Congratulations

I wish I could say congratulations I don't know how to feel just yet. I mean, I've given myself to you in ways that I thought you'd like. I've done things that I never thought I do for someone. I laughed with you and listened to your thoughts about what you did and did not like about xy and z. I know there were no promises but deep down I'd been choosing you. There were days I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the person starring back at me. My life has been on hold while I waited for you. I thought you saw me, but now I see even I was blind. As I watch you pack your things, I found myself overwhelmed with emotion as I reflected over the last 5 years we've spent together. I'm so full of despair that I'm empty. I still smile for you in a pretense joy that you seek of me. I could see the excitement in your movement, before you whispered those words. "We're having a baby. My wife is pregnant." I loved you so much that all I could do was smile and remain silent but inside it was as if my bones were literally breaking. I guess I always knew there was a possibility that you'd choose her over me....I mean duh, you did marry her before meeting me. So silly of me to dream of a 'you and I', but I believed you when you said, "I'm going to tell her soon". So now, as I watch you walk down the hall for the last time, with all your bags, I wish I could say congratulations, but for the first time in 5 years I thought about her. I thought about all the lies you must've told her. I thought about the possibility that maybe I wasn't the only other woman. I thought about the pain she'd feel if she ever knew who you were. It was then that I knew that I couldn't let you just walk away and continue to bring harm to people in your path. It was then that I decided to.......... Want more??

Colorful

She is a giant amongst the circle of women around her. She simply stood apart from all others and you knew she was a force to be reckoned with. She was covered, yet her beauty was still seen to the naked eye and her value was nothing the earth could offer of equal value. Nations found themselves chasing her essence and many even tried to steal what could never be replaced. When she spoke, all souls listened and followed her. She carried the voice of command, sometimes without saying a word. To call her beautiful is simply doing her a disservice. She teaches all of man how to honor, keep, venerate and grow in a love that’s rarely seen. She pulls the best of those flavored to be in the pot of joy she stews. She is life’s finest exquisite creation ever to walk this earth. She is hysteria that many cannot control in her presence. Every sway of her gape leaves whispers of, ‘wow’ from those that witness her movements. Webster himself formed the word ‘classic’ with her in mind. She is what inspired the words of which you read. She is my radiant, strong, smart, superb statuesque black woman. I love you and I value each of you fully

MMM

MMM Music is my muse I escape from all pain and thoughts I am free from disappointment I rock to the rhythm of all the life that dwells in the beat of every melody I vibe to the waves that pound my drums with delight It is a gift unlike any other The lyrics pour in and refresh my soul I am connected to it I need it I breathe it My dance creates a space that has never been witnessed before I get so lost in it I lose my way And I love it It’s my ocean of the very unknown It’s my healer and my peace You probably don’t understand because Music is my muse

Wanna Hear More?

As she was his forbidden fruit, so too was he for her. Shackled by circumstance, they're passion was embedded in lost hopes. With every passing day, a desire to forget engulfed the two. Yet still the seed pitted deep in the center of their life bringing essences called and pulled at them. One wanting the other, and the other needing a windows breeze to quench the flavorful wetness that left sheets stained. When the other closed an eye, there the other stood. The two had an unmistakable appetite for each other. She found herself adrift in his fine, smooth, chiseled dark skin. She couldn't escape the thought of him standing in the frame of her door nude. Fresh from the steam filled bath, his towel had fallen and he was in no hurry to recover it... And he found himself looking into her eyes with a passion neither of them were ready for. Life fully rushed through his body and provided the appropriate tool that was needed for these types of situations... She found herself drowning with the need to taste the passion of the fruit that he ever so gently offered her... He didn't rush in, but rather touched every inch of her, without making contact. His lips carefully kissed the perfect imperfection on her face. He slowly embraced her and whispered words that not even I as the writer of this could recapture... In disbelief that he'd noticed her fully, she freed her thoughts, mind body and spirit and the two became one... Wanna know more?

