the time we’d share, you still let me know you’d always be my gma. So often we miss opportunities that were sent from heaven, but I’m glad that this one wasn’t missed. Gma you been called a true saint and that’s all I knew you to be. I watched you with Gpa all those years and admired your dedication to all things. Gpa ain’t the same without you. I can hear him calling your name as he always did…..’Flo Bell’….he’d call you but didn’t want anything but to know that you were there. I’m sure he’s calling you now, so Holy Spirit please give him comfort that he needs. Gosh Gma, you were peace. I can’t help but erase the tears with smiles as I think of you…while I may shed some, most are tears of joy that I knew you.

I Wonder

Dear you,
I wonder so much through the thought of you. I wonder the potential of a you and I and I wonder if there truly is a potential of a you and I. I wonder why I wonder such things because I believe there is potential in all things. I wonder if I’m right about you, but more important I wonder if I’m right for you. Even as I know I’d live the fullest life I could reach for with you, I wonder if it’ll be enough to sustain your all. Funny thing is, that even as I write this that wonder fades. I wonder how such things could be so easily obtained through a you and I, but just as I type that, the wonder is taken and replaced with a resounding ‘you are deserving’. I wonder if the ‘be careful what you ask for, because you may get it’, will happen, but then again I wonder why I wonder that because I want what I’ve asked for. I wonder if you know what I’ve asked for, but then again I believe you know because you see her in the mirror daily. I wonder what your tomorrow will be like; will you enjoy every moment, or will you be lost in translation of your new realization. I wonder if I’d be enough for you, but if you are what I pray for, you’d have to be, but I wonder if I’ll be the dream of what you’d want to hold on too for a lifetime. I wonder what it is that I see in you that have become my magnet. I wonder why I never walked away from you. I wonder how your smile lightens my thoughts. I wonder that what God would show you if you prayed about certain things. I wonder how God will give me exactly what I’ll need to preserve you. I wonder if you’ll truly love me for who I am, at every moment that lay ahead. I wonder if you get me. I wonder if you know how much I enjoy ‘getting’ you. I wonder how you’ve taught me things without actually speaking. I wonder why you’re in the package that you’ve come in. I wonder if you could nurture me the way I need, but I already know you carry that ability. I wonder how long you’ll hold back before letting go and give freely. I wonder if you’ll enjoy the giving that you give me. I wonder how long this letter could be if I keep wondering, so instead I’ll leave my worries at the door and enjoy every moment I spend with you. You ready?

You Can't

You can’t have the stars without first experiencing space. You can’t have rest without first taking time. You can’t have peace without living first. You can’t have vision without first having purpose. You can’t have love without first giving it. You can’t have dreams without first having hope. You can’t hear without listening first. You can’t have desire without knowing your needs. You can’t lead without having followed. You can’t reach the clouds without being grounded. You can’t breathe without life. You have no limitations except those you place upon yourself. Everything in contact with you serves a purpose!

Breathing Fire

How to love is like breathing fire. Love provides lessons even when you don’t show up for class. You don’t need a list of supplies at the beginning because you carry all the materials you’ll ever need, internally. You’ll encounter those that will pour into you, but guard your highest valued asset as if it were the world’s largest diamond. There will be attempts to break in and steal your heart, but learn to see them for who they are and what they represent. Treasure your love, because it is unique and ambiguous to those that do not seek to understand your making. Love is the air you inhale that passes through your lungs and gives new life. Love is not sought out but it is stumbled upon. It is a discovery in places that you hadn’t looked. Mirrored reflections of you stare back at you as you stand in the presence of space that is all yours. As you stand there, look deeper into you. Notice the deepness to which your shores have no limits. Watch the curves of your frame move along a symphony of waves. Look as your eyes tell a poets story of passion. See the treasure that you contain deep inside you and know that you are more than your outward beauty. Yes, that is beauty that you see gazing back at you and it’s blazing with much verve. It takes the earth’s hottest fires and pressures to form what you carry, and that diamond that is all yours, is yours to show and share only to those deserving of its attendance. Class is in session for those that seek you, so they need to know that all it took to make you is the same it takes to ‘see’ you.

