What's the dif between love and infatuation?

Today I Saw

You are alright in my book! Always and forever! Still the God in you. Today I watched you move a little closer to me. I felt the warmth of your openness escape the cares. I looked and saw a new smile and I heard a new laughter. I looked and saw a radiant glow bouncing from you. I listened and I heard your thoughts. I’m just glad that today existed for me. I’ve waited so long for today and I pray tomorrow I get to continue to see the God in you Tiffany.

Woke up feeling......... Glad I woke up!!!

Phophet

2 Numbers 12:6, "And he said, Hear now my words: If there be a prophet among you, I the LORD will make myself known unto him in a vision, and will speak unto him in a dream."

The true Prophet of the Lord will receive visions or dreams from the Lord

The Angel

So many times I’ve started typing this and erased it. Not because of disillusion or wavered thoughts, but rather I’ve expressed it so much that you may not believe the fact that I do. To me it is simple, yet it has been the most difficult journey I’ve ever had to make. To love without reciprocation is something I wish upon no man. How it must be to Christ whose love suffered all, yet even in His suffering He too is denied. I am by no means a comparison to Christ. It is that my eyes and heart have found a better understanding as to what it truly means to give of yourself without receiving in return. We never know the doors of which we will face, but I stand before each of them ready for whatever is in store behind them. If I could choose, I’d choose to have both of you in my arms, but sadly it is beyond my control. I love the both of you with all my heart and want nothing but the best for you. Well that’s it. This one is short and to the point, but just in case I lost you in it, all I’m trying to say is, Tiffany and Cheyenne I love you both!

My Name is Jade

I never wanted to be a boss, well sort of… I mean, I wanted people to know who I was in a way that they knew I was about business and someone you didn’t want to try and take advantage of, but I wanted that without the other things that come along with it; things like people knowing what kind of business I was the boss of. There is not a boss in this country, rather legit or not, that someone is not eying that man’s spot. Let’s face it, people are always willing to cut the man to take the man’s place. So how to you run things without ‘running’ things? Well unfortunately you kind of assign ‘fools’ to foolish assignments. When you are a shot caller there will always be someone willing to do foolish things to please you. It’s quite amazing when you think about it. Look, I’m not calling anyone foolish per say, but looking back on some things I’m dumbfounded at how willing people become when asked to do certain things.

I had the face and personality of the nice guy who was sincere and genuine. I was all of those things, but I just ran a different kind of business that was dangerous at times. I mean as I’ve stated, I’ve been shot and I’ve had many guns pulled on me. I should be dead, but that’s for another chapter coming later. I remember going to pick up some ‘work’ with a partner of mine and something told me to be on alert. I sort of blow the concern off because the person that we were going to see wasn’t anyone new, as we’d done business several times before. Only this time would prove to be different! We showed up with our usual amount of cash and asked for our usual ‘work’. Everything was going well, until our supplier made this comment which I’ll never forget because to this day I hate when someone asks this question and that is, “Is it all there, or do I need to count it?” Now you’re probably thinking, what’s the problem with that, but if you know me you know I wouldn’t short you on money and if I did I’d let you know in advance. So what in the hell would someone I’ve been ‘working’ with ask a question like that for? He didn’t know that that question would be the end of his ‘working’ relationship with me, but that was the last time he would be in a position to ask a question like that to me.

I knew that I needed to make some changes in the way ‘work’ was being conducted and the first change I needed to make was no longer seeking ‘work’ but I needed the ‘work’ to come to me. Now by this time, I’d been in the business for about 5 years or so and had made several connections with many people. Many of which I got work from. I looked at them as my boss’ or companies. While I wanted to have my own ‘company’, I didn’t necessarily want everything that came with it. Everyone one of my boss’ got to be boss’ because they had to go through many things to get there. Some of them had rap sheets 20 pages long. Some killed their way up. Some of them inherited their way up (if you can believe that). Now understand, I wasn’t afraid of jail but it wasn’t a place I was trying to get to like Miami or something and I knew that murder was a crime that does not have a statute of limitations so I wasn’t trying to go there unless absolutely needed. So what was I to do? I mean the time had come for me to get my own ‘company’. I had to start thinking like a boss. I mean, I carried myself like a boss already. The people I had around me followed my move and looked to me for answers and direction. Finally it hit me! The partner I took with me to make our pickup would need to do me a favor. It was a simple one though. All he had to do was trust me. I called him over to my house and told him that I wanted him to go make another pickup, but this time he was to go alone. Going to a pickup alone is never done. Of course he declined and after I told him what I wanted him to tell the ‘boss’, he damn near shit his pants. I told him that I wanted him to go to the ‘boss’ and make a pickup, and knowing that he’d be asked why he was alone, I told him to say, “You offended my man, and that’s a big no no”. Now you can imagine what must’ve been running through my partners head, but it was becoming my job to get him to buy into my plan. I knew the ‘boss’ would ask for a sit down, or at the very least come see me. I told my partner that he would have nothing to worry about because the ‘boss’ would be more interested in delivering a message back to me. I told him, he’ll be so pissed and ready to find me that he’ll send you back to me with a strong message. It took some coaching, but in-the-end he bought into my plan. Long story short, my plan went as expected and the ‘boss’ called a meeting with me. What I’d just done was extremely dangerous, so walking into this meeting; I truly had no idea if I’d be walking out of it, or carried out. Either way I was sticking to my plan. The plan was to………