RED

Her smile caught me off guard and made way to break free the chains that kept me bound. With locked lips I couldn’t express what my mind was potently telling me. I couldn’t tell her about the marvelous gift she bestowed unto me (which was still left wrapped). I wanted to whisper, shout, express, heck I don’t know. I’d seen her pass my window for quite some time, but that day…that day was just different. Let me paint the beautiful Picasso whom walked pass me with a smile that carries my freedom. 8:13am I’m sitting in my office. My hands are folded behind my head and my feet are kicked up on my desk. V103 is playing on my office radio. Chris Brown “No BS” (clean version of course) is playing and I’m bobbing my head, dancing in my chair. Chris sings the part that says, ooohhhhhh…just as she walks past my office windows. I swear it was the slowest walk a person could’ve walked past someone’s office. Black boots with those long heels, red dress, black shoulder length hair, slight rouge brushed on her cheeks and no purse. Just all WOMAN! She stepped to Chris’ rhythmatic beat as if she was rocking to the song too. I suffered inside to catch my breath, as she was absolutely stealing my air and causing my heart to sputter. By the time she’d made it to the door, tiny beads of perspiration ran from my hairline. She slowly (at least in my head) slid her right hand up the frame of the door until it came to rest, outstretched over her head. Her left hand perched on her hip. Her left foot pointed downward. There she stood…I can’t paint, but she was a priceless work of art. “David, did you hear me! David?” “Oh I’m sorry Red…I mean Hope” Perhaps, she noticed the lost glare I’d found myself lost in as she walked. Perhaps she felt my thoughts. Perhaps she noticed she had me entranced in her gaze. Perhaps she realized the song playing was my desire with her. Shoot, I don’t know! Perhaps she consummated that I’d unraveled every inch of her. Maybe she perceived I needed her key to free me. Whatever it was, she obliged all 1,375,671 thoughts I let escape me. She smile…stepped into my office…reached back and pulled the door shut. Then turned to close each blind that hung from my windows. I was lost, but knew exactly where I was (and I’m not talking about the office). Instantly, my body grew with every beat of my heart. My senses were heightened and I could feel her before she turned back around to face me. I’d watched her take a hold of the rod to close each blind and my mind wondered. My eyes followed every inch of this spectacular vision of something beyond beautiful. Her hair graced the mid of her back, and her back flowed ever so nicely downward. The dip of her back seemingly transformed into this nice, round, wondrous mound that made my mouth drop! A slight slit gave way to the curvature of her fabulous legs. This woman had it! She had it all! Shoot, she had me! She turned and said, “David… you like what you see?” You wanna hear more?

Her Gift

Softly she was carried into my world. She was a swift summer breeze that made it's way into my heart. I don't know if I was looking and she found me, or if she was simply meant to make her way into my direction. Either way I'm glad that she did. That's the thing about existing, one can never truly know what lays ahead. We may predict that which goes up must come down but shall it land? I tossed my heart up and it landed in the palm of hand. She's free to do with it as she sees fit. Haunted by the many stars that dance the nights sky... She dances with a whole new rhythm that I've never heard...and I like it. She's seduction itself and has me wishing upon a star. So do I take her by the waist and pull her close, look into her eyes and express the new beat my heart rocks too? Do I express to this wind that I want our bodies so close that you can't tell where her skin begins and where mine end? Do I run my fingers through her hair while caressing the small of her back, while my gently wet lips kiss her softly at the base of her neck? Do I face her and let her her feel the throbbing passion that's growing between my legs? When she feels the 'pressing issue' below, do I reach down and firmly grab her ass cheeks and pull her up so that her legs wrap around me? Do I allow her arms to wrap around my neck, or do I lean back and whisper, 'no! Put em in the air!' while I carry her to the kitchen? Do I play in the small puddle between her legs? I'm thinking I should have her lean back onto one hand and have her put the other one on her propped up knee, while the other leg dangles off the counters edge. Yea, I like that!!! Do I leave her there as I go to the frig? NO!! I think I'll keep my left hand firmly grasping her calf as my right hand reaches behind me to grab the 1st thing my finger tips find in the box---yes!!!...chocolate syrup...yes!!! Should I pour it upon her inner thigh? Not yet. First let me reach back for an ice cube to rub across the gape of her neck until it starts to melt down her beautiful body. Should I chase where it flows across her breast? Yea I think so...well at least the left nipple. Is it time for that syrup? Oh hell yea!!! It's time to lay back while I dip you into a whole new waterfall of chocolate. I'm thinking that I should set restrictions on how to clean up the mess we're making....as I drip syrup all up and down your body, paying special attention to your neck, nibbles, breast...yea I separated nipples from breast......I'll show you why in a second. Then I leave drops across your stomach, which leads down to your pouncing clit, where I pay special attennnn....fuck it, I can't control myself any longer and I dive in head first. I pay really good attention to where the syrup has dripped, licking every itch of the canvas that has been painted brown. It has fallen into places that require your body to be shifted with your legs in the air. My tongue grows more and more excited......to be continued :)

You Better Know

If you seek me and I’m not there… Keep looking!!! If you feel lost… Remember me!!! When you’re down… Feel me carry you!!! If there’s distance between us… Pull me closer!!! If there’s silence amid us… Scream!!! If you wake and reach for me and I am not found… Search for me!!! If your mirror speaks negativity… Remember my words spoken through my eyes!!! When it seems impossible… There is nothing…I do mean nothing that’s impossible!!!