Artist/Writer

What defines a good artist/writer is not the delivery of words but the authenticity to which those words are offered. Well at least that’s my opinion.

Package

If there is one thing that I’ve learned, it is that love rarely comes in the form that we imagine it to be. It can truly be surprising the package that it may come in. I have also learned that when you end bias’ on love, it knocks at your door in the form that it was always meant to be in. I’ve posed visuals to myself and laid expectations before me and turned away from things that didn’t meet what I perceived to be the package that was meant for me. I have failed and failed miserably. I was built by my manufacturer and being that I have a direct line of communication with my architect, all I needed to do was ask for a package that would add to me. I had to ask for a package that would add too me and I to it. I needed to seek the manufacturer first and since doing so you should see the form it has come in.

Discovering a Fairytale

Excuse me but I don’t think that you know who I am, so here let me tell you. I am a black man and that means I’m strong, patient, determined, able and willing. It means I can suffer much and still get back up. It means that I am capable. It means that I am smart. It means that I have no limits. It means that I am royalty. It means that I am worth obtaining and keeping. It means that I am a giver. It means that I am a teacher. It means that I am father to many things. It means that I your mate but beyond that I am your King and you are my queen. It means I am power. It means that I need you. It means that I am love. It means that I am fertilizer to earth. Past being a black man I am trying to show you that I will always get back up when I fall. I will always show you how much you mean to me. I will always build you up and show you who I see you to be and work hard to make sure those things are made reality. I am encouraged daily to see life as it is; brilliant. I am willing to sacrifice much just to get to where I believe I need to be. I am fun but fun in new, fresh and different ways. I am the different air as my lungs have the breath of my Heavenly Fathers touch. I am faithful to what I believe. I face my struggles head on. I am bold because I walk with authority from my manufacturer. I am always encouraged at today’s possibilities. I can overcome any obstacle in my path. I am valuable and purposed to be displayed as something worth acquiring. I am so much more than you apparently think that I am. That’s ok though, because I am also a wisher and one day I wish you look at yourself and see who I see and understand exactly what I am saying. So for now, I close my eyes and imagine the fairytale of discovering who you are because it is then that you will see me as I am.

Hurt

Hurt – Hurt runs deep and cuts in places you thought were safe and secure. It reaches the deepest darkest places that light have never touched. It is meant to leave scars and pain but I so want you to know that even the deepest hurt doesn’t have to leave you scarred. While it may be easier said than done, leaving pain right where it needs to be left is something that is not only needed for you but it needs to be left there so that the person inflicting the pain doesn’t win. Claiming victory and healing over a situation gives you power and starts the healing process. To carry pain is to carry prevention and when you are preventing anything due to something that has harmed you can lead to prevented true joy, happiness and peace. Neither I nor anyone is too good to have hurt try to attack us but it is how we recover that defines us and molds us into who we are to become. Leaving hurt in the dark place that it was injected takes courage and courage is the air that you should breathe. I’m encouraged to know that joy still lives and dwells in the corners of pain and that my desire for such joy be passed along to everyone, even those that would cause pain. If you are human, chances are you’ve caused pain to someone else and even to someone you care about. You’ve left your stone and the feet of that person, but I want you to know that the stone does not have to become who you can be. Sometimes hurt is given out of love for someone but that delivery may not mirror those intentions (that’s for another post). To those that own the stones at the feet of others, I encourage you to go back and pick up those rocks and ask for forgiveness and move on. Do not remain in the imprint left by the weight of your stone as it is designed to keep you held captive under its shadow. You are not the shadow but you are the light and you whose foot the stone rest upon, it’s over now. Kick that rock to the curb and move on. There is no need to look back at the damage it caused, instead focus on your clear skies and live in the brightness ahead of you. Forgive those that trespass against you, because your freedom rest in it. Understand that when hurt is imposed, there is never only one that suffers, so healing is not accomplished alone but rather it is when both come to an understanding that love, peace and joy should follow each all the days of one another’s life. Peace to you!