This is my story and my name is Jade

The Challenge

Some of the greatest challenges are served at the moments you least expect. They are seconds that define you. They are the minutes that shape you. They are hours that build you. They are the days that leave an impression which lasts a lifetime. See those challenges as nothing more than living. Make the better decisions, that as you look back upon each moment you’ll know that you’d stand upon your foundation and know you’ve done a job well.

Faith Without Works

Without faith it is impossible to please to the Lord and it (faith) is something that we are to walk (move) in daily (always). It is also written that faith without works is dead. In other words you must trust in Him and trust in the directions He supplies. We must be actively seeking Him in all things that pertain to our lives. He has not given us sight for no reason, and that which He has given will have all its needs met through faith in knowing that He is control. We are not to sit under His order and not take action (move). We are to be builders of His kingdom through our works that have been assigned to us.

When we take a job, we know that there are directions that will need to be followed. We know that in order to keep that job we must do as expected even when sometimes we don’t agree with the directions being offered. Chances are the company that you work for has been in business awhile and knows what they’re doing. It is no different when it comes to His order over our lives. Do you not think that our creator knows what is best for us? He is the builder of all things and the creator of all life, so when He speaks a mandate over us, should we not listen!?!

The Final Bell

I know longer have a stake in this thing. I've gone to my corner to lick my wounds. I put in a good fight and hopefully I'll be judged fairly. I laid it all on the line in every round I fought. Sure my body is bruised and this has been an emotional strain, but blood in, blood out, I'd stand in that ring again. I don't need to stick around to hear what the announcement will be, because I'm already satisfied with the fact I came out of myself and pushed on, even when I didn't think I could. To my opponent, I have no comment, well maybe one, thank you. This is it, consider me retired!

If Ever

If ever there was a time, it would have to be now I'd think. I need you to use me as you've never done before. I need you because I'm losing need. Only you know what tomorrow will bring and I will not (try not too) worry about what is beyond my control, but I sorta need your clarity on some things. Thanks in advance Father

Deserving

Don’t be so blinded by the stars that you overlook the moon. All that is amongst you serves a purpose and many of which you know their intentions because you’ve heard or have seen them in the corners of your room. I call you room because you need it to grow and learn. Do not be so blinded by the beauty in ones words that you misplace their actions as ‘sweet’ nothings. All that you have witnessed defines your potential tomorrow. I call you room because it is there that you hear these things. Don’t be so blinded by the smiles that grace both you and their face that you twist the tears shed from the hurt bestowed unto you and make them forgotten pains. I call you room because it is there your knees bend in prayer. Don’t be so blinded in your quest to have that you miss the denial that has been mailed straight into your essence. I call you room because it is there that you find rest.

What I am trying to say is, find value in you, that you may know who you are and know all that you have to offer up. If anyone is not able to see your gifts as treasures then leave them in the sands as you sail away. You are deserving of both the stars and the moon!

