Called

To those that called to serve, blessed be the footprints you'll leave behind. Your words are to be transforming to men hearts. Your ability to renew a broken vow shall be your power. Through your touch blessings will fall. Be careful of your thoughts for even they have power. Your tongue shall be used to dance up the good in all things. Celebrate the Kingdom at hand for it's time is near. Stand strong through your storms speak a calmness across the land. Trust in His power and in His word and hide them within your heart that you might not sin against them. Teach like none before you, yet follow the tracks that have been laid for your trail. Walk by faith and not what you may see, for your eyes may tempt you to fall off course. Bring others unto you so that they may rest in His presence. Listen daily. Do daily. Pray daily. This is my goal, this is my future! Now watch Him work a new thing through me. Dig in with me and hold on tight and enjoy the ride with me. It's going to be a great ride, unlike non other.

Under my Skin

She gets under my skin in a way that keeps me tossing and turning and yet I remain optimistic that I will get her. She runs away from the closeness that brings joy and I keep chasing regardless. She places limitations on me and still I try to climb that wall. She tells me never and I ignore those words and press on. She says to give up but determination and desire drives me to not. She says you'll always be my good friend and yet she stays in my future as my queen and I stay in place as her king to her earth. She says her heart is elsewhere and I keep searching to find it, to place it in a better place. She says she'll stay away and yet I awake with joy of her presence that awaits me. She says I will no longer kiss you but I still feel her lips upon me. She says not to wait for her, and I do no such thing – instead I stand for her. She fights me daily on every issue and still I smile in her fight. She does the opposite of what you'd expect and yet my adjustments are easily made to accommodate what may be. She wonders why her and I wonder why not. She wonders if what I do and say is real, and to that I say trust in the joy that surrounds me when you are near. She wonders why I put up with her and it is because I already love my future with her. She says that I am confident and I say it is because I know that I know that I know. She says it is scary and I say I will do everything in my power to comfort you and that you can rest and trust in that. She says NO daily and yet I keep asking in hope, of which I am a prisoner of.

So why would I not give up and move on to the next best thing? Here let me explain it like this:

She is all that is and can be good. The passion that burns when near her calms the sea in my world. Her beauty is not only outward and inner but it moves and flows throughout her. I can feel her from across a crowed room without seeing her. My lungs pause in an effort to catch up to my heart that races when I am with her. I don't need to have sex with her but to make love to her is like spring at it's peak. I delight in her future endeavors because she will be blessed in all that she does. Pause for a second and think of someone that makes you want to be better – she drives that in me. Her laughter causes an uncontrollable smile upon my face and her hurts rips me apart. There is nothing that I cannot do with her by my side and not to sound cheesy but behind every good man is a good woman. She is seed to my mud and when she is planted in my soil, our harvest will be abundant and fresh. To say that she is smart would not be enough, nor are the words that I've used thus far to describe her. The curve of her waist, the shape of her hips and humps of her chest, down to the sway of her gaunt, to the deepness in her eyes, she personifies beauty. Rest is what she has for me. Joy remains wrapped up in her bosom. So when asked, why not move on to the next best thing, you now know that she is my next best thing and so much more. I may her her and I may not, yet I worry not of those things. I am too busy looking to find ways to win her heart that belongs to me. wink wink

My Name is Jade

Here I find myself rolling in the back seat of rimmed up, smoked out tinted 760 BMW, followed by a black Bentley Continental. It's 11pm on a weekday and I'm being driven by 2 men in the front seat. Both are armed. Can't help but think, “how did I get myself back in this situation?”. I've been out of a certain type of lifestyle for some time now, and yet here I am being driven around again, only this time I am not sure what we are going to do or where we are headed. Heck I don't even know who the hell is following us. Weird thing is, I'm good! It's like being back in a position that I was born to be in, only not exactly. I'm reminded of Biggie Smalls lyrics, “bad boys move in silence”, and suddenly I'm game for whatever we are rolling into. Um, is the trunk loaded with powder? Are we headed to check some fool? Are we just making stops? Fuck it! I'm in!

We finally arrive at a home. We pull into the driveway and the car following parks in the street. I swear I can give you an exact detail description of every home and car on that street. My driver gets out and goes to ring the bell. I can tell from his stance that I should be alert. The porch lights come on and the door opens. My driver gives the nod for us to come in with him. I pause for a second to allow for everyone that was meant to go in to get out the cars. “Jade, long time my dude”, shouted one of the passengers getting out of the Bentley. I give the classic black man's nod and we had inside. Keep in mind I have no idea what we are doing here, but you gotta know my brain is as alert as an idiot in a cage with a lion. The homeowner (I suppose he owned it) greeting everyone with a hand shake but I noticed that he did not say his name. We followed him through the sitting area and through the kitchen (I could smell pasta and bread too) and headed downstairs. There were 6 of us altogether walking downstairs with me at the end of the line. Something is not sitting well with me. I can't put my finger on it though, but it is definitely something wrong....One-by-one we reach the bottom of the staircase and just as I am about to hit the bottom.......the lights go out!

