My Name is Jade

I don’t know why it was so easy but this life was as easy as it comes. I guess as with anything you’re into, you’ll do it well and after all this was in my blood (literally). Everything from obtaining ‘businesses’, to making new acquaintances, it all just fell into my lap. This particular day would prove to be no exception to the normal as I was introduced to someone that opened my eyes endless possibilities.

One of the ways I remained ‘normal’ was to take on normal routines as far as ‘work’ was concerned. Along the way I learned how to complete a number of tasks such as heating and air, small car repair, telecommunications, truck driving and even home remodeling. Now why would someone seemingly successful in another business find the need to learn those other things? Well, in order to remain successful I knew I had to be different. There is no such thing as a successful drug dealer and it is definitely a lifestyle that does not last. Yeah, but why learn those other things? Simple answer is access; it gave me access to people and that opened other doors. Boy-o-boy it opened many doors. The work that opened the most doors was telecommunications. With one push of this doorbell, a lot was changed. This day I had on my telecommunications hat and was accompanying a fellow technician there to install service for a, um we’ll call him Mr. Brian. Mr. Brian was laid back, but loved to talk. The more he spoke the more I became interested in what he did for a living. Me being me, I didn’t hesitate to ask him what he did for a living. He smiled and said, “I’m a pilot”. Feeling that there was more to that, I asked him what company he flew for and he replied with some company I hadn’t heard of. He said that he only flew as he was needed and that it was from the states to Europe. He said he paid well and that he made additional money by flying people back and forth to other locations around the states. He would simply rent a plane (the same one every time) and fly people that could afford it to wherever they choose. Now what would you think, do or say if you were in my shoes and just heard something like that? My eyes were opened so wide I didn’t have to say anything to Mr. Brian (I need to drop the Mr. because he was/is young), he knew I wanted to fly. Without asking, Brian asked me to come by the next day so that he could take me to check out his plane. Thinking about all this is quite amazing because you’d be surprised at the unspoken language in some business transactions. If you know the business you’ll hear it, but if not, you’d be clueless to the business being done right under your nose. This is my language and the language I speak is Jade.

This one will definitely be continued…

Mr. Writer

Um Mr. Writer, I need you to heed your own words! Like for real already my dude.... Adhere to what you know and what you know is REALITY!

Clear Paper

A clear white sheet of paper with no words yet printed on it can sometimes say so much. There’s a lot behind a nothing and so much within blankness. There’s something in its simplicity that says so much without needing anything applied. Its absoluteness and certainty that its purpose is simple and defined and not able to be confused with anything else rings out to me. There’s no obstacle to prevent it from doing its thing. There’s no push back but rather it’s ready and waiting to except the letters that tell the stories as the pages turn. It does not provide a wait and see but beckons to live through imagination or reality. A clear white sheet of paper can teach so much. School is in session, now let the class begin!

TD-H

TD-H
I still delight in your smile. Even when I don’t want too, your ‘you’ makes hope jump inside me. I still gotta write about this thing I share with you. SMH, “what thing”, you may ask and to that I say, “This thing!” Yeah I’m still standing in the gap of you and dancing to the music of you. “What music?” you may ask, and to that I say, “this music”. Yeah we kinda share a smooth methodic dance that when made even the cardinals stop and stare. They do! I’ve seen them come back just to see if the dance of love is growing. Yeah they really do! Just thought you should know that your smile still brightens my space.

Stand For Peculiar

When you make a stance expect that some around you will look at you with the “who do they think they are” attitude. You are not meant to be normal but rather peculiar. If you were meant to be the same as the next person, then you’d bring about no change but rather add to the status quo. Simple enough as it may sound, speak when you should and do not close your eyes to the things that may harm others. The way you care is not like others and your caring has an ability to show others that a change can and often times are the best move for them. Caring is speaking and not holding in or out. Freely give the words that have been poured into you. They save and saved you from many “deaths” and allowed for many second chances so in those chances your destiny is to provide purpose in your days. Look back upon your days and understand that each one provided meaning to the next. Kiss the stance of unwavering faith right on the lips and say that holding back is no longer an option because I love you just that much. 

