For Me

Life is short and you never know when your moment will come. Sounds blah blah blah but you truly never know when you are done. Today I’m tired. I’m tired of keeping things in, even though I don’t know how else to be. I’ve seen death come in many forms and at random times so you’d think this death wouldn’t be so difficult to swallow but it is. With tears forming in my eyes the feeling of alone settles up against me. The world lost a good person this week. I mean an overall good person. You know when someone is just good to be around? Someone who cared not for themselves first? Yeah, that kind of person was lost this week and I’m trying to deal with it bravely but all I want to do is lean on someone and shed a tear or two. This has been a reflection type of experience for me, as so often death does, and it has made me look differently upon many things. One of the things I look upon is the saying, give and it shall be given unto you, but tonight as I write this I question it. Another is knowing based off feeling and I think that maybe knowing is really not knowing anything at all (hard to explain). I’ve liked who I am because I consider myself to think of others first and would give my all to anyone in need or so I hope. I don’t put my worries or feelings out there much because I don’t trust that they will be protected, but sometimes I want to just rest with someone and transparently reveal myself. It is then that a release can take place. I trust in God and know that He is my comforter but I also believe in people that He places in my life and therefore look (sometimes) to them to just know. Can you not see that I am not myself or is it that you care not? No this is not to you, it is for me. I moved people out of my life and I believe that you must do this continually throughout life but sometimes it is not that a removal is needed but more a conversation that’s needed. Writing helps me in so many ways and I can feel the power of it moving as I express myself through words. Lord, I am broken in a couple different ways and I need your help to put me back together again. You know my heart and you know what I need, so I ask that you simply be who You are to me. I’m tired. I can’t carry these things much longer, so will you send me help and when you do, do not allow me to mess it up in any capacity. Well that’s all I got to say tonight.

Fiction vs. Non-Fiction

My Name is Jade

So you wanna know if I got another side huh? Look partna, I will never hesitate to whip ass as needed. Big, medium or small, they all fall the same. I will take a beat down too, but you best believe my return will be fire like you’ve never seen. Why question a history that you play no part in? Don’t you know you should always know the history before you start the battle? Look, my silence is golden but when and if I have to speak on this level, rest assured there are consequences behind responses. I don’t believe in cocking back unless necessary, to which all I’ll say is yeah ok, but these hands will break down the best of em. Yeah, so uh that’s enough of word slanging, now get at me when you ready. Oh and in case you forgot, my name is Jade!

You Gone Walk With Me?

You gone walk with me? You gone trust that my footsteps will lead to you into fresh unchartered paradise? Do you realize that that would be my desire? Do you understand that there would be no limits to how high I’d reach for you? Do you know that I would make it my business to complete you? Do you distinguish that I’d expand your mind in efforts to compose your destiny like a fine tuned symphony? You should allow me to explore you like a dark, deep, moist cave that has never been discovered. Sanction me against you like I was made for you, is where I’d like to be. Would I be allowed to be your puff to your coco? Do you know that I want to be your beginning, middle and end? Do you know that I want to learn you like a,b,c’s? Woman, these footsteps will carry you when you’re in need, when you are ready. Do you know that I pray over you and ask that angels protect you in all of your coming and going? Do you know that your smile provide life? Do you know that I’d plant “us” in fertile ground? I see my gift in your eyes; did you know that? Would you mind if I danced a life with you? Yeah, I’d love to experience that kind of paradise with you. So um, are you gone walk with me?

My Name is Jade

With power comes these things: I’ll get that for you… You stay put, I got it… What do you need… Is there anything I can do?

The unusual moments that creep up that you are not expecting are the ones that provide meaning in life. So there she was, in all her magnificence (yeah I used the right word) coming toward me and there was nothing that could release my eyes from her motion. Strangely enough I was deep into a conversation with someone at the very moment she passed by, but everything/everyone faded away with each step she made. Like a kid in a candy store I knew I had to have her and if it took setting up a lemonade stand to raise money, I was going to do just that so that I could go back and get my candy. Didn’t matter what obstacles lay ahead, all I knew was that I’d never experienced the fading of others in a given space and leaving only “her” within it.
If there is/was anything I was used to, it was getting what I wanted, when I wanted and how I wanted it. This would prove to be very different for me as her “no’s” became the norm. As you can imagine, anytime you have something worthy of fighting, you will do what you have to do to obtain it. I’ve always been laid back and let things roll off my shoulders because end the end, the ball always rolled to my corner but for some reason this damn ball would not play fair. With each passing day the lure of her grew. Now, yes yes yes, we spent a lot of time together and yes to any questions that may be running through your head, but that’s for another chapter in this book. Since the ball would not play fairly, she became the hour to my glass as our time began to run out due to other factors somewhat beyond my control. While things were not necessarily handed to me always, many times they were but the things I had to fight for are still with me today. She would prove to be no different as I was prepared to suit up my armor and battle for as long as it would take to obtain the desire of core. With so much to lose and gain, I was ready and marched in with weapons drawn (no not literally) and would find that a battle of adoration was like battling myself. There would be so many lessons I’d learn and challenges I push through. Along with some losses, I’d gain some victories but with each clash I’d become stronger for what rest ahead and what rest ahead, not even I was truly prepared for. This is my story and my name is Jade!

Pensive Moment

Pensively in time I lay tired and at wits end. Not sure why I’m reminded of Kings famous words of, “Mine eyes have seen the coming of”, but it’s mystifying at this moment as mine eyes, touch, taste, smell, gift and present have danced in the space of music that is yet not available. To its rhythm I have moved and its cosmos has opened to my existing within it. Have mine eyes deceived me and I’ve visited an unrealistic touch of possibility? Occupation so rich and near that I can taste it, yet its holder clamps firmly on yesterday’s experiences. Still, still I rise (thanks Maya) ready, willing and able to face lost dreams through the hope to which I remain a prisoner of. A piece of me dies daily for a gift that came at exactly the right moment, because I am unable to fully unwrap its offer on me, yet I will tell the mind to rest now, and think no more of yes we can’s but rather rest in your comfort to know that an imprint left behind in space, remains persistently a voice of faith.

Tide

Don’t know how much longer I can exist in this capacity because it staggers me into positions that are not conducive to whom I am. There’s a song that says, “Sitting at the dock of the bay, watching the tide roll away” and while it may be a comforting view, I’d want to jump in and roll with it. Take me wherever it will and allow me to experience the full ride of its journey. It’s a beautiful view from where I’m sitting and I want the view to last a while but there are clouds forming on the horizon. I’ll face them with preparation and hope that the beauty to which I am comforted in returns to rare form and hugs me tightly with its charm.

Inspiration

Inspiration comes from many places and there is beauty in it all, if you open up to it. Words on a page, a smile from that someone, a night’s sky, a change of seasons, a baby’s rest, and the nature that lives amongst us are just a few things that provide food to our thoughts. Everything that makes us who we are needs nurturing in some form or fashion. Today my rest came from two places. The first was smile that always opens my pores and allows for fullness to overtake every aspect of who it is that I am. Everything fades when I am under it and it lays upon me and provides comfort and rest; as if to say, “peace be still. I got this.” The second were words on a page which providing a lesson that fed my unknowingly need for the day. To me there is nothing greater than giving and I was reminded that it is who I am, and who I am cannot live fully without sharing my “water” with others. So today I send my words on this paper to myself. Let it be a reminder that, that which I drink shall also be poured out in return.

My Name is Jade

I’m not sure if you ever truly let go of your past. It is what defines me now. If it were not for it, I would not be who I am today. The thing that I grapple with is sometimes it feels easy to become trapped or more less drawn back into it. Power and ability are strong enough to stay with you through whatever you face in life and to have had it at will sometimes carry over into other aspects of my life. The thing that adds to that power is the fact that it was done in silence. Diddy and Biggie were right when they said, “bad boys move in silence”. To me that’s a piece that is lost in todays “world”. Silence is dead. It’s dead from every aspect of the word too. If you are hustling, you feel the need to let the world know and that’s a concept that I just don’t understand. I need to offer up a small piece of advice or wisdom lol…. Those that are seen but not heard are those with power and those that are heard will never be seen as anything but a thug. Last thing… a thug never stays around for long. My name is Jade…

My Name is Jade

Come on and fly with me. Keep up if you can. I will need you to dig your heels in, put on your belt and hold on tight. There will be moments when you want to shut your eyes, and when you get that urge, I suggest that you do. Look, all I’m saying is that I know that you’ve never experienced anything close to what I am about to show you. That doesn’t mean be afraid, it means be prepared. Understand that what I am telling you real and you should not doubt it. This, this right here will cause you to think beyond what you are accustomed to thinking. As a matter of fact, let’s call this experience an expansion. You ready? This is my world and my name is Jade.

I Bought You

You was on sale and so I bought you. I didn't really want you, nor did I have a taste for you but the price was good so a purchase was made. I set you on the counter and gave you no mind and figured I'd get to you when I got to you. You seemed content with where I placed you. Time passed and there you stayed and I gave no mention of you. Before long it was time to replace you and it meant nothing to me. The price I'd paid were pennies in a bucket and just like that you was out with the trash. Not a thought was given of you, and all...all...because you didn't value your own you!

Sister you are more than a body! You are priceless!

Heart of Opportunity

Can a heart be in 2 places? I have heard this question asked before and for me the answer is hands down no. You only have 1 heart to give and/or share, so when you place it in a place, it is there to remain until you take it away. Sure your thoughts can be in many places but when one has the heart of another, then the one with it holds the box of opportunity. It is for them to understand the opportunity and too protect it as needed. Protection comes in many forms and I mean it in many ways. I may distract someones attention but if a heart is taken then the distraction will be limited by time; that is to say, only if the keeper of it protects it. A kingdoms weakness should never be revealed to others outside it because there are others that want it. Therefore a King is to protect, keep, cherish, feed and love his kingdom and understand the needs of it. If another makes their way into the kingdoms chambers then it is bound to fall, as now the other has tasted its offers and shall surely desire it as their own. Keep what you cherish, under protection and listen to the heart of your opportunity.