My name is Jade

Transforming Smile

Thing is you transform me into something new, something un-found and something I'd like to share. Thing is your smile uplifts my mornings. Thing is the sound of your voice delights my soul. Thing is, I have to repeat that last sentence cause your voice truly does delight my soul. Thing is I'm up early in the morning writing this cause I'm thinking about you and I'm smiling. Thing is I'm enjoying winning, working, trying, hoping, wanting, thinking and praying for your affection that I'll suffer long. Thing is I'm having trouble finding the exact words that describe you. Beautiful is too simple. Kind is too unjust. Giving is not enough. Thoughtful is too hidden. Nice is too mediocre. Thing is your kiss is strong enough to move my mountains, and your touch forgets all. Thing is your eyes touch my space and stops my heart. Thing is, in a room full of people all I see is you. Thing is you make me need to be a better man. Thing is I didn't see you coming but it was not my vision to which you were placed in front of me. Thing is I just paused and thought of something you did and smiled. Thing is my momma should meet you. Thing is your skin has me craving caramel. Thing is I'm suppose to keep these things to myself but I feel the urge and need to express them somehow. Thing is if I had only an ounce of these things from you, it'd be enough to spread love around the world....TWICE. Thing is you transform me into something new!

God

To say that God has been good to me, is a true understatement! Trust me, He has looked out for me, protected me, and saved me from myself so many times. Saying thank you is simply not enough.

Candy Bar

Surprised is where you might find your heart. You might be left to wonder how you arrived at this destination so quickly. Words are formulated to express thoughts and give meaning to experiences, yet often times they cannot fully convey matters of the heart. It is the beat of our day and the magic of our lives. It is our gift that continues to be unwrapped throughout our time here. Around every corner there’s potential for what I will call joy and this particular corner that I have turned, I surprisingly have found it wrapped in a nice, sweet chocolate candy bar package. This bar is silky smooth with a surprise at the end. It has the ability to melt in your mouth with a gush of flavor that leaves you in a wow state of mind. I can smile from the thought of it. I can dream thinking of it. I enjoy it so much that the entire flavor of it leaves my heart graving for more. I’ve been left to search for words that truly define the need to have it with me daily, yet none justify how deeply the desire for it is. Sadly this bar is not available in my town, but rest assured I will petition for it daily until it is obtainable just for me! Yup- All this for a sweet beautiful chocolate bar that surprised not only me, but has managed to steal my heart!

Let go

I love her and I wish I could shout it to the world but it's not meant to be so I have to let her go.

Not easy

Love is not easily obtained and sometimes it takes you coming out of yourself to
see it.

Mic

Music is my world. It uplifts me. It transforms me. It takes the world of my cares
away. It strengthens me. It brings a new me out. It heals me. It calms me. It
moves me (literally). It is needed in my life. It is my voice. It is me. All I
need is 1 mic!

Past Love

Her song is louder than a marching band. Her beauty reveals that there must be a
God. The thought of her causes stars to shine brighter. Her kiss is my dream.
Her eyes speak of love. The beat of her heart plays my jam. Her touch raises the
hair on my neck. Her embraces is what I need.

For Her

Its vibration creeps deep into the pores of your soul and forever changes you. The taste of it captures your thoughts and keeps you bound to its passion. The call of its scent whispers to your nose. Delight in its presence for it truly is a rare experience. The beat of its core can be heard in silence. Take your time and measure its beauty. Words can’t define it, nor can they describe it. It is elusive but obtainable when open to the gift it brings. “They write movies of this”. The sway of its essence causes unimaginable pleasure even from a distance. Its dance grabs your rhythm and changes your vibe. Can you feel it? Can you taste it? Can you touch it? Would you keep it if you could? Its distance brings worlds together. “No mountain to high. No river too wide” to keep it away from itself. It draws closer when mirrored unto itself. Nothing, I mean nothing can detour its arrival. Time stands still for it. Silence speaks to it and it speaks silent nothings to its beneficiary. It’s confident in its presence and stands the test of time. Can you feel it? Can you illustrate it now? I like to its everything, – LOVE. Rest in it.

Life's Book

life has its very unique book, filled with chapters of experiences; some good, some bad and some are just that - some. Be excited and moved by it all, for it defines the essence of who we become. When you read this book, understand that you need to slow down and inhale all of its pages and learn from them. Some you may want to turn back and read again but do not dwell there. Instead, turn the page in expectation of what is still yet to come. Be moved in your movement because this my friend is LIFE and it's filled with many great blessings. See how far your chapter takes you!