Man In The Mirror part 2

You can spend a lifetime and never find the taste of life. Yet often times we are surrounded by it and fail to witness it. We ourselves prevent our buds from tasting the flavor that was mixed specifically for us. Whether due to looking in places for the very thing that’s in front of you or choosing a path you choose alone, we block so much from our lives. Look around you and see the weeds in your field and pluck them. You are so much more than you see in your mirror. You are captured power and heavenly manufactured peace. You don’t have to seek, peace, joy and love will find you! Time out for second place and not reaching for the stars and staying complacent in the state that you are in. Stand in the wisdom of knowing that you are important and something meant for sharing in ways that some very, truly blessed person would be lucky to have. You are first and definitely not purposed for last place or loss. The creation of you sparked joy to many, and expectations were placed on you before you laid eyes on this world. You still carry those today, expectations that is. I expect you to know that you are special, unique and carry gifts that are uniquely specialized just for you. As for your mate, they will want each day with you to not end. I will give you a measure to remember when it comes to that mate; if they do not feel that way about you, then they are not your check to your mate. I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. I wish you could see that the beauty that environs your days was meant just for you to rejoice in it. I use the word beauty often because it personifies much and many things, but to me it defines perfection as close as possible to heaven I could imagine. It actually brings a smile to my face now when thinking of the power beauty brings. Don’t miss your flavors any further. Know that when you see me I’m praying for you and expecting nothing but the best for you. I am in your corner and together we will win this race of life. Today is your beginning and remember that anyone interested in running this race with you will suit up and let you know that they are in. So until then…ready, set……go!

Random Vision

tonight i'm reminded of your presence. i can see ur pretty white dress as you enter the room (or area). the weather is perfect and its as if heaven has opened up its best view for the occasion. you look absolutely amazing, so much so that a tear drops from my eye. ur smile is capturing hearts across the aisle. i mean u look beautiful. there's a pianist playing a solo. i'm singing to u as u make ur approach. its so vivid that i swear i can reach out and touch u now. y would such a dream like this be so realistic and ur soooo far away, there's a video of u playing too...from birth to current day. i can hear the water in the background. u have no idea the vison i see of u. none!!!

My Name is Jade

What do you do when the police raid your mother’s home, looking for you? Trust me, it’s a call that you do not want to receive. “Jade, the police is here looking for you.” Yeah, definitely not something you want to have your mother go through. There’s a lot that runs through your head when something like that happens. What are they there for? What are they looking for? Is there anything there that they could find? Will moms let them know where I am? Are they headed here now? Yeah, the lists of questions go on-and-on. We’ve all seen those CSI shows so you know that you have to move fast and oh, get off the phone. That happens to be a knack of mine, moving fast that is. I tend to think fast on my feet and make good decisions in situations such as these. I mean, what am I doing? I gotta make some changes here.

The police raided my mother’s home due to an outstanding traffic violation. Who’s ever heard of such a thing? I’ve been smart all my life, or rather I’d like to think I’ve been. There are a lot of things that happen when things come out into the open. First the “shock” that something like this could happen. That one always gets me because when you reap from something you know damn well is not on the up and up, why would you be shocked when something like this happens? Are you really that blind to the things around you? What 23 year old with no college experience or professional contract somewhere drives a new Range, Benz and Jag and owns 3 homes all without truly working “full time”? Um unless that 23 year old comes from money, then don’t be blind to these things. It’s ok though, many people like to enjoy the ride for as long as it last, but when the ride ends don’t pretend that you didn’t notice the views along the way. The second thing that typically happens is you lose people that use to be clinging to your nuts. Now if you’re smart you expected that one to happen. I mean it takes a lot to stand with something that is embarrassing and dangerous, so you’d be a fool to expect everyone to stand by your side.

The goal of the police that day was simple, it was meant to let me know that they were on to me and it would be a matter of time before I was either paying them, locked up or dead and as I said I think fast on my feet and knew I wouldn’t be doing either of those 3 things.