2:15

Our son was born May 12, 2001. He came into the world 7lbs, 2oz with a head full of hair. He was soooo tiny. I can still feel that moment when I first laid eyes on him. My husband Mark was the first person to hold him. I pause even as I write this because as I reflect on all the moments of my son’s birth there are so many things that bring joy to my heart. It’s kind of funny reminiscing about my son in Marks arms. It looked like he was holding an animal or something, because when I say my son had hair, I mean, he had a full head of hair, and my husband had been bald since his early 20’s (he was 33 on our sons birthday), and I definitely am not hairy. Heck, as a matter of fact I think I’ve only had to shave my underarms only 3 times in my 44 years of life and one of those times was just because my silly teenage self, wanted to try it after seeing my older sister Jessica do it. OMG, I’m sorry, I just realized that I haven’t introduced myself; my name is Paige and OMG again, I haven’t told you my sons name; Joel. Joel is his name. Now it’s not pronounced the way you may think, it’s actually pronounced ‘Jo-el’. Now you’re probably thinking, ‘now why didn’t they spell that baby’s name right, well blame my husband Mark for that. For those that don’t know, when a woman is giving birth, she is usually medicated…which I was…and after the birth, some women are still medicated up….and I was…..soooooo when it came time to fill out certain forms, Mark, my wonderful husband filled out some of those forms and welllllll Mark wasn’t the best speller so he went with…and I quote – “The way I thought it was spelled”. I love that man, and he’s going to kill me for writing about that, but I’ll find a way to make it up to him. I’m trying to remember the moment we left the hospital but I’m having a problem remembering it, because all my mind can focus on his seeing my husband pulling up to the curb in that god ugly minivan. I hated that thing! I just remember sitting in the hospital wheelchair at the ‘baby curb’ with the nurse standing behind me holding the wheelchair as I set there holding Joel. My husband knew I hated that van, but he was so cute that day. He was fumbling all over the place as he checked to make sure the baby seat was secure. He carefully reached into my arms to grab the baby and put him in the car seat and kissed Joel on the cheek. Then he turned to me and helped me into the van. He carefully made sure I was comfortable before shutting the door, then leaned in and kissed my forehead. He was just a big ball of joy. He even gave the nurse whom wheeled me down a hug. Wow, he was so excited that it made me feel so loved and joyful. He jumped into the driver seat and started feeling around for his keys to the van and started to panic when he couldn’t find them. I reached over and touched his right hand and said, ‘Baby the van is on. The keys are in the ignition already’. He didn’t know what to say or do, and all I could do was say, ‘I love you babe’. We’d finally made it home. What a long journey we’d been through. 9 months I’d been carrying our child. Mark had always wanted a baby boy, but I never really had a preference. I just wanted a healthy baby when the time came for us to conceive. Throughout my pregnancy I never had those weird cravings. I’d never had those ruff nights. I didn’t have morning sickness. I just didn’t have that typical pregnancy that you see on TV. We made all of our doctors’ visits and I started prenatal care and vitamins before we even knew I was with child. I just figured that since we were trying, I may as well start taking them. I remember being so grateful that I wasn’t experiencing all the issues that many women go through, but at the same time I kind of felt cheated because I didn’t know if I was missing the true experience of being pregnant. I guess that was the only real ‘pregnant’ experience I had, paranoia. I just felt like something was off. But throughout, every doctors visit was great, but there was always feeling of something’s wrong. I couldn’t put my finger on it, so I stopped trying to find something to point too. So there we were, Mark and I standing over Joel in his crib watching him rest. The room was a light purple with a yellow rocking chair off in the corner. A dark wood changing station was right next to the crib. There was a silver diaper trash can to the left of the crib. Behind us was a bookshelf that we’d turned into a towel/diaper/baby books/pic holder and whatever else we could find to make it a baby room. In the middle of wall, separating the windows was a black and white clock. 2:15…2:15…2:15, I’ll never forget the moment when I was hit with a ton of bricks. All of the concerns I’d had during pregnancy were suddenly clear to me. At 2:15 I realized that I hadn’t heard my baby’s voice. Even though I’d been on medication at the hospital, I couldn’t remember hearing his first cry. I’d held him several times by now, but he hadn’t made a sound. 2:15…2:15…2:15