Have you seen her?

Have you seen her? Na, you couldn’t have seen her or you wouldn’t be the same. Your walk, talk and experience wouldn’t allow you to remain the same if you’ve witnessed her. Her beautifully brown painted skin would’ve left you craving more. Her wonderful full lips would’ve had you begging for more words. Her frame would’ve had you changing professions. Na, you didn’t see who I saw. Her intelligence would call you into reference. Her cares would’ve left you in delight. Her smile would’ve changed your vision. Heck if you talked to her you’re thoughts would be transformed. You sure you saw the same woman? If you did you’d know that God exists because only He could’ve created such exquisiteness. Her laugh would’ve had you looking for angels. Her saunter would have your world stopped. Ok, so did she touch you; because through her hug you’d be made whole? Her presence would’ve changed your perception. Her scent would’ve called for passion. Her eyes, hair, skin, lips, nose, teeth, hands, ears and the rest of her body would’ve had you thinking artistically. Yeah, naaaa you couldn’t have seen the woman I saw… cause that sweet black woman got me all shook up.

Mama didn't hold me long enough

Mama didn’t hold me long enough. Mama didn’t hold me like an angels star. Let loose to the wind I was blown from this to that. Often landing in places that sucked the fruit from my nectar. Forever drifting in this sea of the world that is filled with pain, dirt, hurt, sex, lies and broken promises. There I would find myself lying in the cracks of life: desperate. There I was hiding, tucked away in the corner trying not to be noticed. Trying not to be stepped on and crushed. So I developed an outer shell; one that would protect me from breaking. Only, my shell would become heartless, careless and destructive to any that came across it. Sad to say but I didn’t even know my shell of protectiveness was not only harming others but it was destroying me internally. You see mama didn’t hold me long enough to teach me the protections I’d need to defend myself. Defend myself from the destructive nature of me. You see all my joy, happiness, pleasure, peace and love were all gifts giving to me from my Father, but the natural would seek to claim all that is good and have it return void onto me. So now, this…this shell of mine that I can no longer see through and recognize the reflection of myself has changed me. Erased are the joys of my past. They lay tucked away in corners of my resting places. No mama didn’t hold me long enough, but mama held me long enough that I may break this shell to reclaim that which was lost, so that now I may see. Return to those dark corners and collect what is mine and my Fathers’. Loose the chains of my mind to reclaim my angels star. Mama didn’t hold me long enough, but my Father did and He has come with me to recover all that was taken!

My name is Jade

You ever get the worst news giving to you through a text message? An era has ended that once captured the imagination of so many. It was seemingly a pure and innocent time in my past that allowed for moments of bliss and joy. Though life would get in the way of promise, and provided circumstance would lead to the inevitable collapse of what once was promised between two individuals, no one would have expected it to come to a conclusion in the form that it did. While I was by no means owed anything by anyone, I still failed to realize that I could be ripped apart by the exclusion of the knowledge that a bomb was soon to go off, right in the center of my ground zero; my heart. There are many famous quotes from many famous people and many great movies…”We hold these truths to be evident that all men are created equal”…”One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”…”Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country”…”Truth, you want the truth? You can’t handle the truth”. All of which will live forever in people’s memory that know them and now I too shall have words that will forever live with me. “Jade, I got married to Cory this weekend.” And that was the start of my new life. My name is Jade!

Sarah

Sarah, if there is one thing that I am certain of, it is that your mother loved you from the moment you were created. I can feel, see and hear her in everything you do. I cannot explain it Sarah, it’s something that only angels process; you and mommy are the only people I have ever met that can change any circumstance no matter the task, difficulty, involvement, pressure or need. So baby girl I know there is nothing that is beyond your scoop. You have taught me to believe in and through things like nothing I have ever witnessed. (From dad)
With that I took to the sidelines determined to see things through the eyes of certainty.

I believe that we are all gifted in some form or another and many of us need a little push to pull out that gift, but when it is realized there is nothing that neither can nor will hold us back. My high school teachers you probably laugh to hear me say that…
Sarah, Sarah… Wake up young lady (teacher).
Ah, my freshmen year of high school. Just like many of the other insecure kids that attended our school I was sort of an outcast. I guess you could say that I was missing something I never had but had all the while. Yeah I know it doesn’t make much sense, but in time it will. Jason, Gabby and Mike were my best friends. We’d known each other sense we were toddlers. After my mom died people never wanted to leave my dad alone with me (for whatever reason), so the neighbors would make it a point to stop by for dinners, check-ups and random visits and they would bring their children along as well; which is how I met Jason, Gabby and Mike.
Mike’s father died when Mike was 7 so he sort of became the “pack leader” at his home. Like me he had no siblings. It was just he and his mom. So when his dad passed, he sort of started taking care of his mom which made him into the young responsible, protector teenage man that he is today. He has always looked out for me as well; never letting anyone or anything harm me.
Gabby and Jason are brother and sister. They live across the street from, in a loving home with both parents. I always liked it when their family would come over to visit because seeing them made see something normal.
Well that’s the “gang”. Me, Mike, Jason and Gabby.

