Purpose In All

There is nothing that happens by chance. Everything that has life is uniquely bound together and all supports that of another. Do not think that each moment does not dictate the next. It is that which is before us now that will reflect in the future of time spent. Life is intended to encourage us to know that there is purpose to our being. As trees have been given a task or assignment to spread life, so too are we set with such president. Our words are to be of life and how to experience it more abundantly. Understand that all that you are is not by chance, and is meant for good. Even in the error that may have been, there too can meaning be defined. Find the good in the errors and even the bad and I assure you that you will begin to find resolve in all things of life around you.

Relationship

Like broken glass, there laid the days of my hopes. They seemed to be starring back at me with little to say, yet the reflection became symbolic of the impossible feat before me. I couldn’t find once piece big enough to view the entirety and certainty that lay upon the floor. With every turn and cutting of the eye all I could see were shattered dazzling rays of light bouncing back at me. “What a mess”, I’d thought as I looked across the floor. Each piece, truly razor sharp, had once been bonded together to purposefully display all that was beautiful, was now jagged and dangerous. There were pieces spread out across the entire space. This glass was heavy and thick. It was meant to sustain moves, shifts and alterations to accent its charm. I’d stood in front of this piece several times and always walked away feeling confident, refreshed, ready and willing to face the days onslaughts. I’d gotten my readiness from the reflection which glanced back at me daily. The reflection was always ready. It knew that all that looked upon it was truly looking in the background and that the true beauty of hope, resided in forward vision on the other side of that glance. “What now?” I thought as I looked across the damaged disorder around me. I couldn’t help but think, “This will last?!?”, as I headed off to prepare to clean the mess up. “Where do I start? Should I pick up the big pieces first? Where am I going to put this without it causing other damage to something else?” So there I was gloves, socks and shoes cleaning up the broken pieces. I’d even put on a pair of protective glasses. I couldn’t help but think of all the times I’d paraded in front of this glass, barefoot, smiling and dancing with no cares. I remembered cleaning it by hand and now I found myself not wanting to touch it barehanded because I was afraid I’d be cut. As I swept the pile of glass into a mound, I shoved the dustpan underneath and scooped up the mountain of hope and threw it into the trash. After I’d finished cleaning up the broken pieces as best as I could, I mopped the space clean. I went over the entire area carefully as I knew that broken glass has a way of resting in places and it always finds a way to cut you. Once the floor was dry, I went into the space that was missing hope and felt an emptiness creep up beside me. Before I’d known it, a tear hit the corner of my shoe. It was then that realized just how much that piece of glass meant to me and I knew replacing it with another would not be the same. “Such as life. Such as life”, I uttered as I turned and walked away…

ok um bump all this lovely dovey postings shoot. I'm gonna take a break until i can come with some hard ish. lol...js.....

Shhhhhhhhh

I look into the presence of you and find comfort, yet it has to be pretended away. I find beauty in your eyes but I must keep expressions to a minimum. I rest in your closeness but brakes must be applied before reaching the bridge that leads to the other side. I look for ways to win you yet I must down play the measures I’d go to achieve victory. I am always urged to pull you close but I have to keep a certain distance. I have pet names that define your meaning to me yet I must deny the very things that define you to me. I want to pray with you but I must leave that to my quiet moments alone. I want to offer you all that I am but I must find complacency in the little that is accepted. I want to dream big with you yet I ask that those dreams not be given a night’s screen. I want to suit up in full knights’ armor to aid in all your victories but I must stay in the background. I see much in you yet I must stifle my vision. I see the value in you yet I must ignore its ‘cents’.

I’m not ashamed nor afraid to shine in your shadows, as I find comfort in all of you. Through stubbornness, impatience, coldness, bluntness, or hushed feelings I will move in your background until the moment I am called into the light of your desire. I am or shall I say I desire to be the wind at your back and under your feet that pushes you and carries you when those moments of need approach. Even as the ‘I love you’s’ fade from the drums of your ears, or the ‘baby’s’ cease to be spoken, they shall be whispered in the darkened corners of days. As beautiful as I think you are, as smart as I know you are, as kind as I know you are, as wise as I know you are, as all that is good as I know that is in you, as loving as I see you are, as alllll that I know that destiny has written over you I will always remain excited to spend moments with you. No matter what capacities those moments are shared, I’ll enjoy them because I find comfort in the presence of you and I see God in your eyes. I love you – shhhhhh…………….