Write It

Write it: Closed minds and ignoring ears will always lead to loss. Do you not know that lessons taught need not fall upon ignorance? If it were laid out before you with detailed instructions, would you intentionally step over them to do you? Look, a path is designed to be followed but as with any path there is an option to deviate from the path. Discoveries are often found when a different path is chosen but the path that was paved for you were uniquely built for you and therefore it contains no hidden pitfalls and would supply all your needs. It is the challenge that we face to remain on the path that chases our mind. I pretend not that the path is easy and that there will be no distractions along the way but understanding that the path to which you are on directs you to destiny. Just what is destiny? It is what you know to be yours and real. It is what you’ve seen. It is what you feel. It is what you make of it and it is what you think of it. The path of which you step was made of soil just for your soul. Stay on it!

My Name is Jade

Faded in the distance I could feel the slipping grip of hope losing out to circumstance. Something was different this time though. I’d lost many things in my short life’s span.
She entered into my time with subtlety and brought with her pleasure, laughter and returned happiness, and seemingly the race was over as she entered with much to offer. While there was much to offer there was much to lose as well and obstacles to which was a concern. You see, she was taken by another, not through marriage but none-the-less, she was taken. I don’t know what my intentions were when she caught my eye but I knew she was someone that I would definitely like to get to know. I was set on discovering who she was and what made her tick. I did everything I could think of to get her attention but truly nothing worked. Without going into subsequent detail of the many passed days that I failed to get her to notice me, finally my moment would come one warm winter day. There I was with open space to walk up to her and ask her whatever, but true to experience she was busy but I was ready to wait for a moment of opportunity. Finally my moment was due, but just as soon as it presented itself, it was taken away as she was rushed back to previous obligations. However along her path, there I sat and as she passed an acknowledged look of ‘I see you’ penetrated her mind. While the moment passed for me I figured it was just another missed opportunity to get her to see me. As usual I would be wrong, as later that night through email she would send me an invite to come see her play ball Friday. Finally a window had opened and I was determined to climb through it.

06/15/11

Who am I to say what I deserve? Sure I’m like anyone else out here, I want comfort, peace, abundance, family, prosperity and many other things. I cannot spend any time worrying about what I’ve lost and what I may not have because the abundance of what I do actually have far outweighs the things that I don’t have. In other words I am truly starting to believe that joy is creeping into my life. It seems that no matter what I face, I remain at peace. Right now, at this very moment I’m all smiles…. Thank You!

Poker

Poker players take note: the pupil of the eye expands as much as 45 percent when a person looks at something pleasing.


Um, add tongue movement and/or lip sucking to it and you pretty much got someone ready to burst.

Grey Hound

Drop me off at the nearest bus stop. Let me place one foot in front of the other and climb aboard the future. Give me a window seat so that I may view the passing lanes left behind. Take the scenic country route so that it's calm may pass through me. I want to forget what's being left behind and marvel in today's views. Give me a nice sunshine start to this trip. Do not give me the direction that I'm headed in but rather make my destination the last stop of the journey. Let my feet be planted in new fertile soil that forever my seed may flourish.

No Where to Hide

There’s nowhere to hide when love calls your name. My man Kem says it best and hits the nail on the head. Music is tunnel to elastic passions that span miles across this land. It is something shared between cultures and understood through all genres. The tempo of soft tunes has the ability to uplift and calm even the roughest shores of our lives. With each passing beat a care is removed. You can lose your fears in the midst of its smooth erythematic staffs. Fall deep in the unseen waves that sweep across your ears as they strum through all that connects you to it. Let love speak through all that it brings to you.

Turn and Walk

Turn and walk away. End the desolated faint remembrance of this thing. Do not think of the missed purpose that may have been. Meet the hour that you choose head on as this comes to a conclusion. There is nothing left here for us to do but to take our hand off the pause button and let tomorrow play out with new imaginations. Cast away your concerns and unspoken questions and live in the new seconds of each passing minute. Stand in your presence and try to speak life into a dying energy that has already been replaced by new hopes. Walk away from yesterday’s smiles. Walk away from days gone by lost to the new moments of delight. No more cloudy days that block visions of happiness as the storm has passed. Turn a new page in this ever-changing story of life. Discover its wonderful past, present and future and unwrap each slowly and not forget that yours are uniquely designed just for you. Turn and walk away with a sway unlike any other. –Oh you sassy huh!