Motionless Life

She is all that makes life move but yet I am motionless to reach her. No matter which words I choose for they fall upon deaf ears. From flowers to gifts they all end in failed attempts. Through phone calls and text message an expression is given, only to be deleted and not taken in. From and through effort a design is formed, and through determination something new is born. From those I find ways to feed my purpose even when adversity stares me in the eye and says I cannot or will not obtain that which you seek. Look at me, all ready, willing and able to transcend "myself's" still body and transform it into a seamless work of you. You may not see, feel, taste or touch the meanings of these words but I pray that one day you may find that my move is contoured to your motion and that its outline is dotted with you as a part of me. Do I write more or have these black letters on this white paper said enough? ....to be continued....

Come Outside

Come on outside and enjoy this days spring air
Lap me up with dew delight
Start another moment but make it fresh
Live in the moment with care

Watch me move all around you
Catch me as deep as you can
Ha ha, stop and smell my roses
Taste this new

Pause for second in your mind
See what pleasures abound
Feel its breathe among you
Go slowly, for we have nothing but time

Hey you, yes you, whose smile matches my offer
Look your garden is full of passions fruit
I've supplied the fertilization to your moon
All that is needed now is to remove the buffer

Yeah it's a nice day to be out
I wanted you to have joy in every corner
I'm at your back while reaching your front
After today you'll have no doubt

Bet you hadn't planned on this
Surrounded by the essence of essence
OMG just for you?
It's your everything that once was your wish list

Slowly, slowly I will treat you to today's gift
You see, you touch, you taste, you experience
All, all that I've come to give
And presented to you; will you except ****?

Elijah Christopher-Dey House

I remember singing to you inside your mothers womb. I remember rubbing her belly, and every time I did, you would move closer to my hand. I knew you could hear my voice and feel my touch, long before you would see the light of this world. I remember seeing you for the first time. You were so small and covered in body fluids. The doctors/nurses took you to be washed, measured and weighed you, and all the while you never really made a sound. I remember the first time I held you in my arms; to my joy, you smiled. I lifted you up to my face and smelled your beautiful skin. My nose to yours, my eyes to yours, I knew my life would never be the same again; it would be forever better. Tears formed in my eyes, as it was a love I'd never experienced. I swear I got you to smile at me the day that you was born lol. I get a little teary eyed now as I think about your first day with me. I could tell that you felt at home with me as I held you. There were many people there to greet you, but when I held you first and it were as if I were holding an angel. You had on one of those hospital caps lol, looking like joy. I have had many joyful moments with you and I want you to know that daddy will always love you. I've loved you long before the light of this world shined upon you.

Learning Love

I often write about love as I've been blessed to experience, taste, touch, smell, give, except, witness and miss it, so it breathes in me and with everything in my lungs it expresses me. Ironically I miss its exposure to me as it is dangled in front of me only to never be had. I learn from it though. Things like words and their meaning. Things like expressions and the things behind them. Things like desires and the reason for them. Things like expectations and why they are placed. Things as simple as a touch or peck on the cheek and the offer applied to them. Forms of love come in many packages and I am thankful that today I learn just what love truly is and how it truly conforms to the many situations that abound me daily. More recently I touched a future of endless joy and possibilities and enjoyed its feel and with its touch came the pause of loves power. Yet today I still dance in loves melody, as I've learned that it's a gift and any pleasure in it should be placed as joy. So I have joyfully watched smiles, dances, touches, kisses, hugs, laughter and even arguments pass over time and I so look forward to today's gifts.

Confusions Light

Confusion use to surround me but now more clearer do I see things. As if trapped by loves blinding light, I could not make sense of the beauty before me. I could feel the design of it's contour and knew that its makeup was created to fit my layout, but for reasons beyond my realm I could not make the pieces of "now", fit the pieces of "yes". It was my bridge of clouds that I felt was my destiny and I was ready to walk it. "Here, grab my hand and follow me", and with that a reach back was left void. Was the bridge placed for me? Would I have enough faith to still trust that it was? Unmoveable and strong was the connection I felt while standing on it. Indeed must I walk it, even if no hand was there to bind mine. What a tall order to fill, but along the way I discovered how easy the journey would be and the clouds to which I once viewed were suddenly clear and there was no more confusion and there stood the light of love and all her beauty was truly defined as - YOU!

My Name is Jade

So there I was sitting in the back seat of a police car. Humiliated as people were walking by to see who was sitting in the police car. I tried to lean down but the officer said, "sit up". It was a feeling I'd never forget but sadly it was a feeling I would experience more times then I would have liked too. I was booked into custody which meant I was finger printed, photoed, searched and had all my property that was on me taken, even my clothes. I was given an orange jump suit and oh, they took my drawls too because they were not white. FYI if you are committing crimes, I'd suggest that you were white underwear just in case you get caught, you can leave them on. After being given a peanut butter sandwich and milk (which I gave away) I, along with others were led to our new "rooms", better known as jail cells. Now I was arrested around 1pm and didn't get into my room until 2am. Yeah, it's a process and I think it's a process that is setup to piss you off.

The next morning, the lights came on and the jail cell doors were unlocked. It was time for breakfast. Locked up for the first time causes your appetite to go away, so I planned to just sit and wait until someone came to bail me out; only I wasn't the only person in my cell and he offered some advice to me, "I'd come get this food cuz. It's gone be a while before they come back around". So I jumped down off my cot and walked toward the line to which the food was being handed out. As I reached the door and looked down at the officer passing the food out, I realized I knew him and he realized the same, but there are moments when you know not to acknowledge such things, and this was definitely not the moment. It was simply an understanding between us. Surprisingly that moment would change my life forever and would be both a positive and negative experience for some time to come.

My name is Jade

All

I live. I learn. I love. I'm thankful that I am allowed to do them all.

Footing In Good

Do you not think that if I am pushed I will not move? Though my footing is grounded and planted in fertile soil, as with anything that brings non-unity, one must be moved. I look not for your push but for your stance. Your stance at my side to catch me if I fall. I look for your words to uplift me when my world is uncertain. I look for your nurture to keep me where I need keeping. If you are not there for these things, my place is darkened. If you are not there my light is dimmer. Don't you know that your presence feeds my soul? Don't you know that your smile freshens my air? Do you not know just how much you've become needed in my universe? Do you not know I pray for your rest? Do you know not that I will always stand in your battle, ready, willing and able to take on anything in an effort to build with you a new something? I place my foot where it is ordered and every foot print I leave behind takes me right back to you. Now, now it's time for those foot prints to walk along-side you.

Word To The Wise

Word to the wise, open your eyes and notice the purpose in front of you. Notice how protected you've been. Notice how you came out of nothing and made something. Notice that those situations that should have killed you, didn't. Notice that you keep being blessed in every way possible. Notice that all your needs are met, and many of your wants are too. Notice that the things you use to worry about are no longer a concern. Notice that your future is brighter than it's ever been. Notice that you are truly surrounded by love. Notice that the relationships you have now have are meaningful. Notice that the people around you are blessed. Notice that you live with such inspiration. Notice that your gift is aways being manifested. Notice that the little things mean more than a lot of the bigger things. Notice that you have so many options. Notice that whatever you choose ends in blessings. Notice that you stumbled but never hit the ground. Notice that when you are weak, you were carried. Notice that you wrote this without any hesitation. Word to wise, never, never forget these things and be glad and rejoice in all that He has done for you and continues too.

?

What else was I suppose to do or be? If you only knew the things I've seen.

Sun Shine Between My Blinds

Good morning sun shine as you squeeze between the blinds and dance upon my face. Good morning to the scent that you bring from morning dew. Good morning to the musical outside my window. Good morning and thank you for the applause given by the trees that sway in your winds. Good morning to thought of one day waking next to you daily. Good morning to the embrace that awaits me. Good morning to the smile that is forever painted in my thoughts that is so perfectly captured by the light of the day. Good morning to the fact that I've been allowed to all this beauty and for that I say GOOD MORNING!

Afraid

I love you and I ain't afraid to say it. I think about you and I ain't afraid to say it. I want you and I ain't afraid to say. I wonder what you're up too and I ain't afraid to say it. I ain't afraid...

Hi God

Hi God. Thank you for today and yesterday. Thank you for words that allow for expression. Thank you for giving thought to me. Thank you for the many angels that imcamp themselves around me to protect me from any hurt harm or danger. Thank you for not giving up on me, and continuing to feed into me. Thank you for favor over my life. Thank you for your presence in my life. Thank you for those that pray for me. Thank you for family, friends and those that you place in my life to serve a purpose. Thank you that you allow me to sometimes bring light into a situation. Thank you, thank you for forgiving me of my short comings and failures and teaching me to do better. Thank you for all that you do, not only for me, but for the countless others that you do for. Please allow anyone that is near me to experience you on a whole new level. I want them all to blessed in everything thing that they do. Please continue to mold, shape, guide and keep me near you and on the right path. Do not allow me to fall short of your glory. Redirect me unto you so that I may remain with you at all times. Strengthen me where I am weak! I need you like never before and thank you for being with me like never before. Thank you for your son who saves me daily. Thank you Father.

My Name is Jade

I remember it like it was yesterday. The first bag of weed I sold was in a park. I'd dove right in by buying my way in and off my name. While I'd been around drugs all my life, I hadn't tried any, nor had I sold any. My boy said, "aight, you up! He gone want the same thing everytime you see him", which was an ounce of weed. In my earlier days I always carried a pistol and that day was no exception. I must say I was nervous. I mean, I didn't know this dude from no where and I was about to get into a truck with him to conduct business. If there's one thing I knew about this business, it was that you can't trust no one! All kinds of thoughts were running through my head: Is this a setup? Is this nigga gone try to rob me? How much is an ounce again? How much change is he suppose to get? Yeah all kinds of thoughts. I was so consumed, it's amazing I didn't shoot the dude from nerves alone lol. All-in-all, the business went smooth and only took a few seconds. A few words, weed and money was exchanged and just like that, we were done and I'd made my first "profit", which was something like $50 in a few seconds. Now understand, my supply didn't come from your average supplier so my profits were better than my competitors. Yep, that's how my first pitstop went. I wonder if he remembers my name....Jade.