Been in a writers block for a lil while now...wth!!!

Dark

In a rare place right now….shoot this isn’t rare, this is somewhere I’ve never been and frankly it’s scary shoot. Usually I can see the light and therefore know the turns up ahead, but this tunnel is completely dark! Man someone through me a flash light please. I’m feeling my way throw by letting my fingers glide along the walls but my footing feels loose.

As You Rest

As you rest next to me in peace, I smile at all the moments, conversations and thoughts that went into getting you here. I reflect on the times where hope was lost and I wonder just how far I could carry you and you I. I marvel at how much your smile delights me. I even wonder why your laughter injects stings of joy in my life. As you rest… I think of how much, how far I’d go/do to have you rest in this peace for good. There’s a saying that says you should be willing to climb a mountain of ‘No’s’ to get 1 yes and boy I have to say I’m still climbing that mountain, but with each ‘yes’ I find, I find more to be grateful of and I store it for safe keeping and lean on them as I swim upstream through all the no’s, never’s and no ways. As you rest I understand that the impossible is never that, instead there are no limitations on possibilities, only the ones you place on possible. As you sleep I can’t help but wonder what your dreams are. I can’t help but wonder if you’re happy. I can’t help but think of your beautiful smooth, chocolate brown skin. I smile even now at dimple that graces your smiles. As you sleep I reach over to kiss your ever so kissable lips (smiling even now). As much as God would allow, I would appreciate this gift that rests next to me for as long as I’m allowed too. As you rest in still peace with an occasional ‘jump’ I think of moments where the sun dances upon us as you walk next to me and lean on my dreams and allow them to carry us into the set of our sunset. I think of you and know that nothing prayed for is ever forgotten or unheard. As you rest, at this moment I don’t have you, but tomorrow is tomorrows minutes to claim and just as the second hand chases after the moments to come, I too shall continue the chase that moments give. As you rest I pray over you. As you rest I charged the angels charged over you to protect you and keep you safe always. As you rest I still find rhythm in the shared heartbeats between us. As you rest I too am comforted by peace. As you rest….

To Be Continued

Torn between two as you wrestle with the business of directional growth. Who am I to speak on matters of choices? From these lids I see the signs in the road that point to the arrival of your destination. I see it even through the detours. There is but so much one can be stretched before a braking occurs and often times the point in which it happens is not expected and can never be bound together again. I thought I already knew what I’m learning today, so this business of growth teaches in ways that can be painful at times, but the scars that are left behind are not meant to be forgotten. Life without expectation is not living, but living with it is heavens gift. Do not overlook the very things that stare at you, for they speak much to the things that concern you. Do not be foolish in your endeavors as they will devour your offering and cause blindness to your vision. Nothing is done without direction and we are given exactly what we need to reach the places we are to be. They are all around us. We can ignore them. We can pretend that “that didn’t happen”. We can turn away from ‘it’ because we have the freedom to do so. Being stifled by that which speaks so loudly will have its moment of blast. This one will not make much sense today or tomorrow but its words will be like gold soon. Every path that is yours has already been revealed in more ways than one and it continues to tug at you even now. To reach the check points, your vision needs forward progress.

To be continued when there is clarity to this…….

I See God In You

I heard this song called, “I see God in you” and I was reminded of you. I was reminded of the moment that I knew you’d be a meaningful portion of my days. I’ve wondered how fortunate I was to have come so close to something so heavenly. Faded concerns and thoughts lifted whenever I was in the presence of you. Each minute seemed to last an hour as I found peace in you. It seemed as though all of life’s creative beauty was surrounded in you. I had so many questions of such things. Is she taken? If so, is she happy? I wanted to know your thoughts, hopes, dreams, wishes and passions. Could I climax her into all that she is purposed for? You were one that I didn’t plan for. You escaped my past quest and left me raveled in the ‘um’ of life. Um, who is this woman that I see God in? God, I’d hoped that I was ready for her. I hoped that I could give her the world and that with every fiber of my being I’d be enough for her. There was just something about this woman that I’d never experienced. She was my unique mornings and the harmony in my nights. I wish you were still here, as I miss seeing God in you at this moment.