Is It Foolish Too

It is foolish to chase after a taken heart. That is to say, unless you can sustain hurt, heartache, disappointment and confusion, I would recommend that no one undertake such a chase already being ran by another. However, we end up in places that often times are unexpected and must find ways to deal with the issues at hand. I learn new things every day and I learn quite a bit about love daily. I’ve learned what the world view of love is, but it has become fascinating to learn, or rather experience what love is from a Christ point of view. Sure we’ve heard what love is, it is kind, patient, love suffering and many other things that have been described in the book of Corinthians, but how many of us can truly say we have loved, or have been loved? I mean lets dissect this thing most of us are so passionate about for a moment. I don’t know, but in order to place love on a thing, you might have to be foolish in some things and open yourself up to being vulnerable to the things listed earlier. I ask can you truly be hurt if you do not care? Can you truly be confused, if your thoughts do not occupy that space? Love is free willed and is available to anyone that will accept it, but that also means love is given freely as well. So, what to do when you offer up love to something that is occupied by another’s love? Call me crazy, but it’s called foolish! However, and of course there is always an however… a space that is already occupied is incapable of another taking the same space. If I park my car on the street, there is no way another car can take the space my car is in until I move my car. The same can be said for the heart, if a heart is taken, there is no room for another…right? If so, wouldn’t that mean that the heart was never taken? Well, not necessarily. Because love has many forms and many meanings, it is capable of experiencing a portion of its power. I love analogies so I’ll try to give one now…. You ever go to the mall and look for a spot to park and see a car taking up two spaces, or one car parked in a space and another car overlaps that cars marked lines? Well that’s kind of how I’m viewing this love thing. Love has a balance and that balance prevents others from interrupting your space. In fact, when you are in balance others will not seek your space out, but rather find another to plant themselves in. I told you I’m learning this whole love thing and even as I write this, I’m learning. For those that are unbalanced and attracting the attention of others, even if it is attention that is not planned on being entertained, please know where your balance rest. Call me stupid, but the knowing of things gives you power to not be that fool, but rather it gives you the foresight to know where you stand in even given space. I may have gone around and about to answer the question asked at the beginning of this, but here is my answer, no it is not foolish to chase after a taken heart because it would be impossible to do so, because if that were taken, it would not be seen as a space to run in.

Purpose In All

There is nothing that happens by chance. Everything that has life is uniquely bound together and all supports that of another. Do not think that each moment does not dictate the next. It is that which is before us now that will reflect in the future of time spent. Life is intended to encourage us to know that there is purpose to our being. As trees have been given a task or assignment to spread life, so too are we set with such president. Our words are to be of life and how to experience it more abundantly. Understand that all that you are is not by chance, and is meant for good. Even in the error that may have been, there too can meaning be defined. Find the good in the errors and even the bad and I assure you that you will begin to find resolve in all things of life around you.

Relationship

Like broken glass, there laid the days of my hopes. They seemed to be starring back at me with little to say, yet the reflection became symbolic of the impossible feat before me. I couldn’t find once piece big enough to view the entirety and certainty that lay upon the floor. With every turn and cutting of the eye all I could see were shattered dazzling rays of light bouncing back at me. “What a mess”, I’d thought as I looked across the floor. Each piece, truly razor sharp, had once been bonded together to purposefully display all that was beautiful, was now jagged and dangerous. There were pieces spread out across the entire space. This glass was heavy and thick. It was meant to sustain moves, shifts and alterations to accent its charm. I’d stood in front of this piece several times and always walked away feeling confident, refreshed, ready and willing to face the days onslaughts. I’d gotten my readiness from the reflection which glanced back at me daily. The reflection was always ready. It knew that all that looked upon it was truly looking in the background and that the true beauty of hope, resided in forward vision on the other side of that glance. “What now?” I thought as I looked across the damaged disorder around me. I couldn’t help but think, “This will last?!?”, as I headed off to prepare to clean the mess up. “Where do I start? Should I pick up the big pieces first? Where am I going to put this without it causing other damage to something else?” So there I was gloves, socks and shoes cleaning up the broken pieces. I’d even put on a pair of protective glasses. I couldn’t help but think of all the times I’d paraded in front of this glass, barefoot, smiling and dancing with no cares. I remembered cleaning it by hand and now I found myself not wanting to touch it barehanded because I was afraid I’d be cut. As I swept the pile of glass into a mound, I shoved the dustpan underneath and scooped up the mountain of hope and threw it into the trash. After I’d finished cleaning up the broken pieces as best as I could, I mopped the space clean. I went over the entire area carefully as I knew that broken glass has a way of resting in places and it always finds a way to cut you. Once the floor was dry, I went into the space that was missing hope and felt an emptiness creep up beside me. Before I’d known it, a tear hit the corner of my shoe. It was then that realized just how much that piece of glass meant to me and I knew replacing it with another would not be the same. “Such as life. Such as life”, I uttered as I turned and walked away…

ok um bump all this lovely dovey postings shoot. I'm gonna take a break until i can come with some hard ish. lol...js.....