My Name is Jade

You ever look around the room and feel an advantage? Whether it's beauty, smarts, ability, charisma or wisdom you can sense an advantage. Maybe it's you or another person in the room, it's undeniable. I've found myself in all types of rooms with all types of personalities and there were many times where I felt that I had the advantage. It's probably because I'm an observer more than anything else. I just notice things that others tend to overlook. Tonight was different though; as I found myself separating thoughts and formulating a plan to work both sides of an idea.

As with most things, places and people, there's competition, but instead of competing why not combine the resources to a new never before done structure. I mean, why fight over something that seemingly is never going to run out. How do I remain in the "competition", but not really be competing? How can I get the people in the room to want my way without them realizing that I'm playing both sides...shoot, in fact, I'm playing all sides. This could certainly get me killed, but it could also give new meaning to power. Let's face it, people in this business don't last long without true power. So knowing that, I'd have to learn how and when to acquire it.

You have many "levels" of a "drug business" and each "organization" is ran differently, just as Coke-A-Cola is ran differently from Pepsi. Understanding that there are differences is important but understanding what the differences are is more important (at least from my standpoint). Everything from where a plant is harvested, grown and picked is important because it all starts there. From there, there's the "chemist" which does any necessary missing, cutting, adding etc. before it is ready for large scale packaging. With any package there's shipping and with any shipping there's a recipient and ultimately they are distributor. The one making the money in this is the owner of the "packaging" process. Think of it as a sweat shop; the first person touching the item is the one in the sweat shop and from there it grows, but the one in the middle is actually the one on top. They control everything and therefore they are the ones with power. They are known as "kartels". They have close ties to every level of the "business" and their reach goes a lot further than you may think. If you want to get to that level, you better be prepared for anything that WILL come your way and you better not flinch a muscle when you do. This is my story and my name is Jade.

Make of Heaven

Will you come look at this... This smooth chocolate, gorgeous angel that seemingly was sent by the heavens is here with me. Like how did I get so lucky to have her desires swing into my corner? How in a sea of plenty, all is calm in the midst of a storm? Her smile stops my concerns and her embrace speaks a foreign language thats only for my ear. Stories are told in the pit of her eyes that tell tales that not even her mind is prepared for. Come see how the storm doesn't even touch her and her beauty remains in place. I can't even look away from its pull. She'll always be this in my eye of this I am certain. This...this make of heaven.

Dance With Me

creep up next to me like smooth music and dance to this flow. Move right to my left and swig to my sway and be my swag that's like wow. woman touch me like the bass vibes in the corner that makes this motion flow like loving thats right and good. Not only expressed through words but unspoken outbursts of woo. Push up on this like I'm the 1! The 1 that after we twine you gone wanna tell somebody but you'll better not too. shake that curvature that keeps my poetic rhythm in sync. adjust my tempo to match that sway of your ocean as i dive in feet first, only coming up for brief breaths of life. Yeah, move that fiber of you as its nutrition is absorbed into me. feel our bodies stretch into new areas and let the sweat of your creams pour over me until we cum to the end of our motion.

Hey DJ, rewind that!

In Box

It's interesting that some of these post were written a long time ago and yet they flow with all the writings on here.... well duh it is the same author.

Ok so I am getting in boxed now, so here's what i'd like for you to do...if you have poems, send them to me and i will post it and give you all the credit.

No Title

Woman I will love you for the rest of my days. You have been a pleasure in everyway. In many of them, it has been a surprise. While I may not get the chance to have you in the capicity I'd like, I will delight in the measure we shared. You've taught me things along the way and I pray that they remain with me always. I'm not going to list the many things that light my face when thinking of you, but I will say that it was all of you that did and some of what you didn't.

Wake Up Woman

Guess who's back, it's me people. I'm that brother that'll spit that game that'll have yo ass backing it up on me. Stop fronting like you don't know, cause I had yo ass up in the air just the other night. Stop it now! Anywho, yeah I'm back to let yawl know that the game has changed a lil. For those that don't know what I mean, all I'm going to say is that things ain't always as they seem. Yeah, we (men) got dirt, but don't be so crazy to think that these chickens ain't got none too. Yeah you might be laying in another mans wet spot, if you know what I mean. Heck it could be mine...shoot if she bout 5'7 with light brown eyes and curly hair, then you might wanna check yo sheets. I'm just saying. Yeah so anyway these women ain't playing no mo. My dude my advice is to get yo world back from these chics and recognize that the game has been stolen right from underneath you. Stop buying these broads shit. Stop taking them out to dinner and buying flowers in shit. Don't be making them cd's and taking them on trips. Man cut all that out dude! Man look, all these chics want is dick and money...that's it! They ain't looking for no substance as nigga. They don't care that you got standards. They ain't trying to hear all that shit! Yeah yeah, I feel you...they all say that that's what they want but bottom line when that shit is presented, they gone run right to me and imma have that ass up in the air without lifting a finger. Shit matter of fact imma be hitting it while looking at the pretty ass flowers you got this chic. Man so what that you wanna do right! Christian?!? What dat mean? Man look, money and dick...dick and money....look my dude, I got em both and a nigga ain't hurtin for no bitch, ya dig...Now on the other hand, what you got to show for yo punk ass gifts? or yo soft as music? or any of that shit you be doing? Man, I'm just saying, cut that shit out! These women don't want that shit and they don't care how beautiful you may see them as. Stop telling em that crap! They ain't listening... You be trying to feed into them, but are they returning the favor? Hell no they ain't! So stop that shit! Let them keep dropping those drawls and giving me exactly what I want from them, which ironically is - NOTHING!!!

Sorry I missed You

Love don't live here anymore. I'm sorry but there was a sale on another house that couldn't be passed up. Love packed up and took all it's possessions with it. Love did leave a note behind just in case you showed up looking for it. I can't find it right now but I did memorize it. It went like this:

Sorry I missed you or better yet sorry you missed me. Its been good but you and I know this house was meant to be a home and your keys just never fit these locks. This house was built with a 2 car garage which fit us well, but you stayed out trying to find that 3rd door. These was walls were made to keep and protect us, but you seemed determined to knock them down. The colors that we picked displayed such charm but all the while I ignored your true color that was before me. Oh I cleaned the windows after being inspired by you as I now see right through...you. While the space you now stand is empty, it was once filled with substance and I pray that you remember it, cause where you now lay your head is filled with poverty beyond monetary. I'm still hoping that you find what it is that you are looking for out there, but yeah I had to go. I found a new house and I am enjoying making it a home. You should stop by one day when you find the time. Sorry but no you can't come here; it's just simply not made for you.

P.S You'll always have a place in my heart, no matter how small it may be :)

Future

I wish I could make it clear just how much you mean to me. The only way to let you know is simply to tell you.

You mean the future to me

Happy Thursday

This Aint For You

Excuse me but uh this ain't for you. You had it but misused it. It was yours but you didn't appreciate it. You overlooked it's charm and settled for bland. You kissed it away as it was seeking you. You questioned its meaning and all the while it was designed for you. You didn't reach back when an extend was needed. You didn't stand, but rather you rode the bench in spectator mode. You didn't believe in the possibilities and killed hope. You thought sex would keep me, but boy were you mislead. You thought beauty would be enough but...WHAT, WHY?!? You ignored every dream and let them die without a fight. You didn't expect me to bounce but then again I'm not surprised you thought that way. Yeah this most certainly ain't for you! No really this ain't for you!

Keyboard

F and J is the way I want your touch to be. Run across me like the K and D underneath you. Feel me up as if I'm the S and L at your ring finger. A I'm talking to you who grips my space of rest. Now put it into action and some C about me.

My Name is Jade

My father made a name for himself and to this day there are untold stories. I was reminded of some of them the other day while riding with my brother. During small talk my brother said, "man for a minute I swore we were a mob family", and I couldn't help but remember that he was not my dad's son (directly that is), so in some ways he didn't get the full understanding of my bloodline. I wanted to tell him that yes the black mob existed and yes we were surrounded by it daily, but I kept silent.
You see I learned early that silence is golden and it is very powerful. My father never hesitated to take me around situations. I'm not sure why he felt so comfortable doing so, but none-the-less, that's what he'd do. I remember a night where my father and I went to some ladies house and there were other kids there playing video games. He told me to stay put for a minute and that he'd be right back. He was dressed in all black and he was wearing a leather jacket (shoot I'd like to have that jacket now). I could tell that something wasn't right but I also knew that I needed to follow my fathers orders. No sooner than I turned my back to go play with the other kids, I heard "No, come on man, it wasn't me" and it was followed by 2 distinctive sounds. 1 was the sound of a man being slapped and the other was the echo that rang through the house which came from a bullet being fired into someone. I am not sure if you've ever heard a sound like that but I can promise you that it's a sound that you would never forget. Of course all of us that heard it, stopped what we were doing and starred down the hall awaiting for what was next and the what next would be my father coming and saying, "aight, let's roll pal". I'm smiling now, not because of what I heard but I remember that that was his name for me...Pal.
We never spoke of the sound or anything about the house, kids or anything. It was just an understanding that silence was golden. It's amazing what my ears have heard and eyes have seen, but what's more amazing is that I've never spoken of any of these things over the 30 years I've been around.
These are my memoirs and my name is Jade!