Let’s not forget, when in power you make powerful friends and they would prove to be beneficial to me during my exit. This is my story and my name is Jade.

My Name is Jade

She didn’t know either by choice and naïve. As from my perspective it was best that she did not know anything. If anything were to happen, she would truly be clueless to the things around her. Understand though, she was no dummy and had an idea of some things but not anything for certain. I remember her asking me why I never brought my friends around and why is it that people know us and I’d always say because I don’t and because they do. I would tell her to not ask me questions about things and she knew it was simply better not too. I remember her sitting in courtrooms with both a look of, ‘why we are here ’and ‘why are we really here’.

I remember her and I going to a Hawks game and while walking into the stadium we ran into one of my ‘people’ and he was definitely not anyone she’d seen me with before. He and I chatted for a second about ‘things’ and afterward she and I continued into the game. I’ll never forget the look on her face as she asked, “How do you know him?” Of course my response was, “I just do” and I expected that to be the end of that but this one she could not let go. She pressed and asked again and again how I’d knew him. To her defense he looked like what some people would call a street thug or whatever. He was tatted from head to toe with the infamous tear drop tat, which signifies you’ve killed someone. He’s definitely not someone you’d feel safe around unless you knew him lol. No matter how much she asked, my reply remained the same. In an effort to calm her, I told her I’d invite him to the next get together we had and that was enough to quiet her.

I have many stories to tell and many chapters within those stories and I hope that in the end I am able to convince someone to change for the better. As you read these stories you’ll see that most if not all the people I dealt with on a close level are either in jail or dead. This does not end well and it hasn’t been well for me either. I’ve faced some struggles and still do, so in no way should you look upon this and think that this is the life to live. Trust me, the sound of a bullet entering flesh or the smell of drugs being cooked or the sound of a jail cell locking you in are all things you’d like to forget but would never be able to do. I write because it’s in me to do so, not to paint a picture of glory. This is my story and my name is Jade!

Hide N Gone

Close your eyes and count to ten and see if you ever get this again. You charmed your way in my territory but today is eviction day so I suggest you remove your possessions from this space. You see I see through you and I am no longer caught in your magnetism. Yes you had me at hello, but now experience the loss of me at goodbye. Look, I’m not going to make this long, ………. {enter awkward silence}…………….. you still here?

My Name is Jade

If I were transparent you’d see the break in my heart. As she returns to another I witness the dreams of my tomorrow pass away slowly. Like walking through a mall, you’d see right through me and see everything on the shelves of my life. The pain of loneness and lost might have you standing in aw for a while. If I were to be honest for a moment I’d say that I’m tired of losing out on the things I want most. I’d say, what’s the point in being and doing the right thing? You’d see the little boy from Ada floating in a sea of tears held back only from life’s pains that was built out of frustrations. If you stepped into my shoes you’d burn with the feeling that my dreams, while so vivid and reality to my current being are such a torturous place. When does this all end? When does the pleasure of tasting that which is good, stop ending in loss and start ceasing to end, but rather last an eternity? If I exposed myself fully, many would see the falling inside me that beckons to be caught, kept, loved and mended from the many breaks in my heart. At the sacrifice of me, I pray that all others joy remains with them and that they obtain everything that they desire and keep the things they need. If I were transparent you’d see that through my brokenness I am constantly healed in the faith that my architect designed me so unique that only 1 special person may inhabit this space along with me. You’d see that I can suffer much if it that which I suffer for is truly intended for me and for me alone. Healed…and my name is Jade