Hi God

God, only you know what is truly best, so I ask you to intervene in this situation. Only your hand has the ability to wave a new thing into existence. I'm asking that you move things and people where they need to be moved so that I don't miss what you have for me. I absolutely get in my own way at times, so I need your assistance to make sure that I don't any further. While you allow my own will in anything in my life, I kinda need your will over mine. As much as that's scary to ask for, I'm tired of doing it my way and could use a little fatherly guidance. Well that's all I wanted to say at the moment, so thanks for your time and good night.



Trying to do better, your son
Jamel

My Name is Jade

In this business you must have respect. Without it, any success will be limited to the next one willing to step into your shoes and establish what you failed to do. Some say respect is earned and some say respect is given until it needs to be taken away. I believe that respect is given to those that carry it with them. In other words, those that respect others carry with them a certain level of respect automatically. In this business you must also have the willingness to do what needs to be done when it needs to be done. There is no room for hesitation in any way shape or form. The moment you fail to react or move on a ‘thing’ is the moment you lose your grip. There will always be someone waiting on you to slip so that they can pounce on the opportunity to take what you have. Now understand, respect goes hand-in-hand with comfort too. Meaning, you have to be confident to certain degree because it will elevate your level of respect with others. If they know that you are ‘willing’, which flows through your comfort, then respect will be risen, that is if the company you keep is not ‘stupid’.

I don’t have to say anything and I don’t have to be noticed. I walk into a situation and I swear it’s as if my alterego kicks in and takes over. I become the ‘solver’ and my ability to conduct business becomes extraordinary. In this capacity I can see people as they truly are. Whether it’s the ability one brings to the table, or the fear they suffer from, or their true intent, I can see whether or not I Will respect them or not. OK, so lets get into this particular story….

“This is Rick, Rick this is Jade”. 2-3 seconds is all it took for me to ‘size Rick up. Rick was the ‘local’ D-boy. He hustled everything from DVD’s, purses, weed and jewelry. Now, I’m no fool, I knew that there was money to be made in some of the hustles that he did so I was curious to know where his supply was coming from. Now I don’t know if you know this, but must people are not willing to put you on to their supplier because you’d be taking away from their business to some degree. That said, I didn’t care. My goal was to get the information I needed, because there was profit to be made. Now I want you to think for a second…think about the last time someone tried to sell you something on the ‘street’; say a nice purse for you or your girl, or that new movie that is still playing in the theater. Was that person loud and excited? Yeah I thought so. What’s with that anyway? Trust me, Rick was no different. I mean this dude just met me and started telling me about himself and what he has and what he can do. Um, dude I don’t give a shit! Oh course out of ‘respect’ for my people and him to some degree, I didn’t actually say that. Instead I let him talk and talk about his life lol. Ok sidebar: The fake Chanels, LV’s, Coach bags, etc. is a multi-billion dollar industry and the same goes for DVD’s, so go ahead Rick…Talk, talk, talk. I figured that anyone that talked that much would not be able to not give me the information I wanted because they can’t help themselves. “Rick, you got something to drink? Juice, soda or water?” Of course he had something to drink, even if it was water. As Rick is headed toward the kitchen, I get up and follow him. As we walked, I asked him questions about various things he had in the house. I noticed a mason jar in the hallway and made small talk about it. I even mentioned how I liked the color on the walls. Now, you have to know that I didn’t give a rats ass about anything in this place, well except the information I needed from Rick. As you could imagine, he was excited that someone took interest in his life/house, so he ended up showing me the entire house. That included his basement which housed his many money making projects. “Jade, hold on my dude. I have to show you this!” He opens this door in the basement and it’s filled with all kinds of merchandise. If you can think of anything in Macy’s, Rick had it in his basement. It was truly impressive. Truly! Um, so I can’t help but wonder if you’re following me and my mind right now. What am I thinking? “Bingo! I got him comfortable. Now its time to get what I came for. A contact!” I’m like, wow Rick, how in the hell did you get all this shit? Of course Rick says, “Man, my homeboy gets me whatever I need. I can turn him on to you if you’d like”. Just like that, a new contact was made. Now I want you to understand that this sort of thing does not happen by chance. There’s a song and dance that is played and one false move will have your ass broken! While Rick did well at his hustles, the person on the next level has to be doing better and you better believe that that person didn’t get to that level by chance and you’d better know the cards you’re playing with or you will get hurt. Rick found a comfort in me, because I made him feel comfortable by respecting him. No I didn’t respect his mouth, but none-the-less I respected his hustle and his home. By the time Rick hooked me up with his man, I’d stacked up some paper to come in not on Rick’s level but on the wholesale level which would effectively have Rick working for me. This is a game people and there are many levels to it. This is my story and my name is Jade! Respect