Recently Discovered

I discovered something on this walk and thought I'd share it. With one step at a time you arrive at your destination with many memories captured along the way. All the beautiful sights taken in and all the labor that went into your ordered steps were not in vain but placed you in a new promise. A promise that with focus and determination you are were you are need to be. It's a nice feeling to get there but it's also just as nice taking the stroll. You've laid upon me many a day and so nice it was to realize that your heartbeat matched mine, just like that line a movie I once saw. Beat for beat, step for step it was as though purpose had finally been found. I knew at that moment my pace was truly designed to produce beauty and I looked forward to it in many forms. I slowly noticed that we shared many other things too, all of which I smile upon even now. The tone of your skin, the delight in your smile and even the comfort in your touch. Ready-set-go, the race was on, only there was no shout of "go", but still I ran. I see a thing and go, but you teach me to stay in stride and embrace the moments that surround me. Embrace them slowly too. Instead of running into my tomorrow, I'm living in my today.

She Spit Her Passion

She done spit her passion on my heart and I can taste its delight and frankly I enjoy it. She done sent my world into a tailspin and I'm enjoying the ride. She done uplifted my spirit and I want to go higher. She done smiled at me in many of my dreams and I can't wait to rest again. She done kissed my hopes and got me feeling all "yes we can". She done caught me off guard and imma leave my weapon behind. She done got me writing like I'm some sort of author and imma keep typing. She done touched my joy and I need her to not stop. She done got me saying things like don't stop and I'm hoping she won't. She done got me saying WTF and I'm still like WTF. She done hugged my space and I don't need it back. She done, done it and I done got use to wanting it to be done.

150 Hours

Something like 150 away from heaven
Awaiting to be saved
But no one is close enough to extend a line
Girl save me like only you can
I'm reaching for your hand but it's a distance away

-Chorus -

150 hours away from heaven
Tell me how to not think about it
150 hours away from heaven
Tell me how to hold on

-Verse II-

We've held on and experienced love
together
Held close, so close we've shared heartbeats
Your rhythm playing against my song
150 away from an ending tune
Girl save me like only you can

-Chorus-

150 hours away from heaven
Tell me how to not think about it
150 hours away from heaven
Tell me how to hold on

-Verse III-

Save me baby
Pull me from this pit
Hear my hearts beat
It's fading fast
I've got 150 hours to be away from heaven

-Chorus-

Tell me how
Tell me how to not think about it
150 hours away
150 hours away from heaven
Tell me how to hold on

Fading out....

If It Said

If it said stop, are you one to stop?
If it said go, are you one to go?

If it said speak, would you stand in silence?
If it said it's green, would you see yellow?

If it said quit, would you quit?
If it said love, would you love?

If it said write, would you drop your pencil?
If it said teach, would you abandon it?

If it said shoot, would you shoot?
If it said give, would you give?

If it said him, would you look for her?
If it said her, would you look for him?

When do you follow the vision that's been shown to you? How long will you question it?

I Ain't Saying Goodbye Tonight

I ain't saying goodbye tonight. Tonight you are going to be mine. Tonight you are going to give me all of you and I'm not just talking physical. I need your mind, body, soul and the life you have to share. Tonight I want to hear your essence sing. Tonight you are going to need to let the cares drift away. Tonight I'm going to fight your worries and any concerns you have. Tonight you will find comfort in these arms of mine. Tonight my pleasure will be passed onto you. Tonight I am yours and you are mine. Tonight see me in front of you and rest in the vision you see. Tonight the presence of peace will surround you and clarity will release you of your blocks. Tonight I am not asking for these things, but rather tonight you'll need these things and will desire them. Tonight our kiss will free our minds and there will be no words to speak, except these – Good Morning

Good Morning

Good morning sunshine. Thank you for waking me with your bright rays of joy. Ah what would I do without you? You bring so much to my day. Your energy rubs off onto me and gives me the ability to face all that is yet to come my way. Not that I'd like to but I couldn't escape your presence if I wanted too. You cover so much of my space. Funny thing is, I sometimes forget how much you are needed until you are away. Thank you for feeding me life and much abundance. Ah so nice to be in your glow. You'll be next to me for all the days of my life and it makes me thankful :).

My Name is Sarah

You have a gift! I don't know why or how you are able to do what you can, but it is something that was given to you and I believe it is something that is meant to be used. You have to focus and know this, this is your moment. Since you were little I've tried to push you into other things by not believing in you and yet somehow you managed to still push through to your genius. You taught me so much along the way. You never gave up no matter how much I tried. You get that from your mom. I see her in you everyday. She was such a champion of life and I have been too busy to see that everything about her passed to you. I lost love when she left and couldn't see the love that surrounded me everyday. Those moments where I wouldn't give my all, were all done out of fear. I've been afraid to love you fully because I've been afraid to lose you. Of course me being the idiot that I am, I managed to do that anyway. I am so sorry for not speaking into you. Everyday I wanted to hug you and tell you that you are my angle and that I will always love you. Everyday I wanted to tell you how proud I was of you and how proud she would've been too. (sniffle) Your mom... she'd want all of your dreams to made real, and she'd get on me to make sure I did my part to make them happen (smile).

You have to shine and now is your time to do just that. Shine brighter than any star! Go back out there and show them who you are! Show them the talent that I am proud of! Show them you know your stuff! I want you to show them how to LIVE! Go get em, Sarah!

Edward Lee Thomas

I don't know if you have ever been on this blog, but wouldn't it be nice if you did. Wouldn't it be nice if today was the day you found this page.

I love you. I miss you. I miss talking to you and hearing your laugh. I miss the advice you'd give me. I miss your protection. Man no matter what, I will always love you. I hope that one day I'll have my brother back because I miss you.

Choice

Hurt, sadness, pain, guilt, confusion, frustration, happiness, pleasure, excited and joy you get through it all. Some of those are your yesterday and it was meant to LIVE you in your today. If I could take those “bad” ones away and replace them with the “good”, I would. These are the things that make us, US and in the end it shapes us or better yet forms us into our uniqueness. These are poetic words, only you may not see the poetic side of them right now. I'll do the resting for you and bury the hurt in a place that cannot be found. I will turn your sadness into pure joy. Your frustration will be replaced vision and purpose. I will use that, that was harming for good and leave you confused about where the pain went; only you'll know who took it away. I will dead the guilt you may hold (PERIOD). My purpose is to bring you all that I have for YOU. What I have is truly ONLY YOURS! It is exciting for me to be able to share it with you because you are just that special. You are my beautiful TD and um H (lol). (I couldn't resist because I know he'd love that). Will you allow me to do these things for you? I can promise you that if you allow me inside, your life will never be the same and it will be definitely something that you will be glad you did. How about we do this... you just start talking to me whenever, and I will be here listening always.


P.S – Tell Earl that he has not been forgotten and that I am here for him always too.



Sincerely
God

Close Your Eyes and Sing With Me

Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song ...

I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style.
And so I came to see him to listen for a while.
And there he was this young boy, a stranger to my eyes.

Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song ...

I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowd,
I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud.
I prayed that he would finish but he just kept right on ...

Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song ...

He sang as if he knew me in all my dark despair.
And then he looked right through me as if I wasn't there.
But he just came to singing, singing clear and strong.

Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song ...

He was strumming, oh, he was singing my song.
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song ...
With his song ...

New Color Please

Color me a new color please. I would prefer one that is translucent so that my blemishes will not stand out. I am not talking about my skin color either, but blot me out like a bad stain and make me over again. Erase me and replace me with all those nice Spring colors that everyone loves. Better yet blend me with Spring colors and sprinkle me with the colors of Fall. Wouldn't that be nice to see me painted in luminance? Forgotten would be the cares of yesterday and you'd wish to dwell in the calm I now bring. Marvelous how beauty seems to shape and form itself at the right time, but even more marvelous that even in it, it can be overlooked. Color me bold please. Yeah give me the paints that cannot be overlooked. Give voice to my presence and let it speak.... na, let it sing that exact melody you need. Pull me from something rare and something to keep, as I may pour out to you. Can I be your new background setting? Will you make me your new default color scheme? Color me in a place of new please.

Hurt

In a word

Freak!

Some you lose and some you gain and some of what you lose you gain.

You ever look up at the stars and marvel in the magnitude of it's splendor? Ever find yourself mesmerized at the beauty of it all? I mean you could literally find yourself looking at them for a while. Would you consider it a loss of time if you found yourself caught up in it? Would you find yourself looking up at them again?

I mean stars do offer up many things to one's person - such as comfort, peace, rest, calmness, beauty, amazement and many other things.

Man i was going somewhere with this but, honestly my mind is just not here tonight!

I enjoy my Lord. He places things on my heart and will not let me rest until I express it. As I clicked on the interview with God that is on this page (at the top lol), one thing stood out to me. Free! Everything we do is of our own free will. When it comes to love you cannot force someone to love you but rather you must be open to allowing love in your life. As I have stated before, I have a passion for love. It covers a multitude of sins and has the power to overcome all things. Love is easy to give for some and for some it is easily obtained. Of course love has different meanings to us and is expressed in many ways. My love is music, arts, people and apparently writing (wish it was reading lol). If not for expression who would we be? Who would I be? To freely express my love brings joy to me and it opens me up to new love when it's returned.

Carry these words within the winds of today's air. Fall in a place who's presently in need of it. Lay in the lap of them always. Touch even the doubtful with it's power. Fertilize the life within our lungs so that the exhale will be new and fresh. Season me as the motions of the year. Stay a while longer, please....

I love you

IDK

Nights like this i wish, that rain drops would fall. Perfect chorus tonight. Ok so this is one of those nights where i have nothing particalur to write about. Um,i guess i'm a little lost tonight. Where are those freaking rain drops. Like for real, where are they. Shoot i need sleep like right now. I'm so ready to close out this weekend. Guess that's what i get for missing church today. ok, i'm outta here cause this feels like i'm twittering lol....holla

When You Make It Home

When you make it home, will I still exist within the capacity that I've endured. Will you still look at me with blocked passion in your eyes. Will your touch change. Will your smile dimmer. Will your peace cease to remain in my comfort. Will your language speak an unknown vow. Will your essence be removed. Will your need be amputated. Will your kiss still linger days in your absence. Will your love be void. Will your need to whispered away. Will your dreams be changed.