My Name is Jade

This is no movie and it happens in many of the cities you live in. It may seem truly unbelievable that things such as these really happen but pierce through my eyes and you’ll soon discover that a war is being fought daily right in your backyard and right in here these United States of America.
Dinner amongst “friends” is supposed to be nice and relaxing. It’s supposed to be filled with laughter and good conversation and perhaps some toast to the good week you had. Yeah that’s the way things are supposed to be but that is definitely not my life. None-the-less me and some “friends” decided to head out for some seafood feasting and later get into whatever or whomever. There we were, living the good life and having a blast, but things are never as they seem in this lifestyle and soon the laughter would turn into a nightmare. Now no matter what I’m doing or where I am, I am always aware of my surroundings and that night would test just how aware I truly was. I remember the waiter bringing extra napkins while the servers were handing out the plates that were ordered. Man this was some scarface type of crap too, because one of the servers had that white scarf over his arm while showing off the bottle of wine that was to be poured. It was some real classy ish. I remember the older couple that was coming through the door, as they looked like a nice couple. He was fair skinned and she had a caramel completion. I even remember the neon light from the restaurant sign glowing on street and the ripples in the puddle of water as cars drove by. I remember a silver lexus pulling up to the curb, seemingly looking for valet, but when the car crept up approximately 5 feet and then went into reverse, I knew something was not right. Before I could get a word out…….Boom, Bang, Bang, Bow!!! Gun shots rang out and the chaos began. As you can imagine, the screaming, running and glass breaking began and for the party I was with, gunfire was returned. I swear it seemed like hours were passing but it all took place within a 5 minute period. 5 minutes and 1 second later, there was complete dead silence. It’s quite weird when you hear silence such as that and 2 seconds later the noise begins. I remember Bo shouting at me saying, “You hit? You hit?” Not a word left my lips and he figured I was good and went to check others. “Nooooo! Come on dawg! Get up! Get up! I will never forget the sound of death in a voice, as I could hear Bo trying to call death away from Jermaine who’d been shot 4 times and was killed instantly. As I stood there, thinking and understanding the magnitude of what just took place and slowly began to understand that this was not something random and that somehow this was something that had been planned and planned with the help of one of my “friends”. I lost a close friend that night and instead of Jermaine on the tombstone it could have read, My Name is Jade!

Time in a Bottle

Time spent with someone you care for is nice and it’s even better when spent with someone you love. When you experience that kind of time in a bottle everything suddenly has life. You notice the random colors that surround you and the lyrics in songs have strong meaning to them. As the investment in time is being counted and stored you find that you’ve grown an expanded in ways you hadn’t expected you would. You last in moments that you’ve shared and are able to smile at the many flashes that kept the explosive chemistry between you and them. Give me just another day to swim in your arms and awake to your morning smile. Show me where, how, when and what I’d have to do to keep times pace from catching up to tomorrows sunset. As I stand in the shadow of this passing day, I ponder at the audacity of hope that these things that each has given will not fade into its darkness. With lifted spirits I am joyed at the many comforts, conversations, smiles and laughter, touches and kisses and the simple calmness we’ve shared and they shall remain with me for a lifetime. So sure I’ve been, that the you and I time would never falter that this time that is before me does not come without a slew of emotions and killed moments that takes a piece of my soul away forever. I still find rest in the days I gave and peace in the knowing that everything in me was poured without limitations and for that, I will forever be grateful to have had you be a part of me and I too you.

X-pression

Yeah she won’t see me standing in front of her because her vision is blocked. There is no more to be done and no words that need to be spoken any further. No matter the amount of substance that’s poured it will be mistaken for something else. The doubts or worries remain and pulls her away just as the taste of her stains my days. Expression is life and the ability to live through it defines me, but I’m stifled by slipping hands I once held and lips I’ve kissed freely. When I reach will your arms be there to comfort the lost thoughts that cripple my dreams or shall I remain on a collision course with vanished moments. She is so close and yet so far away that it is like looking through waters that run deep. When settled, all is calm and clear but that one pebble that breaks the tranquility unsettles so much that even I am lost in the waves it makes. The dilemma is that I’ve seen her views unblocked and it fed me for a lifetime but I’m in need of a quick quenching and I hope it comes soon. Words are my expression.