Yeah

Damn, simply put you are a delight!!!!

Gravity Didn't Win

Get up, dust yourself off and continue your march into destiny. She carries the keys to all things that are to be unlocked at the presence of you. With your head held high and pointed towards the skies, see the purpose in that which you’ve suffered through. Breathe in this fresh opportunity that rushes in under you that keeps you moving ahead. The path is lite and it’s your guide into life’s promises. Those bended knees that made their way before the alter of the most high were not bent in vain. Those words never found their way to gravity, but they rose with perfection and was delivered with all its beauty and meaning.

If I Could

If I could have kissed you I would have. If I stayed the night I would have. If I could have held your hand as we walked I would have. If I could have hugged you at a certain point I would have. If I could have told you I still love you I would have. If I could’ve kept talking to you until sunrise I would have. If I could relive this night I would. If I could change anything about that night, I would NOT have. I simply enjoyed it just as it was.

Phases of You

Phases of you will leave the meek, bewildered. There are layers to your fundamentals that require patience, energy and will. Your laughter carries many formalities that introduce you to the making of you. Phases of you may leave some confused and lost in your tunnels, but the road to which you see is paved to perfection. Unmoved by your surroundings and situations, you remain steadfast in the places you find rest in. The ‘usual’ doesn’t really move you but the simplest of those captures the thoughts that even your imagination struggles to wrap itself around. Can’t tell you how long each phase of you will take to unravel but know that with each revealed layer a fresh warm spring awaits those that drink from it. Phases of you are silent when in thought and should not be bothered, but not fully left alone. The silence to which you find yourself in this phase leaves no room for opinion, but provided comfort that it too is peace in knowing that this silence speaks many things and if you listen to the emptied sounds of your space you’d discover much is wrestled with. It is not a fight that is meant for challenges to enter into, but it is ring that needs to be kept all to you for the moment. This too shall pass and clarity will ring with the coming bell. Phases of you are strong! So much weight carried on your shoulders, it would not be wise to toss another thing upon them. Instead reach up and try to take some of it away, even if it means taking those very hands that are reaching – away. So many phases of you leave no room to settle on one to focus on because all of them are intertwined and they all make up the fabric of you. To focus on one thing would not be wise, as one would have to step back to get the full view of you. Phases of you leave you carefree and ready to stand in what the world has to throw at you. Some pitches that have crossed your plate have taught you lessons that added to your strength and to others it may seem like a hardened home, but your home plate is soft, free and easy. Though this phase is rarely reached, it is worth each bases pain, frustration and effort to reach it. It is here that you open up without limit. It is here where you keep the very essence of you stored up. This is home base and making it here takes time and many other things that the meek and bewildered would only falter in their efforts. Phases of you are tearful, held back because sometimes it’s easier simply to do so. Sadness to know that hurt ties you in places that you so don’t want to be, and to feel the hurt of others upset you deeply, but even that layer has a protection within itself and kicks in as needed. Unique to the world are the phases of you and anything that is unique is truly valuable and worth seeking and keeping. I toast to the next phase of you that I encounter, as I am sure it will be something to witness.I think I even have a name for it - Future :)

My Name is Jade

1 foot in, 1 foot out. You are never completely out the game because you notice ‘things’ that others simply don’t. I know my surroundings no matter where I am or what I’m doing. I notice the dude standing in the corner alone and the old man that’s running ‘the show’. I notice the cat who’s holding and the nigga that you simply don’t want to fuck with. I know who I can call if I ever need ANYTHING! I know who I have to be careful who I tell my issues too because certain people will not hesitate to act on my behalf without me giving an ‘OK’. If I need to get my foot back in this 100% I know who to call. I know that getting fronted anything will never be a problem. How simple it would be to move with blinders on but that is just not me. I am who I am because of the footprints I left behind. I come and go as I please and ain’t shit anyone can say or do without consequences. 1 foot in, and foot out!