When you make it home I will exist in your pleasure. I will have no obstacles in my vision that prevents me from getting to you. My touch will burn with passion for you. My smile will not be able to be contained. My rest will be found with you and it will provide comfort to my soul. I will speak a new, new into you. I will need to borrow your essence for a while. You will be my left to my right and your move to my way. My kiss will teach you a good lesson to replace any troubled ones. I will provide you a love that will never bounce. I will not be able to contain my utterance that cries out "love". My dream will never be departed, even in your lost.

When you make it home......

Fly

Let me go so that I may fly
Kiss me away like the fall leaves
Watch me sore as the clouds in the sky
Teach me how to breathe
Lesson me a gift that last a lifetime
Aim me high enough to be seen always
Keep me near and enjoy me like fine wine
Talk with meaning and love me in good ways
Read me like a classic novel
Push back when need be
Open up so that I may not grovel
See me standing in front of you on bended knee
Color me bad like ending spring delight
Take me before I end
Come with me as I take you to new heights
Wake next to me daily and we'll do this all over again

To Me

Don't cheat yourself on anything. Go for what you want and get an understanding of what "it" is before making a decission. Live for Christ and for you and know that nothing happens for nothing but rather there is a purpose for all. When you cannot make sense of the situation seek advice from wisdom and wisdom will lead you right but understand the wisdom you seek must be covered. Enjoy today :)

My Name is Jade

"Dude, I got something I need you to do. Do you still have your CDL and access to a truck?"

Telling a story from a point of view that allows others to know exactly what you mean is not always easy, but I'll do what I can. Actually, I'll try to tell you from my view.

There I was, yet again about to be involved in something that could take my freedom away. What the hell am I thinking and why does this keep happening shit! Um, but there could really be some money in this if I roll with it.
Ok, so if I'm in, I'm doing it my way. I have a list of things that must be done before anything is touched or setup. Number 1, I need to know how many people are involved. 2. I meet only you. 3. I will set the date and time so I will need to know the location of this pick up and which trailer I need to look for. I know it's early in the game but get me that trailer information. 4. I roll alone! 5. I will need to know the address that the unload will take place. 6. Unloading this trailer will take time so I will need 4 people that you trust to be there to get this done ASAP. Those are 6 major request that must be followed to the letter. I need that information by Wednesday and I will roll on Friday. It must be ready by 9pm Friday. If any of this is not ready, you know I will bounce.

If there is one thing I know, it is that you must cover all your bases when conducting business. Of course me getting a truck would not be an issue (for reasons you may learn at a later post), but I had to make sure that the pick up location would be secure. FYI most shipping locations are very secure, so docking into a trailer at night is not as simple as plug and play. There's a process that is typically followed. I would basically have 1 day to make sure we wouldn't have any issues. 1st step, go to the shipping house and somehow get them to show me around the facility; which by the way was really simple. I mean they showed me around everything, including security or lack there of. Once I figured out how I would get my truck onto the property I had to figure out where the trailer would be. This was simple too because the person showing me around took me right to the trailer itself, only at the time it was empty. Wow, getting my merchandise would truly be a piece of cake, so now my next stop would be the unloading location which happened to be right in the hood. Of course people knew me and my car so I couldn't just roll up and scope the place like that. After all if you don't know this, people in the hood are nosey as hell and will walk up to you and ask what you're doing. Now they won't call the popo but they will ask. As you can imagine, I wouldn't be able to say, my name is Jade.

Writer Like No Other

The title to this blog is "Writer like "NO" other" and in many ways I am just that. Some of the posts are random thoughts, real life situations, non-fiction and whatever else comes to mind. Shoot I need to carry my laptop around with me everywhere I go because I often have random things pop into my head that I'd like to write about. I tend not to read what I post so there are some grammical errors throughout, but I don't wish to change that because it's part of the "NO" in NO other. There are many things that inspire me but the number thing that inspires me to write is love. Love has such an amazing ability. I believe that with love anything is possible. Even things you would not expect to be. After all it is the very thing that many of us truly seek (one way or another). Ok, i'm done with this post. I just felt the urge to write this, so here it is. I hope you enjoy reading it :) and if you don't, I gotta ask, what is wrong with you? j/k (sort of).

Dear John Letter

Dear you that smiles and brightens my world. Dear you that looks at me and somehow ease's my concerns. Dear you whose touch stops my breath. Dear you who makes a crowd disappear just by walking into a room. Dear you whom I'd wait a life time for. Dear you who's laugh brings a smile to my face. Dear you who's hug lets me know that I'm good. Dear you who's voice warms me. Dear you who's walk causes my head to tilt. Dear you who's loving is tremendously deep, wet, nice, fitted and needed. Dear you who's eyes tell tales of a story book. Dear you who's smart. Dear you who's kind. Dear you who's rare. Dear you who's hand I'd like to hold forever. Dear you that when you finally let lose and allows the connection. Dear you who's cheeks are so kissable (both). Dear you who's being missed right now. Dear you who's hair I'd like to play in right now. Dear you who's skin I can smell and taste right now. Dear you I'd give up a million dollars too. Dear you I hope you smiled at this. Dear you I don't want to spend another day without you. Dear you, you are loved and missed. Dear you, do you know i'm talking about you?

Yesterday Vs. Today

You can't live in your today if you are holding on to something from your yesterday.

Talk About Blessed

Man talk about blessed and make sure you through me in that conversation. I know that He covers me daily from weapons formed to take me out and from weapons I manifest myself. He provides for me in ways that leave me in aw. He heals me even before the pain. He talks and teaches me lessons, some easy and some difficult, but during His talks, He shows me through vivid visions. He still gives me free will to choose my path, but always taps me on the shoulder to remind me of the correct path to which He desires for me. He surrounds me with purity even when I turn away from it. He opens doors that were suppose to be closed according to man. He gives me favor for no reason. He carries me when I can do know more. He replenishes me when I all poured out. He heals me long before the illness. Mention His love for me during that conversation, but make sure you mention you as well because He loves you just as He loves me.

Un-removable Stain

Slowly she entered my thoughts and left an un-removable stain that I would enjoy for a moment or two. She slid on my issue and wiped away the sorrow of yesterday. Her laugh is recorded in my delightful place, to be played back at moments notice. Even her deepest unexpressed thoughts linger amongst my subconsciousness. A second has passed and I've shared my sentience with her and all that breathes within me echoes for more time. How favored am I to have held my gift of future in my arms and witnessed to it, the power that is? As with each passing moment this stain grows into something so beautiful that only God could have made. With time does the watering of it's seed become revelant to all that is bound by it. I cannot, nor do I desire to escape it's harvest of purity, peace, joy and love, but rather I bathe in it's splender. I will slowly allow it to settle into place as the foundation to my ramble and rejoice in the love that slowly entered my thoughts and left a un-removable stain on my heart.

My Name is Jade

"Pull your car into the garage and close it. Jimmy is upstairs waiting." I calmly head up the stairs, following the instruction that was just given to me. I make it outside and think WTF! Why would they have me walking into this freaking situation and they know this is no longer me! Would I be wrong to hope in the car and roll the hell out? I mean look, I didn't sign up for his crap! Shoot I can't roll out because obviously this car is loaded. Fuck it, let me pull it in. Just like that I was tapping the horn to have the door opened. Now understand, when this door opened, the average person would have probably pooped their pants because you know trouble when you see it. None-the-less I allow the door to close behind me and no sooner than I step out, Jimmy and 2 other men begin taking the car apart. Ok, ok for those of you that have never seen dope before you would have been truly in aw of the amount of dope that was pulled from this car. Shoot even I was like holy cow (in my head). I stopped counting the kilo's (keys, birds, etc.) after one of the guys went to get a wheel barrow for the back yard. This was enough blow to get us all locked up for a long time. See what you may not realize is that cocaine produces real time. The kind of time that yo boys snitch for.
I began to understand the true situation after a while and knew that the count had better be correct or I was not going home that night. Ok, now this part was kinda funny to me, as Jimmy used a toy walkie talkie to communicate with the home owner in the basement. The thing about toy walkie talkie's is that the reception is poor and you have to keep repeating yourself. You had to be there. Anywho, everyone that was in the basement finally made their way to the garage where it was all smiles. The homeowner looked at me and said, "good job" and tossed me a set of keys. "This is yours until I call". Just like that a major deal was done and me and the passenger that was with me on the way, rolled out in a mercedes E-class.
There was so much I had to say to my passenger but I knew I needed to get back to my area first. I must say that the drive was heart wrenching and long and I didn't know what exactly I was going to do about this situation. I mean 1, I was known to do things alone and not seen and now there I was amongst several faces conducting business that could take away my freedom overnight, all because this idiot next to me took me along on this flipping ride. Fuck it, I had to pull over to confront this dude. As soon as he heard the turn signal click, he knew it was on and uttered, "please keep going, I had no idea". I read people very well, and know bs when I see/hear it and I knew he wasn't feeding me a line of the crap.

My name is Jade

Is God For Rent

Is God for rent Sunday's and in time of need? Is He meant to be used when we are in need? Is He suppose to come to our aid after we have ignored Him in regards to the very thing that we are now trying to rent Him for? Did He not supply direction to this situation already? When He says that He will supply all your needs according to his riches, did He mean only when you are ready to rent Him? When He said that His rod and staff shall comfort you all the days of your life and that peace shall dwell with you, did He mean if you follow Him or is it ok to Rent that peace and comfort only as YOU need it? When he said forgive your trespassor and/or not to judge, did He mean sometimes it's ok to not do so? I could ask these questions for the rest of my days and the answers would remain the same. Instead I'll close with a question to myself; did He die for me to use Him as a rental?