My Name is Jade

Who really go the heart for this life? While my heart beats, it’s a very silent rhythm. Man I swear there isn’t one decent person walking this earth. Everyone is out to get something or something else. If it’s not ass, then it’s money. If it’s not those then it’s fame. If not fame, then it’s power, and so-on-and-so-on. Everyone has their means of obtaining what they’re seeking and if you look close enough you’ll see it. All the lies, betrayals, selfishness, grimy and so many other things are right there in your face! Yeah some things are clearer than others but look…it’s there. Now sure you’d be hard pressed to see my moves, but that’s because I’ve learned from previous mistakes. Fuck I look like getting caught doing something stupid? Especially when there are so many stupid motherfuckers out there that would love to ‘step up’ and prove themselves and do shit for you. It’s funny how respect is obtained in some circles. I love me some movies and I’ve always loved gangster movies or mob movies. I just liked how respect was clear and never had to be spoken. Every mob/gangster movie I’ve seen, had at some point pointed out someone’s rise in the rankings and mine was no different. I’ve written about a few things already, so you know a little about the background that made me into who I became, but let me tell you about this young individual that was looking to get ‘noticed’. We called him Black Snoop. I really don’t know how this lil nigga ended up with us, but somehow there he was pulling my left arm back, tugging me off of someone. In the mist of pure chaos this lil nigga established himself by looking out for me. Wow, it’s funny writing this shit cause I look back and think just how lucky I’ve been to survive a lot of this mess. So one of my home girls invited me to her little cookout/pool party. Now I’ve never really been a huge partier but as you know I do get out there from time-to-time, so I showed up. I like to do my own things at times, so I went alone. Man, this party was packed. Everyone was having a good time and the smell of weed could be smelled a block away. The music was blazing, lol, shit I even remember the song that was playing when the fight broke out; damn Will Smith’s summertime… anyway, so I made my way over to my home girl Keisha and gave her a kiss on the cheek and whispered ‘Damn ma, you looking good. This mug is packed’. Yea we were fucking, but I was there solo and chilling. I made my way over to a cooler and reached down to grab a Corona. I’m getting dapped up and high fiving everyone. Gang signs everywhere, and all was good. One of my home boys Black Pete was dee-jaying, so I dapped him up and hollered at him for minute, but as you know there’s always a too drunk nigga that’ll fuck shit up and of course here he comes fucking shit up by bumping into the D-J table causing the music to skip. Now keep in mind, this is back when D-J’s used turn tables, so bumping a table fucked up the vibe. Black Pete gets on the mic and says, ‘Yo somebody come get this nigga please. He fucking up my shit.’ Dude hears that and takes a swing at my boy Pete, and I’m like what the fuck! He misses Pete but now his body his falling all over the table, so of course the music stops and everyone is looking like what’s going on. I’m thinking this fool is going to stand up and calm down but of course he doesn’t. Dude starts talking mad shit to Pete and I’m just standing there off to the side. Dude never sees me, but I’m getting pissed cause I see Keisha trying to get over here to see what’s going on and I’m thinking, man damn here we go again and not to mention, Pete is my home boy, so I say, “Come on dude”. Then the nigga turns to me and says, ‘Fuck you’, and I snap and swing my bottle of Corona at the idiots head and it knocks his ass out. Of course all you here is the moans for the spectators. I’m all in now, cause I’m beating the shit out of dude now and Pete slamming his cases of records on the nigga’s head. Next thing I know someone is pulling my left arm saying, ‘let’s go, let’s go’. That nigga was strong too cause I couldn’t get no more hits with my hands, but I remember kicking buddy all in the ribs as I’m being pulled off of him. By the time I’m finally completely off of dude I turn to see who’s pulling me and I don’t know the nigga pulling me so I push his ass away and he’s like, ‘Naw, popo on they way, let’s go!’ Shit, I came to my senses and we ran the fuck up out of there. Ended up in this nigga’s car hauling ass up out of there. Dude starts asking me what happened and this-and-that and I’m like nigga who are you. He’s like we went to the same school and I’m like huh, elementary school??? Who the fuck remembers that shit. Man at that point, I’m just trying to get as far away from that pool party as possible. Once my heart settles and things are calmed, I’m like thanks dog, and he says “No prob big homie, I’m Ty”. Black Ty and myself would end up having so many stories to tell later in life, but that was his come up moment and many ways it was mine too because it would tie in to other things later down the line. But, later I’d learn that Ty was waiting on a chance encounter to get into this game and he found it that night. Man, that nigga that got his ass beat was one stupid motherfucker!!! I wonder if he ever looked back at that night like what the hell was I thinking! This is my life and my name is JADE