Shhhhhhhhh

I look into the presence of you and find comfort, yet it has to be pretended away. I find beauty in your eyes but I must keep expressions to a minimum. I rest in your closeness but brakes must be applied before reaching the bridge that leads to the other side. I look for ways to win you yet I must down play the measures I’d go to achieve victory. I am always urged to pull you close but I have to keep a certain distance. I have pet names that define your meaning to me yet I must deny the very things that define you to me. I want to pray with you but I must leave that to my quiet moments alone. I want to offer you all that I am but I must find complacency in the little that is accepted. I want to dream big with you yet I ask that those dreams not be given a night’s screen. I want to suit up in full knights’ armor to aid in all your victories but I must stay in the background. I see much in you yet I must stifle my vision. I see the value in you yet I must ignore its ‘cents’.

I’m not ashamed nor afraid to shine in your shadows, as I find comfort in all of you. Through stubbornness, impatience, coldness, bluntness, or hushed feelings I will move in your background until the moment I am called into the light of your desire. I am or shall I say I desire to be the wind at your back and under your feet that pushes you and carries you when those moments of need approach. Even as the ‘I love you’s’ fade from the drums of your ears, or the ‘baby’s’ cease to be spoken, they shall be whispered in the darkened corners of days. As beautiful as I think you are, as smart as I know you are, as kind as I know you are, as wise as I know you are, as all that is good as I know that is in you, as loving as I see you are, as alllll that I know that destiny has written over you I will always remain excited to spend moments with you. No matter what capacities those moments are shared, I’ll enjoy them because I find comfort in the presence of you and I see God in your eyes. I love you – shhhhhh…………….

Been in a writers block for a lil while now...wth!!!

Dark

In a rare place right now….shoot this isn’t rare, this is somewhere I’ve never been and frankly it’s scary shoot. Usually I can see the light and therefore know the turns up ahead, but this tunnel is completely dark! Man someone through me a flash light please. I’m feeling my way throw by letting my fingers glide along the walls but my footing feels loose.

As You Rest

As you rest next to me in peace, I smile at all the moments, conversations and thoughts that went into getting you here. I reflect on the times where hope was lost and I wonder just how far I could carry you and you I. I marvel at how much your smile delights me. I even wonder why your laughter injects stings of joy in my life. As you rest… I think of how much, how far I’d go/do to have you rest in this peace for good. There’s a saying that says you should be willing to climb a mountain of ‘No’s’ to get 1 yes and boy I have to say I’m still climbing that mountain, but with each ‘yes’ I find, I find more to be grateful of and I store it for safe keeping and lean on them as I swim upstream through all the no’s, never’s and no ways. As you rest I understand that the impossible is never that, instead there are no limitations on possibilities, only the ones you place on possible. As you sleep I can’t help but wonder what your dreams are. I can’t help but wonder if you’re happy. I can’t help but think of your beautiful smooth, chocolate brown skin. I smile even now at dimple that graces your smiles. As you sleep I reach over to kiss your ever so kissable lips (smiling even now). As much as God would allow, I would appreciate this gift that rests next to me for as long as I’m allowed too. As you rest in still peace with an occasional ‘jump’ I think of moments where the sun dances upon us as you walk next to me and lean on my dreams and allow them to carry us into the set of our sunset. I think of you and know that nothing prayed for is ever forgotten or unheard. As you rest, at this moment I don’t have you, but tomorrow is tomorrows minutes to claim and just as the second hand chases after the moments to come, I too shall continue the chase that moments give. As you rest I pray over you. As you rest I charged the angels charged over you to protect you and keep you safe always. As you rest I still find rhythm in the shared heartbeats between us. As you rest I too am comforted by peace. As you rest….

To Be Continued

Torn between two as you wrestle with the business of directional growth. Who am I to speak on matters of choices? From these lids I see the signs in the road that point to the arrival of your destination. I see it even through the detours. There is but so much one can be stretched before a braking occurs and often times the point in which it happens is not expected and can never be bound together again. I thought I already knew what I’m learning today, so this business of growth teaches in ways that can be painful at times, but the scars that are left behind are not meant to be forgotten. Life without expectation is not living, but living with it is heavens gift. Do not overlook the very things that stare at you, for they speak much to the things that concern you. Do not be foolish in your endeavors as they will devour your offering and cause blindness to your vision. Nothing is done without direction and we are given exactly what we need to reach the places we are to be. They are all around us. We can ignore them. We can pretend that “that didn’t happen”. We can turn away from ‘it’ because we have the freedom to do so. Being stifled by that which speaks so loudly will have its moment of blast. This one will not make much sense today or tomorrow but its words will be like gold soon. Every path that is yours has already been revealed in more ways than one and it continues to tug at you even now. To reach the check points, your vision needs forward progress.

To be continued when there is clarity to this…….