Love is Kind

Love is Giving

GPS

Please enter the state in which you are headed. Please enter the city. Please enter the address of your destination. Please select if you'd like the shortest distance or faster arrival time. Please put your seat belt on.

Start out going west on Monday for the next 8 hours.
Turn Left on Tuesday for the next 8 hours.
Turn Right on Wednesday and take it for the next 8 hours.
When possible make a U-turn on Thursday and follow it for 8 hours.
Make the next right on Friday and you will arrive at your destination in 8 hours on the right.

How was the trip? Did you see anything worth while? That was a lot of time, what'd you gain? Are you going back the same way you came and are you gonna take the same way next week? If so, for how long?

Dear Mirror

You better watch your back and watch who you're talking too. I suggest you think about it before you get jacked up. You can go there if you want to but it may not be what's best. I done see what you got and I know who you wit and I can tell you that that ain't goin be enough. I'm just letting you know and you know i'm right!

Close Your Soul

Close your soul, as I see your inner makings. Brilliant measures that fill your makings have me twisted in whirlwinds of passions that cannot be contained through any form except presence. Alleviate my thoughts that rest upon this canvas of affection. Cleanse my secret self of those things of which I have seen but leave a scent of it's touch with me all the days of my life, so that I may encounter it's peace at moments notice. I've been exposed to the chemistry of you and I am forever drawn to it's assembly that's harmonious to my beat that sustains me. You have poured out like a rivers roar whose vibration is felt a great distance away. What is this thing that mine eyes have seen that has become so profound it inspires creation of poetic thoughts? No need to think about it, I'll tell you... It's the inner makings of you!

Experience

That of which you do not see coming will be the one that changes all. Will you reflect on the experience gained? Will you stay in those past moments? Or will you face them with understanding that nothing is by chance? We turn down roads we've yet to travel because our minds cusiousity eluminates the GPS inside us that shouts what the mind truly wants. If we hadn't taken the uncharted path of which is now a part of us, would we not have gained a different view or a new perspective of beauty that lies beneath? Dance in your experiences, they are yours. Refresh your soul in the flavor of your life.

I Don't Feel Like It

I don't feel like writing, but an expression comes in many forms. I don't feel like being here, but the present unwrapped cannot be enjoyed. I don't want to think about her, but my world is tilted and I'm losing trackion. I don't want another lesson, but knowledge grips me. I don't want something else, but I don't want something else! I don't want go there, but there my hope rest. I don't want another moment to pass without you knowing that I love you, but you already know that i do. I don't want to write anything today, but I have to expose my being, by being me. I'm stopping now because I don't feel like writing.

Suicide

Suicide is a real thing. It affects many people around you rather you realize it or not. I am no doctor and I have no formal training in regards to depression or suicide, but I would like to offer up advice to everyone; listen to those around you. I mean listen to their everything. Always speak life into their life. If you hear sadness or pain, talk about it. Ask them if they are ok, but in order to get them to open up, they will have to know that you are asking because you care. You have to be sincere in your listening. Their very life could depend on it.

I lost my cousin in the tragic club death in Chicago. He was trampled to death after a panic inside the club and tragically 20 other young adults were killed as well. I think about him a lot but I also think about his mother, my aunt Mary. I can feel her brokenness every time I see her. I can see her sparkle has dimmed a lot. I am sure there have been moments where she has felt that the pain would never leave and that it would be easier to simply rest, but by the grace of God she still stands in the gap. I have failed her because I have not asked her how she is doing. I haven't asked in part because I already know but perhaps she would still like someone to just listen. Sometimes I think she can read my thoughts and that she'll just know that I'm here for her but I cannot trust in that and I will do better.

Love Replacements

A few words that can be used to describe love:

Adulation
Affection
Allegiance
Amity
Amorousness
Amour
Appreciation
Ardency
Ardor
Attachment
Delight
Devotedness
Enchantment
Fervor
Relish
Rapture
Piety
Passion
Zeal
Weakness
Partiality

Um, I am not sure if those are valid though. They seem temporal.

Open Your Windows

Open your windows and take in the breath of life. Enjoy the endless moonlight that covers our voids. Count as many stars as you can until you run out of numbers. Enjoy the night sounds of the air. Sit or stand and marvel at the beauty in it all. Find yourself lucky enough to see a shooting star. Locate the big and little dipper in the Heavens above. Notice the calm of the hour. Let these things entice you to remain still in it and reflect of your gifts. Some small, some big, some you can see, feel and touch, but rejoice in those that can only be experienced. So many empiricism's are presented this night and with any gift, it is meant to be shared. I share this with you tonight in hopes that you slow down and take in all that is around you. Sink into the purity of the nights soul. Rest in the symphony amongst you. Love in the dance of life. This is an opportunity, so go ahead and inhale and breathe a new breath of life.

My Name is Jade

No more than 3 seconds of darkness had passed when the lights came back on, but a lot can happen in 3 seconds and when they turned on all I heard was a booming question bellowing through the staircase; “What the fuck are you doing?” I looked to the left of me and could see my driver was unconscious and being carried deeper into the basement by 2 men that seemingly came from no where. The other passenger in my car was the one that shouted the question and no sooner than he asked, the “home-owner” replied, “Would you really like to find out?” Keep in mind I'm still standing on the last step observing. I noticed that the others that came in the other car didn't have a look of confusion, but rather it was a look of confirmation. They knew why, what was being done, was being done. The only people that were clueless were my driver, the passenger and of course myself, but unlike the passenger I know when not to open to my mouth and to remain calm. I could sense the tension around me and I was hoping that the passenger would answer the question correctly. I am not sure if it was fear or confusion that prevented him from uttering a word, but it was exactly how he needed to respond to the question before him. “O.K, gentlemen shall we get down to business?”

How did I get myself back in this mess? What exactly is the business we are getting into? My name is Jade.

B-Day

Another day, another year! To the Angel that I know, I say Happy Birthday to you. 365 days have passed since your last BIG occasion and it represents a change in your life. This is the year you become stronger and boulder and opportunities will come to you and they will knock until you answer. You shall have much to smile at this year. Some peoples birthday signifies things like travel, prosperity, increase, and wellness, and I know that this year yours happens to be NEW. Not for reasons you may think either, but NEW is definitely headed your way throughout the year. Enjoy it all and again Happy Birthday to you!

TD - H

Brown skin, swan like elegance, charm of brilliance and a smile that even the birds have a special melody they sing when they see it. Hands of hope, eyes of rest and hair that winds smile at the opportunity to blow it. Lips of sweet cream, laugh of spring, so warm that angels are moved to sing. The move of her dance will put you in a trance if given the way to her gift. The tease that she flashes with such pretty eye-lashes leaves you needing more. Her back is smooth, soft and silky to the way of her song, but in order to hear it you must take your time and the waves shall gush out like broken bottles of wine. My goodness her shoulders, collar bone, arms, legs and toes are nothing short of delightful and if you didn't hear me, let me say it again, yes her toes are nothing short of delightful :). Her chest and stomach will cause me to stop writing because that visual is way to exciting!

Brother King

Finally you have become a man. God fearing, husband, brother, friend, father and head of your household. Here you stand strong in your rightful place as King to this time and place. So profound are your footsteps for what you shall leave behind will be purposeful and timeless. Black man, you have to know how needed you have been. You had to be overwhelmed at the destruction of your lineage. You had to wonder when the insanity of self committed violence against your kind would cease. You had to wonder where the fathers were all those years. You had to wonder who would protect our daughters. You are now a nation of Kings for which moves throughout the land. Your reign shall last an eternity and become the fabric of our being. I'm so glad you picked up this mantle and are carrying it well. It must be settling to know that our brothers and sisters that have been lost over the years did not perish in vain. For every black male that hope was lost on and he in it, we now have you. For every black woman that looked for love in all the wrong things and places, we now say, no more. Teacher, provider, protector, leader, giver and knight in shining armor are you! So nice to have you at the dinner table. So nice to have you helping with homework. So nice to see you in the stands at the games. So nice to see you walk her down the aisle. Do you know what it means to have you in your rightful place? I know you've faced many remonstrance in order to arrive at this place and my heart weeps of your past but I am thankful that you pressed on. My King, my friend, my brother thank you! You had to wonder whether or not we would put down the weed, alcohol, guns, crack, abuse, joblessness, babies all over the place with different women, homelessness, jail, no education and the self given name that represents weak (nigger). You had to wonder when someone would stand up and say STOP! Did you know it would be you? Did you know that you had the power to stop our daughters, sons, brothers and sisters from such demise? Did you know that all you'd have to do is step in place? Heck did you even know you had a place? How did you make it through all those obstacles? It had to be God! He had to keep you safe. He knew we needed you. He knew the power in you. He protected you from so much. Even when you did face challenges, He guided you through them. My King I am so glad that you are home...Here in your rightful place! Welcome home BROTHER!

I Wasn't Prepared

I wasn't prepared for this. Strong, wise, street handled, women educated and smooth stay calm under any situation personality and still I wasn't prepared for this. Suppose to see the bus coming, right? It's huge enough, right? It makes enough noise, right? It's bright enough, right? It's color stands out, right? It has lights and a stop sign that flashes for goodness sake, and still I wasn't prepared for this. It slid around the corner unseen and unheard this day. Funny thing is it wasn't even a school day so it shouldn't have been out that day. I didn't think that there was anything unnatural when it stopped in front of me and opened the door and said, “get in”. The ride was nice and smooth. Shoot it even had a nice sound system with TV's throughout. The wheels were sitting on spinning dubs and the windows were limo tinted black. Darn it I didn't care where it was headed, all I know is, I was in for the ride. It was a smooth ride too, until it hit a pothole. We must have been speeding because I was tossed from my seat and hit my head on the roof. It hurt like hell too. Here I am laying on the floor and the bus keeps going, seemingly distracted by the road in front of it. Do I yell “stop, I'm hurt”? Na, I'm good! I've been around the block before so let me get my butt up and get back in my seat but this time let me put my seat belt on so that I'll be prepared the next time we hit a snag. You may be wondering why I'm not getting off the bus and the answer is, I can't because this bus was made just for me. It has everything I like and need and it came to my home to pick me up at exactly the right time. While I wasn't prepared for round 1, I most certainly will be prepared for round 2, 3, 4 and whatever else this bus has in store for me.