My Fear

My fear is that I become so immune to hurt that nothing hurts me. It’s get a little old pretending to be ‘ok’. Sometimes I’m not ok. Sometimes I’m hurt and sometimes I want someone to recognize that I am and go above and beyond for me to make it better. Geez, I’ve read so many things about those that keep or have a tuff skin, and while I know I do, sometimes having such a skin is fucked up! I bury things deep some times and it slowly changes me in different ways. I know it’s something that’ll be a part of me, but man sometimes I want someone to grab a shovel and dig and not cause more things to just be buried alive. Behind these smiles are rivers of tears that’ll never flow free…. Yea that’s my fear.

Daddy Held Me First

Daddy held me first Daddy carried me first I’ve been with him from his very creation At all cost he, protected me And even at the slightest hint of harm to me, he’d clench up for protection I had many brothers and sisters, yet I’m the only one of us too ever see light My daddy gave me strength and determination, which I needed for my journey I pressed, pulled, fought and swam my way to become who I am today It’s my daddy’s DNA that gives me this color, these eyes, and even the hairs on my body It’s my daddy’s DNA that gives me my voice, my walk and even my height My daddy has given me so many things, all of which I am thankful for But most of all I am thankful that my Daddy held me first

Excuse Me Mama

Excuse me mama Mama, what’s wrong? Why are you so mad? Mama, are you crying? I think all daddy wanted to do is see me Is that wrong? Do you not want me to see daddy Mama, stop crying I’ll start not liking daddy too, if you it makes you happy Mama I’m sorry. I won’t tell you how much I love going with daddy anymore Mama, mama are you listening I promise Mama daddy always gives me hugs and kisses in stuff, but imma tell him to stop Are you crying cause I was on the phone with daddy Cause if so, I won’t do that anymore Excuse me mama, but are you listening to me???

Dreamer

What if I closed my eyes and allowed myself to drift into a space of tranquil peace? If I let everything, everyone and every care escape me, would I then be at a place of rest? Would all I, you and so many others find this to be a false sense of reality? If I found sustainment in that moment, would I return the same? Heck, would I even wish to return? Is it, or is that what abandonment is? If even through a glimpse of unobtainable space I find that calm that many seek, am I a lessor person? I mean, think about it for a second; from the moment bells ring and you no longer push the snooze, you’re chasing and end to what has just begun… – that is a real reality that most find themselves repeating over-and-over again. That typical clock chasing mentality that ends at the same place and the same time as it did the day before…Sooooo, I ask, if my daydream or my desire to escape this pattern is looked upon as a defeated mindset, how do I bring my dreams into my real days? If not for my imagination these words would never stick to the paper of which I write them on. If not for the peace of which I’ve never seen except through closed eyes, I could not ponder the ‘what if’s’ or the ‘how to’s’. Does my drifting lend to productivity or wastefulness? Oh, how this peace that I speak of has granted me such access to possibilities. I’m beginning to see that those things I seek must become my reality because they are what defines my dreams of hope.