I’ve been shot at several times (shot once). I’ve been chased a few times. I’ve been threatened twice (real threats). I’ve been in my fair share of fights and I’ve only started 1 and it’s the only one I lost (in my opinion). I’ve popped at enough people that fear is not a part of me. I’ve stolen enough to make the local and national news. I’ve banged with Vice Lords and Black Gangsters (Probably for life). I’ve around some shit in my life and these eyes have seen much. Man when I think about all I’ve done and seen, I gotta say I’m blessed to be here. Here’s another day in my shoes…

These fools done gone and gave me a supervisor job with a credit card and ordering ability. With no in location superior, I did as I pleased working there. They even gave me the key to the camera room (smh) and access to the building 24/7. I’ve always lived right there on the edge, so it was just a matter of time before I began to test that edge. One night while working I called my girl and told her to come to the building and plan on staying the night, as I planned to work overnight that particular night. She showed up about 9:30pm and I had her hide in a conference room until closing time, which was 10pm. Once she was hidden, I went about my way, acting like I was hard at work. Normally everyone would be gone by 10:30pm, but for some reason people weren’t moving as fast as they would on any other day, so I went to let my girl know that it would be a little longer than normal, but to my surprise, when I turned the corner leading to the conference room I saw a group of employees standing around the door. Some were just standing there and some were coming in-and-out. OMG!!!! I figured that they found her hiding and trouble was sure to follow. You will never see me in a panic mode and this would be a time where panic was definitely not the time to do so, so instead of rushing in there to check on her, I waited patiently for all the commotion to dissipate. In the meantime the brain kicked in and I knew that I had to eliminate any evidence that could come out of whatever would happen. BINGO – I have the key to the camera room, so I headed there to turn off all the cameras in the entire building. I figured if I needed to go back and erase the footage prior to that, it wouldn’t be a problem. Once that was done I walked the inside and outside of the building counting the cameras that would’ve picked her up walking into the building and the conference room just to make sure I had every possibility covered. I even checked the schedules to see who worked the hours that she came in, just in case I needed to handle that. After doing those things it was time to check on her, so I walked into the conference room. By now, everyone was gone, including her! The place I had her hide in was empty so the “oh shit” feeling hit me like a ton of bricks, but then out of the corner of my eye I saw movement and it was her coming out of another closet. She was sweating bullets! I said, “OMG, they didn’t find you!?!” She said she heard someone coming down the hall and could hear the keys that they were carrying and figured that she needed to find another hiding spot. Good thing too because she would’ve been caught red handed. We laughed about that entire thing and to this day I never knew why a meeting was held that night but I’m glad my girl wasn’t stupid and knew she needed to move. That night we turned the building into our playground. Everything was accessible – clothes, toys, bikes, food, cameras, radio’s, etc. We did a little of everything in that building that night. I wasn’t in the game yet, but it was a precursor to what was to come, because the ability to see things in great detail was imbedded and it would come in handy later. The lesson learned that night was always cover your tracks. Listen, this is my story and my name is Jade!