My name is Sarah

My name is Sarah and I haven’t been born yet, but I am destined for greatness. I will be born on Feb. 3rd at 3:34am. My dads name is John and he loves to play the guitar and sing to me. I haven’t figured out how he does it, but his songs match’s my mother’s heart rhythms. My mother…. Ah how tender, patient, caring and loving she is. I listen as she talks to my dad and other family members, but when it’s just her and I, she’s different… She likes to sit under the stars and talk to me while rubbing her tummy. (Giggle) I like when she does that, it’s the only time I stick my feet out (giggle). My mom and dad always tell me that I am special and that I will be a gift to the world. I’m not sure what they mean by that, but I love to listen as they tell me their dreams of me.
My father is a high school football coach and my mom is nurse. What a pair they make. They say they are saving lives through mentorship and medicine.
I am not sure how to start the next part of this story, because it is about the beginning and the end of something near and dear to me. I guess I will start with the day my mother came home from work (Feb. 2nd). I remember her crying alone on the porch about something that happened at work. I could hear the tears falling as they left her chin. I’d never heard mom cry before but I knew I did not like it. Daddy, daddy, help, mommies crying, I shouted over and over again. Suddenly my mother screamed for”John”! Right then I knew something was wrong. Dad came running to the door, “What’s wrong” he asked. “I think I am going into labor, my water just burst” mom replied. In a flash bright lights surrounded me and my world was changed forever. I did not know what was going on and it was quite a harrowing experience. Then a soft familiar voice crept through all the other sounds. It was my dad whispering to my mom. He said, “Sarah, you are my rock and I have loved you from the moment you laughed at that silly first joke I told you. You are so beautiful”….”As are you, and you have always been my dream..I love” …….those was the last words my father and I would ever hear from my mother.

Jade

And still I wonder. And still I think. And still I know. And still I am. I am that young teen, young adult who’s mind and dreams of visions take president over some realities. And so I wonder what spark may be lit to bring chaos into my circle. Alone I stand with many whose heart beats that of a lion. Silently I’m thinking king of the mother fucking world and I wish a Negro would, but all the while knowing that this mentality is that of a caged man’s world. Ambiguous defines my thoughts, desires, passions and lively aspirations, but in this place it must lie dormant for fear of its dominance of others. Is this confident? Is this egotistical? Is this cocky? Is this real or fake? If I said past is my present, would you know what I mean? Fear may grip you if you heard my stories, but harmless has a puppy I am – there still rest and awaits the bite of sweet nectar whose taste stays a lifetime. Probably trying to figure out what the hell is being spoken right now; that is unless you are blowed out of your mind, which if that is the case these words are probably doing a rain dance on your brain. So you ask the question, who am I. I am Jade!

Fair

What is fair? What is acceptance? I ponder these things tonight as I sit in this room alone. I have often needed or felt the need to be accepted, even though I’ve never been any but accepted. This thirst for fairness can affect every aspect of a person’s life and the very actions he or she may take in this walk of life. Make no mistake that the soil from which we arrive and grow in will play a major role in all orders of our lives. We must have fertile ground if we are to grow. This applies even if our start began in soiled land. It is fair that we look back on past events that laid the foundation to our make-up, but we must accept what we see in doing so, and look forward to fresh starts. It is ok and fair to want and need acceptance of fresh things. Seek these things as you walk, and perhaps more important, share all the knowledge that you gain from this walk of acceptance. Neither we, nor I can change past dealings, and we are to be careful not to remain there with them. It is fair that we accept those things and move forward to better ideals and all that’s promised to us all.

Prince

I close my day out and lay down to rest and watch t.v. Only I’m compelled by what surrounds me. I rest under fabrics fit for a prince, with Egyptian rare shades at the windows. A table at my feet, with a bronze lamp of a man holding an umbrella. White lilies drape over the edges of the table. At my head rest another lamp of a warrior in battle. Starring down at me rests a white tiger on the wall. At this moment I realize all that has been given to me and the need to acknowledge that screamed at me to write this. I often start writing and don’t know where it will end up, but I know these words serve some purpose in some way or another. What I hear is that God telling me that He needs to find another way to get my attention. I hear that I am valuable and that the knowledge that I possess is great and needed. The white tiger that stares at me, says I am with you always. I am your protector. The man with the umbrella seems to be saying, I will cover you. The warrior represents the conflict inside my head and soul. With all that surrounds me, I am not deserving of it. Yet here I am; resting in things fit for a prince.