There are so many tangible things that we will encounter in this journey of life but finding something worth holding on to, and working hard to keep it, and learning how to nourish its existence is where you find meaning in the experiences you encounter. Learning how to let go of all securities and dive into a sea of possibilities is where passion exist. Finding ways to breathe with no air, only living through corporeal proficiencies that give new life to your days, and warms the night’s cool breezes; can only be understood through looking beyond your sight and trusting in something more than what can be seen. When asked, ‘How do you know you love her/him’, it cannot be fully understood because it is a living thing that is forever changing and adapting to survive in its atmosphere and it will leave you with a response of, ‘I just do’. I live because I’m made to do so, and I love because I’m called to love her as living-loves-to- live. Most precious gifts are not fully appreciated because we lack the understanding of its true purpose. What a joy it is to comprehend a gift truly. A gift brings out the best in a thing, and the best things are never tangible. They are the things you carry with you internally, and they sustain you and feed you in ways you never imagined a need would be. So subtle are the tones that exist between us, and I’m anxiously awaiting our next note. How substantial you have become to me and yet still no finger could point to one exact thing that draws me to your well. Continue to pour over me, the fabric of you and I will catch it all…… Yeah I’m talking to you!

My Name is Jade

Aight, so you’ve read some stories from the past life I once led and you may be wondering where or what I’m up to now….. I’m not sure if I’m ready to reveal that just yet, but looking over all that you’ve read, where would you expect me to be? Look over what todays world has brought forth…. Nigga’s being nigga’s, but to some it may look like nigga’s are worse than they’ve ever been; I beg to differ on that. I don’t know, maybe it’s the world, time, atmosphere or people I came up with but I don’t think it’s the same today as it was back then. Lol, at ‘back then’, because it sounds like it’s been so long ago since the stories I tell are 50 years old or something. Everywhere there’s a club atmosphere or any gangster movie I see, or any hood I find myself in makes my blood thin and causes my heart to pound at a familiar beat and I find myself right back in a world of boss status. During movies I’m like the former general watching a military movie and noticing that nothing is current. Everything from the bars on captains shoulders and hearing people in the movie refer to them as lieutenants or something crazy, causes me simply shake my head. I can see or spot the authenticity in gangster movies from the first 10 minutes of it. I can spot a loud mouth idiot that’s certain to get dealt with before the movie ends. Almost every club scene or gang related viewing my eyes partake of, or real gangster movies reminds me of what these streets can and will bring. I’ve been asked by many, what dirt have I done in my life. Have you ever shot someone? You ever kill someone? How many kids you got? What happened to the money? Police ever try to get money from you? Where the hoes; you never really write about them? What are you up to now? How much time did you do? You ever been shot? Man I promise you all I be wanting to say is, ‘mind your motherfucking business pimpin’, but if you’ve been one that have asked me those questions you know my response is always upfront and honest. For those that read this and want to know the answers to the questions above, I’d ask that you simply read the stories of Jade and many of your questions will be answered. There’s so much more to come because the life I’ve lived, I’ve lived in a lifetime. Have you ever shot someone? Yes! It wasn’t expected. Even though I’ve carried a pistol since the age of 13 or so, I never expected to actually use. It’s weird because I never had a problem using it, I just never figured I would actually to it, you know? I mean I grew up with fundamentals. You didn’t pull a weapon unless you was going to use it. You didn’t threaten anyone with words like, ‘I’ll shot yo ass’, or ‘I’ll stab yo bitch ass’ unless you were going to attempt it! Plus I always had a way about me that made people respect me. I mean, I didn’t have to say much or do much cause people were just willing to handle dirt for me. Sure I took care of those around me, but to this day I have no idea what it was/is about me that makes people do some of the things they did/do. “Sooooo what or how did you end up shooting someone negro?” Hold on, im getting there! Remember me talking about the club scene? ……yea put a lil liquor in me and add some loud music with some damn near half naked females and 1 shout out by the DJ and ‘Jade’ becomes reborn into a almost totally different person. I can comprehend everything and remember details at a higher capacity in that state and the club becomes MINE (in my head), and I want everyone in the place to have the time of their life! I make my way all through the club; everywhere from the DJ booth, to the restroom to the front door welcoming people to the pleasure palace. The spot became my kingdom for the night and we were gonna have a time to remember! Every outing was always nice….except for this one time…. As you may already know, there’s always some idiot that’s bound to fuck shit up and of course that night ‘he’ would have to find his-self being the fool in my space…. Now here I am feeling good and having a great night out….VIP full of ass! My boyz feeling good. Smiles could’ve be seen from miles away if the walls fell. Everyone G’d up (dressed nice). Bottles poppin! Cigars lit! So there I was with 2 females under my arms headed back to VIP to introduce the new ‘horses’ I captured at the door. (side note – it’s funny writing this cause to this day, when I’m at a club, you will find me at that door at some point in the night lol). “A NIGGA, watch what the fuck you doing”…. Now I heard that and kept walking cause he couldn’t be talking to me, but as I said my senses are always heightened so 15% of me was on alert just in case something popped off with some idiots fighting each other in the place. So after dropping my ‘ponies’ off I kept it moving, as they were in good hands with my people. I noticed one of my brothers people chilling toward the rear of the club so I headed that way. Halfway to him, I hear the same voice I heard moments before saying, “I don’t care who the fuck that nigga is. I’ll bust a gap in his bitch ass”. Man I swear it was as if the music stopped and everyone was silent. I didn’t know who said it or who he was talking to so I turned in the direction I heard the words coming from. I locked eyes with this big dark skinned dude and I gave him the ‘what up my dude’ head shake and all I heard was, “Yeah nigga, I’m talking to you! Fuck around and get popped in the mouth and find yo ass in a ditch somewhere”. Stunned, I find myself pointing myself in my chest mouthing, “ME?” “YEAH YOU!” Now I’m in shock, but I remember every word he spit in anger at me and puzzled as I was I asked him, “Damn, you gone shoot me?” and before he could respond, there I was holding a smoking barrel of glock 9 and all I see are yellow timberlands, toes pointed to the ceiling and several of my people running toward me, pulling out the back door. I remember ‘Skip’ coming up the alley with only the fog lights glaring from the blacked out Yukon. “Get the fuck in nigga!” “What the fuck happened?” I still didn’t put it all together. I was in a state of ‘where we going? Why we leaving?’ I didn’t see it as anything wrong, because the level at which I was, no one was allowed to do what this nigga did and get away with it. I completely put it back on him and couldn’t comprehend why we had to leave the damn party! Man I think it was a couple of days afterward that I realized the magnitude of what I’d done. Sure it gave me street cred, but I didn’t need that shit…I had that already! I guess it did give everyone around me the comfort (man that seems crazy) to know that I’d always handle things as needed and they knew that if we rolled together, then we rolled as 1. Now I guess you’re wondering what happened to the dude I shot and truth is…… you’ll have to stay tuned…. This is my story and my name is Jade