Called

To those that called to serve, blessed be the footprints you'll leave behind. Your words are to be transforming to men hearts. Your ability to renew a broken vow shall be your power. Through your touch blessings will fall. Be careful of your thoughts for even they have power. Your tongue shall be used to dance up the good in all things. Celebrate the Kingdom at hand for it's time is near. Stand strong through your storms speak a calmness across the land. Trust in His power and in His word and hide them within your heart that you might not sin against them. Teach like none before you, yet follow the tracks that have been laid for your trail. Walk by faith and not what you may see, for your eyes may tempt you to fall off course. Bring others unto you so that they may rest in His presence. Listen daily. Do daily. Pray daily. This is my goal, this is my future! Now watch Him work a new thing through me. Dig in with me and hold on tight and enjoy the ride with me. It's going to be a great ride, unlike non other.

Under my Skin

She gets under my skin in a way that keeps me tossing and turning and yet I remain optimistic that I will get her. She runs away from the closeness that brings joy and I keep chasing regardless. She places limitations on me and still I try to climb that wall. She tells me never and I ignore those words and press on. She says to give up but determination and desire drives me to not. She says you'll always be my good friend and yet she stays in my future as my queen and I stay in place as her king to her earth. She says her heart is elsewhere and I keep searching to find it, to place it in a better place. She says she'll stay away and yet I awake with joy of her presence that awaits me. She says I will no longer kiss you but I still feel her lips upon me. She says not to wait for her, and I do no such thing – instead I stand for her. She fights me daily on every issue and still I smile in her fight. She does the opposite of what you'd expect and yet my adjustments are easily made to accommodate what may be. She wonders why her and I wonder why not. She wonders if what I do and say is real, and to that I say trust in the joy that surrounds me when you are near. She wonders why I put up with her and it is because I already love my future with her. She says that I am confident and I say it is because I know that I know that I know. She says it is scary and I say I will do everything in my power to comfort you and that you can rest and trust in that. She says NO daily and yet I keep asking in hope, of which I am a prisoner of.

So why would I not give up and move on to the next best thing? Here let me explain it like this:

She is all that is and can be good. The passion that burns when near her calms the sea in my world. Her beauty is not only outward and inner but it moves and flows throughout her. I can feel her from across a crowed room without seeing her. My lungs pause in an effort to catch up to my heart that races when I am with her. I don't need to have sex with her but to make love to her is like spring at it's peak. I delight in her future endeavors because she will be blessed in all that she does. Pause for a second and think of someone that makes you want to be better – she drives that in me. Her laughter causes an uncontrollable smile upon my face and her hurts rips me apart. There is nothing that I cannot do with her by my side and not to sound cheesy but behind every good man is a good woman. She is seed to my mud and when she is planted in my soil, our harvest will be abundant and fresh. To say that she is smart would not be enough, nor are the words that I've used thus far to describe her. The curve of her waist, the shape of her hips and humps of her chest, down to the sway of her gaunt, to the deepness in her eyes, she personifies beauty. Rest is what she has for me. Joy remains wrapped up in her bosom. So when asked, why not move on to the next best thing, you now know that she is my next best thing and so much more. I may her her and I may not, yet I worry not of those things. I am too busy looking to find ways to win her heart that belongs to me. wink wink

My Name is Jade

Here I find myself rolling in the back seat of rimmed up, smoked out tinted 760 BMW, followed by a black Bentley Continental. It's 11pm on a weekday and I'm being driven by 2 men in the front seat. Both are armed. Can't help but think, “how did I get myself back in this situation?”. I've been out of a certain type of lifestyle for some time now, and yet here I am being driven around again, only this time I am not sure what we are going to do or where we are headed. Heck I don't even know who the hell is following us. Weird thing is, I'm good! It's like being back in a position that I was born to be in, only not exactly. I'm reminded of Biggie Smalls lyrics, “bad boys move in silence”, and suddenly I'm game for whatever we are rolling into. Um, is the trunk loaded with powder? Are we headed to check some fool? Are we just making stops? Fuck it! I'm in!

We finally arrive at a home. We pull into the driveway and the car following parks in the street. I swear I can give you an exact detail description of every home and car on that street. My driver gets out and goes to ring the bell. I can tell from his stance that I should be alert. The porch lights come on and the door opens. My driver gives the nod for us to come in with him. I pause for a second to allow for everyone that was meant to go in to get out the cars. “Jade, long time my dude”, shouted one of the passengers getting out of the Bentley. I give the classic black man's nod and we had inside. Keep in mind I have no idea what we are doing here, but you gotta know my brain is as alert as an idiot in a cage with a lion. The homeowner (I suppose he owned it) greeting everyone with a hand shake but I noticed that he did not say his name. We followed him through the sitting area and through the kitchen (I could smell pasta and bread too) and headed downstairs. There were 6 of us altogether walking downstairs with me at the end of the line. Something is not sitting well with me. I can't put my finger on it though, but it is definitely something wrong....One-by-one we reach the bottom of the staircase and just as I am about to hit the bottom.......the lights go out!

My name is Jade

Transforming Smile

Thing is you transform me into something new, something un-found and something I'd like to share. Thing is your smile uplifts my mornings. Thing is the sound of your voice delights my soul. Thing is, I have to repeat that last sentence cause your voice truly does delight my soul. Thing is I'm up early in the morning writing this cause I'm thinking about you and I'm smiling. Thing is I'm enjoying winning, working, trying, hoping, wanting, thinking and praying for your affection that I'll suffer long. Thing is I'm having trouble finding the exact words that describe you. Beautiful is too simple. Kind is too unjust. Giving is not enough. Thoughtful is too hidden. Nice is too mediocre. Thing is your kiss is strong enough to move my mountains, and your touch forgets all. Thing is your eyes touch my space and stops my heart. Thing is, in a room full of people all I see is you. Thing is you make me need to be a better man. Thing is I didn't see you coming but it was not my vision to which you were placed in front of me. Thing is I just paused and thought of something you did and smiled. Thing is my momma should meet you. Thing is your skin has me craving caramel. Thing is I'm suppose to keep these things to myself but I feel the urge and need to express them somehow. Thing is if I had only an ounce of these things from you, it'd be enough to spread love around the world....TWICE. Thing is you transform me into something new!

God

To say that God has been good to me, is a true understatement! Trust me, He has looked out for me, protected me, and saved me from myself so many times. Saying thank you is simply not enough.

Candy Bar

Surprised is where you might find your heart. You might be left to wonder how you arrived at this destination so quickly. Words are formulated to express thoughts and give meaning to experiences, yet often times they cannot fully convey matters of the heart. It is the beat of our day and the magic of our lives. It is our gift that continues to be unwrapped throughout our time here. Around every corner there’s potential for what I will call joy and this particular corner that I have turned, I surprisingly have found it wrapped in a nice, sweet chocolate candy bar package. This bar is silky smooth with a surprise at the end. It has the ability to melt in your mouth with a gush of flavor that leaves you in a wow state of mind. I can smile from the thought of it. I can dream thinking of it. I enjoy it so much that the entire flavor of it leaves my heart graving for more. I’ve been left to search for words that truly define the need to have it with me daily, yet none justify how deeply the desire for it is. Sadly this bar is not available in my town, but rest assured I will petition for it daily until it is obtainable just for me! Yup- All this for a sweet beautiful chocolate bar that surprised not only me, but has managed to steal my heart!

Let go

I love her and I wish I could shout it to the world but it's not meant to be so I have to let her go.

Not easy

Love is not easily obtained and sometimes it takes you coming out of yourself to
see it.

Mic

Music is my world. It uplifts me. It transforms me. It takes the world of my cares
away. It strengthens me. It brings a new me out. It heals me. It calms me. It
moves me (literally). It is needed in my life. It is my voice. It is me. All I
need is 1 mic!

Past Love

Her song is louder than a marching band. Her beauty reveals that there must be a
God. The thought of her causes stars to shine brighter. Her kiss is my dream.
Her eyes speak of love. The beat of her heart plays my jam. Her touch raises the
hair on my neck. Her embraces is what I need.

For Her

Its vibration creeps deep into the pores of your soul and forever changes you. The taste of it captures your thoughts and keeps you bound to its passion. The call of its scent whispers to your nose. Delight in its presence for it truly is a rare experience. The beat of its core can be heard in silence. Take your time and measure its beauty. Words can’t define it, nor can they describe it. It is elusive but obtainable when open to the gift it brings. “They write movies of this”. The sway of its essence causes unimaginable pleasure even from a distance. Its dance grabs your rhythm and changes your vibe. Can you feel it? Can you taste it? Can you touch it? Would you keep it if you could? Its distance brings worlds together. “No mountain to high. No river too wide” to keep it away from itself. It draws closer when mirrored unto itself. Nothing, I mean nothing can detour its arrival. Time stands still for it. Silence speaks to it and it speaks silent nothings to its beneficiary. It’s confident in its presence and stands the test of time. Can you feel it? Can you illustrate it now? I like to its everything, – LOVE. Rest in it.

Life's Book

life has its very unique book, filled with chapters of experiences; some good, some bad and some are just that - some. Be excited and moved by it all, for it defines the essence of who we become. When you read this book, understand that you need to slow down and inhale all of its pages and learn from them. Some you may want to turn back and read again but do not dwell there. Instead, turn the page in expectation of what is still yet to come. Be moved in your movement because this my friend is LIFE and it's filled with many great blessings. See how far your chapter takes you!

Have you seen her?