My Name is Jade

I wonder what you’d do if you found a kilo of cocaine in the street. No police, no witnesses, just free coke! Would you even know it was coke? Would know who to call? I certainly hope you wouldn’t call the police, because trust me, they will look at you like the dumbest asshole on the planet and arrest your ass. Chances are you know someone that you could call, to help you out or at the very least tell you what to do with it. That’s the thing about dope, everyone knows someone that’s affiliated with it. Rather they use it, sell or know others, dope moves at a very fast paste. Doesn’t matter if its weed, X, H, special K or any type of coke you can think of, they all move fast. So what would you do if you found a key of coke? I should probably say a bag of coke because I’ll assume you wouldn’t know you’re looking at a kilo of cocaine. Would you know that it would be the equivalent of finding 20k or better? I don’t know, sometimes I sit and think about all the money that run through hands like water. I can hear you saying, “Shoot, do you know what I could do with 20k?” Chances are you’d blow it in a matter of weeks or a couple of months. That’s the thing about money; it comes and goes just as fast as it came. I ponder how many things and people have come and gone just as soon as they came and I am amazed at how much life I’ve lived. I’ve learned that nothing is certain and most things don’t last, especially without a deep foundation. My name is Jade and no, I’ve never found a kilo of coke in the street or anywhere else for that matter and I’m sure I never will.

Did I Matter B4 Death

Like footprints in the sand are hopes erased as the tide rolls in. Will this too pass away without meaning? Will the existence that once graced this place be remembered or forgotten with tomorrow’s sunrise? These labored hands that wanted so much are no longer raised to carry burdens. This body that was once loaned, no longer finds presence in today’s present. No longer here, but have the many breathes that were taken count for anything? Like the pages of a dictionary, were the days borrowed defined as purposeful? Was well done a thought to any? No longer around to capture the moments of laughter, those moments of eternity has passed away. Is the sound missed? Has the silence become deafening to the missed moments that no longer exist? Did I matter? I hope I mattered.

Exactly

Read an interesting story today and if you know me, you know technology is not my strong suit. Apparently there's a way for ppl to get into your phone by using an app. The article didn't say the name of the app but it exist. This is something I'm sure has been on a soap opera or the hallmark channel, so some of you won't be surprised. This hit me because I've had a stalker myself, and I wouldn't be surprised if she would've done this. Anywho, a relationship apparently ended and the guy moved on, but the female he'd been seeing 'didn't move on' and made his next relationship a living hell!!! She sent nude pics of the guy to her family members and blamed him for sending them?!?!?! How, I don't know but damn! Apparently some of her family members liked the pics and never said anything to her. It didn't say if they'd hooked up or not but again, how in the hell do you send pics to a phone and have it look like it came from another phone!!??? There was a string of messages too, all the while the guy never knew anything about it. I know, I know you're thinking there's no wayyyyy but I'm only telling you what I read and saw on the news. Apparently if you leave pics on your phone or upload them to any cloud, they can and will be grabbed and used. As for me, I wouldn't care if my pics were taken, but damn it mannnnn. So long story short, feel free to send female pics to the cloud and maybe they'll rain down to my phone. Lil P.S she should've been charged but I don't think that she was. http://www.collegetimes.com/college-life/new-app-lets-hack-partners-phone-88464

Living Beyond Restraints

Living within regrets is like living with restraints. I strive to never rest in the confines of such places that leave one bogged down with past regrets over life decisions that have been made, yet sometimes I feel the joke has been played on me and the foolish decisions that led up to any given circumstance is mine to own solely. Tomorrow has it cares of its own, so the grabbling of today’s issues or concerns has left me in a state of aw. To live fully, I believe you must be open to possibility without limit, and yet in doing so you open yourself up to many things, one of them being hurt. Yet do I recommend you run from the possibility of being hurt? No, I say run full speed ahead into all that life has to show and/or offer you and leave no room for regrets. While it may at times leave you feeling foolish, it is those foolish experiences that make you stronger and wiser. It is my belief that with anything you hold back from, will only lead to uncertainty in other areas that may/will present themselves at a later time. I am able to find peace in knowing that I go for what I want, but yes I play the fool along the way, and it is that that inspires this writing tonight. How do you give your all to something, only to end as the fool? How can you believe in something so strongly, that in the end you find that it was foolish to do so? Am I a fool for standing in the gap and waiting for my dance to be had? I believe that I would have been the real fool if I wasn’t willing to try something that I believe in so strongly, and walked away from it before it began, thereby leaving room for regret to cycle through life’s process. There are defining moments in life and the willingness to stand in the gap of hope is something that can never be demarcated as foolish, but rather it should be defined as living; so too that, I will continue living without the restraints of regret.