Naked....Standing

Here I am standing naked as never before With my heart belonging to you Fear grips me like never before In defense mode my heart enters Constantly searching for escape routes to prevent hurt Find all of my fears painted over this canvas called ‘exposed being’ See who I am freely Watch as I remove the blanket of comfort from my soul Find me reaching for you, hoping that you’ll reach back Listen to the broken gifts left upon the roads I’ve traveled Look into the pit of my pupils and feel the endless voids that have claimed root there Even in as I’m falling and I’m yelling for you to catch me I’m behind the wheel but you are in complete control Exposed, open, yet completely covered in dark hope Here I am standing naked as never before As even completeness fills me, I hold on to potential emptiness Find me in a sea of wonders and give me peace Let this night turn into days and days into nights Even as distance grips our bodies, leave me a lifeline to grab hold of Hear my passion beating for you and dance in its rhythm Placing my all. My everything. My fiber. My heart. My mind. My body before you nake and I’m…. Standing Here

Live

if you knew that today was that day that your life were to change for the worst, what would you do? If you knew that your end was closer than you expected, what would travel through your mind? If that news you recieved  would not only affect you, but that it would affect others around you...what would that change? Would knowing that things were about to change drastically, would that mean you'd look at the people in your circle differently? Would they somehow mean more to you or less? Who would you want to be there in your corner holding your hand and telling you that no matter what, they'd be there with you every step of the way? Would you have regrets? Would you wonder what stones you left untouched? Who would you like to hear from? What places would you like to go? Would that place be your first visit? What would tomorrow mean to you and what Will you do different?

Lets Play Catch

I can recount memories and words that have been thrown that have been either caught or batted back at me. Look, take me as I am but know that I strive to be better and if that is not catching, then let the ball drop. Deliver the world at your doorstep is what I endeavor for, but I ask that you wipe your feet at the threshold. Think on that!

Seeping Deep

I am ready for what tomorrow will bring. I will face its challenges head on and I will trust in knowing the things that have been poured into me. I shall not worry of things I see, but know that truth comes in the form of faith. Oh ye of little faith shall not dwell in my thoughts, for I will walk in the knowledge that all things work together for those who love the lord. Even if adversity knocks, I will calm the seas and step out on faith and conviction on the word that directs my path. I pray that these words be given life through my eyes and whoever else may encounter them. Seep deep….deep