Back To Bed

Will you come back to bed baby? I want to lay here a while longer and enjoy the small moments that present themselves for the taking. Rest here and lay your head on my chest as I run my fingers through your hair. There’s time always remaining and is never past due when it comes to a you and I. Climb back underneath these covers and roll up next to me so that I can feel your skin breathing against mine. Settle my missing you passion with your presence. ‘Tap, tap’, yes, right here baby, place your making right here! Shh, rest your cares, concerns, thoughts and words under the silence of this calming space. You are my present this morning, so come here so that I can say good morning to you the proper way. Slip out of those clothes and remove those slippers…yeah that’s it, come here baby. We don’t need to be in a hurry today. Good morning baby!!!

Tunnel Vision

My mind is like a tunnel with the outer edges always changing. The center is always smooth and calm but the walls are difficult to read and understand but are filled with life and abundance. The center is paved with black shiny stone and is endless, while the walls are painted with brilliant colors that are ever changing in motion. Picking one particular thing to focus on is nearly impossible as the beauty of it is so marvelous that finding that one thing cannot be. The movement of it all is seamless and soft and beckons to be touched but its distance won’t allow for it. There are colors that have yet to be named dotted throughout. You might confuse its dance with confusion but it tells a story that calms even the deepest thoughts. My mind provides peace that even, even when I should be torn I am easy. I wish I could find a way to paint the dotted expressions that cover its canvas. What a joyous place that stays with me and is accessible at any given point. 

Sorry

All I know how to do is love. Sorry

What If

What if I’d never met you and I never asked for your hand to dance? What if I’d never invited you out to dinner? What if I never looked into those amazing eyes? What if my heart didn’t skip a beat whenever you are near me? What if I’d never kissed or made love to you? What if I hadn’t seen my future in your smile? What if opportunity never knocked or that the signs that said go, where changed to stop? What if you weren’t all the things I’ve prayed for and then some and some yet to be revealed? What if I hadn’t asked for your hand in marriage and promised you that every day for the rest my life I would love and cherish you? What if I didn’t get to dance with you as my bride? What if you never had our children? What if we didn’t get to take walks through the park or cuddle next to each other while watching a movie? What if kissing you never became my joy? What if our home never was? What if breakfast in bed was never prepared? What if I couldn’t express myself to you and you to me? What if you never read anything I wrote? What if I ignored your passions and never fed into them? What if after years together I missed your beauty? What if I never realized just how beautiful you are? What if time never allowed for investment in you? What if I never truly got to know you and missed out on the loves of my life? What if I didn’t realize you were worth the fight? What if I saw you as just another woman? What if I wasn’t thinking of how much I enjoy you and how much I want my future to be with you? What if you say yes?

For Me

If we never learn from our past then our past is certainly bound to repeat itself. Whether good or bad, the choices we make will define who we are. While everyone would love to have just the good, often times it is the bad that we try desperately to run from. We all carry “bad” in our lives and some are worse than others. We can choose the direction we will go in by making better choices and those choices can be found or started in the people we choose to surround ourselves with. Have you ever been around a group of negative people and listened to their conversation? What you’ll find is that somehow the positive things are always turned into a negative in some way. Take this one for example, “John just bought a nice new car. I don’t know what he gone do now when it comes to getting gas. Shoot he’ll probably end up losing it because he can’t afford the gas.” You may have picture someone you know when you read that. Hopefully they are not in your circle of “people food”. Everything we eat feeds our body in some way or another and the same can be said of the people who feed words into our lives. Look for the good and make it your routine and imprint your good unto the things that surround you. Choose the good and do not dwell in the bad. With this small change, today’s tomorrows will be filled with good presents.

A Dance

Will you slow dance with me? Will you slow dance with me just a little while longer? Will you slow dance with me and make it last an eternity? Will our moment stay? Will we be completed in the song of hope? Will you slow dance with me and rest your cares into my chest? Will tomorrow’s melody be silenced from interruption? Will you slow dance with me and look up into my eyes and find comfort? Will you slow dance with me under the matching heartbeats we share? Will you take my hand and lead me to the dance floor and say, “dance with me slowly”? Will you slow dance with me and never let it end……never let it end