Have you seen her? Na, you couldn’t have seen her or you wouldn’t be the same. Your walk, talk and experience wouldn’t allow you to remain the same if you’ve witnessed her. Her beautifully brown painted skin would’ve left you craving more. Her wonderful full lips would’ve had you begging for more words. Her frame would’ve had you changing professions. Na, you didn’t see who I saw. Her intelligence would call you into reference. Her cares would’ve left you in delight. Her smile would’ve changed your vision. Heck if you talked to her you’re thoughts would be transformed. You sure you saw the same woman? If you did you’d know that God exists because only He could’ve created such exquisiteness. Her laugh would’ve had you looking for angels. Her saunter would have your world stopped. Ok, so did she touch you; because through her hug you’d be made whole? Her presence would’ve changed your perception. Her scent would’ve called for passion. Her eyes, hair, skin, lips, nose, teeth, hands, ears and the rest of her body would’ve had you thinking artistically. Yeah, naaaa you couldn’t have seen the woman I saw… cause that sweet black woman got me all shook up.

Mama didn't hold me long enough

Mama didn’t hold me long enough. Mama didn’t hold me like an angels star. Let loose to the wind I was blown from this to that. Often landing in places that sucked the fruit from my nectar. Forever drifting in this sea of the world that is filled with pain, dirt, hurt, sex, lies and broken promises. There I would find myself lying in the cracks of life: desperate. There I was hiding, tucked away in the corner trying not to be noticed. Trying not to be stepped on and crushed. So I developed an outer shell; one that would protect me from breaking. Only, my shell would become heartless, careless and destructive to any that came across it. Sad to say but I didn’t even know my shell of protectiveness was not only harming others but it was destroying me internally. You see mama didn’t hold me long enough to teach me the protections I’d need to defend myself. Defend myself from the destructive nature of me. You see all my joy, happiness, pleasure, peace and love were all gifts giving to me from my Father, but the natural would seek to claim all that is good and have it return void onto me. So now, this…this shell of mine that I can no longer see through and recognize the reflection of myself has changed me. Erased are the joys of my past. They lay tucked away in corners of my resting places. No mama didn’t hold me long enough, but mama held me long enough that I may break this shell to reclaim that which was lost, so that now I may see. Return to those dark corners and collect what is mine and my Fathers’. Loose the chains of my mind to reclaim my angels star. Mama didn’t hold me long enough, but my Father did and He has come with me to recover all that was taken!

My name is Jade

You ever get the worst news giving to you through a text message? An era has ended that once captured the imagination of so many. It was seemingly a pure and innocent time in my past that allowed for moments of bliss and joy. Though life would get in the way of promise, and provided circumstance would lead to the inevitable collapse of what once was promised between two individuals, no one would have expected it to come to a conclusion in the form that it did. While I was by no means owed anything by anyone, I still failed to realize that I could be ripped apart by the exclusion of the knowledge that a bomb was soon to go off, right in the center of my ground zero; my heart. There are many famous quotes from many famous people and many great movies…”We hold these truths to be evident that all men are created equal”…”One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”…”Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country”…”Truth, you want the truth? You can’t handle the truth”. All of which will live forever in people’s memory that know them and now I too shall have words that will forever live with me. “Jade, I got married to Cory this weekend.” And that was the start of my new life. My name is Jade!

Sarah

Sarah, if there is one thing that I am certain of, it is that your mother loved you from the moment you were created. I can feel, see and hear her in everything you do. I cannot explain it Sarah, it’s something that only angels process; you and mommy are the only people I have ever met that can change any circumstance no matter the task, difficulty, involvement, pressure or need. So baby girl I know there is nothing that is beyond your scoop. You have taught me to believe in and through things like nothing I have ever witnessed. (From dad)
With that I took to the sidelines determined to see things through the eyes of certainty.

I believe that we are all gifted in some form or another and many of us need a little push to pull out that gift, but when it is realized there is nothing that neither can nor will hold us back. My high school teachers you probably laugh to hear me say that…
Sarah, Sarah… Wake up young lady (teacher).
Ah, my freshmen year of high school. Just like many of the other insecure kids that attended our school I was sort of an outcast. I guess you could say that I was missing something I never had but had all the while. Yeah I know it doesn’t make much sense, but in time it will. Jason, Gabby and Mike were my best friends. We’d known each other sense we were toddlers. After my mom died people never wanted to leave my dad alone with me (for whatever reason), so the neighbors would make it a point to stop by for dinners, check-ups and random visits and they would bring their children along as well; which is how I met Jason, Gabby and Mike.
Mike’s father died when Mike was 7 so he sort of became the “pack leader” at his home. Like me he had no siblings. It was just he and his mom. So when his dad passed, he sort of started taking care of his mom which made him into the young responsible, protector teenage man that he is today. He has always looked out for me as well; never letting anyone or anything harm me.
Gabby and Jason are brother and sister. They live across the street from, in a loving home with both parents. I always liked it when their family would come over to visit because seeing them made see something normal.
Well that’s the “gang”. Me, Mike, Jason and Gabby.

My name is Sarah

My name is Sarah and I haven’t been born yet, but I am destined for greatness. I will be born on Feb. 3rd at 3:34am. My dads name is John and he loves to play the guitar and sing to me. I haven’t figured out how he does it, but his songs match’s my mother’s heart rhythms. My mother…. Ah how tender, patient, caring and loving she is. I listen as she talks to my dad and other family members, but when it’s just her and I, she’s different… She likes to sit under the stars and talk to me while rubbing her tummy. (Giggle) I like when she does that, it’s the only time I stick my feet out (giggle). My mom and dad always tell me that I am special and that I will be a gift to the world. I’m not sure what they mean by that, but I love to listen as they tell me their dreams of me.
My father is a high school football coach and my mom is nurse. What a pair they make. They say they are saving lives through mentorship and medicine.
I am not sure how to start the next part of this story, because it is about the beginning and the end of something near and dear to me. I guess I will start with the day my mother came home from work (Feb. 2nd). I remember her crying alone on the porch about something that happened at work. I could hear the tears falling as they left her chin. I’d never heard mom cry before but I knew I did not like it. Daddy, daddy, help, mommies crying, I shouted over and over again. Suddenly my mother screamed for”John”! Right then I knew something was wrong. Dad came running to the door, “What’s wrong” he asked. “I think I am going into labor, my water just burst” mom replied. In a flash bright lights surrounded me and my world was changed forever. I did not know what was going on and it was quite a harrowing experience. Then a soft familiar voice crept through all the other sounds. It was my dad whispering to my mom. He said, “Sarah, you are my rock and I have loved you from the moment you laughed at that silly first joke I told you. You are so beautiful”….”As are you, and you have always been my dream..I love” …….those was the last words my father and I would ever hear from my mother.

Jade

And still I wonder. And still I think. And still I know. And still I am. I am that young teen, young adult who’s mind and dreams of visions take president over some realities. And so I wonder what spark may be lit to bring chaos into my circle. Alone I stand with many whose heart beats that of a lion. Silently I’m thinking king of the mother fucking world and I wish a Negro would, but all the while knowing that this mentality is that of a caged man’s world. Ambiguous defines my thoughts, desires, passions and lively aspirations, but in this place it must lie dormant for fear of its dominance of others. Is this confident? Is this egotistical? Is this cocky? Is this real or fake? If I said past is my present, would you know what I mean? Fear may grip you if you heard my stories, but harmless has a puppy I am – there still rest and awaits the bite of sweet nectar whose taste stays a lifetime. Probably trying to figure out what the hell is being spoken right now; that is unless you are blowed out of your mind, which if that is the case these words are probably doing a rain dance on your brain. So you ask the question, who am I. I am Jade!

Fair

What is fair? What is acceptance? I ponder these things tonight as I sit in this room alone. I have often needed or felt the need to be accepted, even though I’ve never been any but accepted. This thirst for fairness can affect every aspect of a person’s life and the very actions he or she may take in this walk of life. Make no mistake that the soil from which we arrive and grow in will play a major role in all orders of our lives. We must have fertile ground if we are to grow. This applies even if our start began in soiled land. It is fair that we look back on past events that laid the foundation to our make-up, but we must accept what we see in doing so, and look forward to fresh starts. It is ok and fair to want and need acceptance of fresh things. Seek these things as you walk, and perhaps more important, share all the knowledge that you gain from this walk of acceptance. Neither we, nor I can change past dealings, and we are to be careful not to remain there with them. It is fair that we accept those things and move forward to better ideals and all that’s promised to us all.

Prince

I close my day out and lay down to rest and watch t.v. Only I’m compelled by what surrounds me. I rest under fabrics fit for a prince, with Egyptian rare shades at the windows. A table at my feet, with a bronze lamp of a man holding an umbrella. White lilies drape over the edges of the table. At my head rest another lamp of a warrior in battle. Starring down at me rests a white tiger on the wall. At this moment I realize all that has been given to me and the need to acknowledge that screamed at me to write this. I often start writing and don’t know where it will end up, but I know these words serve some purpose in some way or another. What I hear is that God telling me that He needs to find another way to get my attention. I hear that I am valuable and that the knowledge that I possess is great and needed. The white tiger that stares at me, says I am with you always. I am your protector. The man with the umbrella seems to be saying, I will cover you. The warrior represents the conflict inside my head and soul. With all that surrounds me, I am not deserving of it. Yet here I am; resting in things fit for a prince.

JOY

Sometimes you can spend a lifetime running in darkness. You can lose your way and not know it. Seemingly you can be out of place, even as you are IN PLACE. Sometimes you can drift with the endless counting of watching the blades of a ceiling fan go round and round. A brief memory of things once enjoyed may creep in a time or two, but it doesn't sustain you. This can transform you ways that are unrecoverable if not careful. With each day that passes, stop and remember the good of the day. Bring light into your eyes every chance you get. Hold fast to all good things and find love in them. Delight in the good, for it saves many things. Trust in what you know to be real, and not what others try to make real. LIVE LIFE JOYFULLY!